Where to meet singles in Amsterdam

Recently, the Shallow Man, in his never ending quest to provide topical information to his audience, has endured the mind numbing torture of watching the latest reality TV shows from RTL. From Russia with Love, Adam zoekt Eva and Ik heb het nog nooit gedaan. What always surprises me is when I see single people participating on these shows from Amsterdam. I’m amazed that people need to go naked on exotic islands, or import gold diggers from Belarus or Ukraine, or even more shocking, that there are adult virgins living in this wonderful city.

There are more single people in Amsterdam than bacteria on a doner kebab. On the dating safari that is Amsterdam, there are many, many, herds of Lions and Antelopes just waiting to be eaten, which brings me to the subject of today’s post. I recently received a message from a Zlatko Markovic. “Shallow Man, you always say there are lots of single Antelopes in Amsterdam. I’m new here, where are the best places to meet single women?” Being an equal opportunities kind of guy, I’ve decided to compile a list of the seven best places to meet both single Lions and Antelopes in the city of blue jeans and brown shoes. In order to compile this list, I’ve had to do exhaustive, and often painful and extensive research, the things I do for my readers!

The seven best places to meet singles in Amsterdam

My first book, the Amsterdam Confessions of a Shallow Man, is split into sections based on the seven deadly sins. I’ve decided to use this structure again for this post.

Lust

If you are the kind of person that wants to skip the usual niceties of basic conversation, and boring unnecessary norms, chains placed by society that should be fought against,  you know what I mean, stupid questions such as “hoe heet je?” (What’s your name?). If you just want to get drunk, or are already blind drunk but sober enough to tongue wrestle with a complete stranger, then there is only one place that will satisfy your carnal urges, yes I’m talking about the Cooldown Cafe. Conversation isn’t necessary, in fact, it’s positively discouraged. Dive in and snog to your heart’s content. The classier and slightly less drunk Antelopes and Lions go to Bubbles. If you can’t decide which one to go to, think of if you were about to be executed and had a choice, would you take the electric chair (Bubbles) or lethal injection? (Cooldown). I hope this helps with your goal of meeting singles in Amsterdam.

Slightly distracted patron of a bar in Amsterdam

Gluttony

The sin of too much consumption. My next choice can only be, any FEBO between 1 am to 3 am in the Pijp and Amsterdam Central is a great place to meet slightly merry, or outright drunk and single Lions and Antelopes. These refined food connoisseurs, often gather at FEBO in the early hours. Romance can often start when two hands reach for a croquette or lekker frikandel. Love set to the sweet smell of saturated fat, what could be more romantic?

via GIPHY

Greed

The Palladium, in Leidseplein, is the official capital of gold digger central. Ambitious, hard-working women, on the hunt for C list celebrities, bankers, or footballers, gather in this bar to hunt down men who will pay, pay and pay, forever.

Sloth

The sin of laziness is typified by the Dutch men I often see at De Duvel, a fabulous eetcafe in the Pijp, that is full of beautiful Antelopes. The Dutch Lions tend to stare, drink their biertjes, stare, drink, stare. This leads to the more ferocious Antelopes taking matters into their own hands and practically ripping the lazy Lions to pieces. An excellent place to meet single people in Amsterdam.

Wrath

I, the Shallow Man am guilty of the sin of anger and hate. Well dear reader, for this there is only one place that makes me feel these emotions, Cafe de Paris which was formerly known as Bar Italia.   Yes, the place is full of singles. A great mix of local Dutch people and tourists, however, the food. Oh my God! The food and service are diabolical. The serving staff has incredibly bad attitudes. The food is an insult to French cuisine. If any member of the French government were to eat there, I guarantee that they would declare war on the Netherlands. I actually do want to give the head chef a compliment, as it takes some talent to make French food without any flavour at all. Kudos to that man.  The cocktails are terrible. Highly priced, with as little actual alcohol present as possible. If you must go there, don’t eat in the restaurant and avoid the cocktails, but there are plenty of singles.

Envy

For a more upmarket place to meet singles in Amsterdam, I recommend the bar at Samhoud and Places. At weekends they often have a DJ, a good atmosphere, and a very attractive crowd. Upstairs in this place is one the best restaurants in the Netherlands. If you’re only there for a drink, no need to be jealous of the people heading upstairs to two Michelin starred heaven.

Pride

There is a secret bar, in a burger place, that is full of beautiful people, has some of the best cocktails I’ve ever had, and is my favourite bar in Amsterdam. The Butcher.  However, unless you know the password of the day, it’s impossible to enter. This can elicit the sin of pride in the chosen few that are members or guests.

No talentless chefs were hurt during the writing of this post.

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