Tinder and my eight one night stands in a year
The Shallow Man originally started writing about the Dutch dating scene, following a number of requests from his fabulous readers. Since then my inbox is often full of some incredible tales about how Tinder is the sure fire way to have a one night stand in Amsterdam. This lead me to write the book, the Shallow Man Guide to Dating the Dutch. I recently received a quite detailed confession, from a lady who shall remain anonymous, who has told me all about her experiences of using tinder, for the past year and how it led to her having a number of one night stands.
I for one shall not judge her about this. Even in the year 2014, men that sleep with lots of women are often regarded as heroes, charmers, men’s men. Whereas women that behave the same way are often called derogatory names. I’m 100% sure that she’s not the only woman in the Netherlands to have behaved in this way, and am pleased that she’s been brave enough to share her story. I’ve changed some details and locations to ensure that she remains anonymous. If you think you know the woman in question, you probably don’t. Here is part one of her story.
Ik ben geen sletje hoor!
Firstly, I’d like to make it clear, that I’m not a sletje (slut) ok? I’m in my early thirties, well educated and from a good background. I’m from a small village and moved to Amsterdam to study and stayed on. I’m at that age now where most of my friends are married or are in serious relationships and are having their first or second children. Every conversation always ends up going back to “oh my kid did this, or he did that, or he or she is so cute” I’m sick of it. The other thing now is that friends I made while studying, who I used to go out with all the time, are so busy with their families, that meeting spontaneously is almost impossible. Everything has to be planned, or if and when we do meet, they go home early as they have to look after the kids.
I was in a serious relationship for seven years. He turned out to be a lul (prick) so suddenly, here I am, over thirty and single for the first time in years. What to do? I tried speed dating. Forget it! As the Shallow Man wrote in his blog, it’s full of IT geeks. The only way they can meet women is by going to speed dating, not the kind of guys I’m interested in.
Suddenly being single again was strange, but also liberating. It’s my time to live, try new things.
I was a Tinder Virgin not expecting a one night stand
So I tried speed dating, hated it. Don’t get me started about online dating, boring! Then a friend of mine mentioned tinder. On the same day I created a profile, I met a friend of mine for a borrel at Cafe Wildschut in Amsterdam. We were having a nice time, well she was having a nice time telling me all about her daughter when her boyfriend called and she had to go home. I’d just ordered another glass of wine so decided to stay on and finish it. As I had nothing better to do, I took a look at my tinder account and saw that I had three messages from guys it had matched me with, the other two were ok, but this one guy looked very interesting.
him: If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
me: hee, hee. You’ve not seen my body, how do you know it’s beautiful?
him: Well I like what I can see on the photo
me: You should like my photo, I look good and I know it
him: If we meet, I promise we will have a good time
me: My idea of a good time could be completely different to yours
him: Well let me prove it to you. What are you doing right now?
me: I’m having a drink (alone) in the Wildschut
him: no way? I live just round the corner from there and I’m free right now
me: ok then come and join me.
So there I was, inviting a total stranger to join me for a drink. Exciting! Fifteen minutes later and with another glass of wine to calm my nerves, Marko (name changed) the guy I’d been chatting with met me at the bar. He was tall, tanned and it was lust at first sight. What really attracted me to him apart from his looks was that he had a great sense of humor and was full of confidence, which we Dutch girls like in a man. We didn’t stay long at the Wildschut, and at his suggestion, we went on to the Chicago Social Club. There he homed in on my great weakness, tequila. It’s a drink that I should avoid as it makes be both drunk and horny at the same time. I always do crazy things when I drink it. Ever had a body shot? Not something I would do sober.
The Tequila did it
We danced and drank shots, and danced some more. I love a man that likes to dance, I find it very, very sexy. By the time we’d had our second shot, we were kissing. Something about him (or maybe the tequila) made me totally uninhibited with him. While we were dancing he had his hands down my jeans (yes I know the shallow man hates them) and then up my top and I loved it. We were getting carried away and when he suggested that we leave, I was going crazy, I had to have him. We went back to my place, and believe me that this is something I never do normally. We had great sex, he was such a good lover, he made me lose all control.
The morning after
I woke up late in the morning with my head feeling as if someone had been beating it with a baseball bat. Next to me a total stranger. He was already awake and was smiling at me. He attempted to kiss me but I felt nothing but complete revulsion. I panicked and immediately told him to get dressed and leave as I had things to do. He tried to get me to calm down but I felt terrible. He started to get angry, and then my charming prince from the previous night said the following. “You’re nothing but a whore, I need to get home now anyway, my wife is back soon.” How charming is that?
Ok, I can’t complain too much, I’m sure there are lots of married men on tinder pretending to be single. I swore not to use the app again, until about three days later and another one night stand…
The Shallow Man
Would like to thank the lady in question for sharing her story. Coming soon part two.
No charming tanned men were hurt during the writing of this post.
Poignant story. Yes, there are lots of married men (and women) on Tinder. More and more people are blogging about their experiences with such people. Here is one: http://www.mylifeonmatchandmore.com/2014/02/whats-up-with-the-married-men-on-tinder.html. And this blog has several entries of encounters with married men, some of whom the blogger goes on to expose: http://middleagedteen.blogspot.com.
Ah yes the shallow fun of tinder. I also found it started out well and ended up badly. App deleted.
Dear Shallow Man,
I have always enjoyed your posts about us Dutchies, whether it was our ‘sense’ of fashion, hairstyle (I do admit I lean towards having a bit of a Lion coiffure myself), the pareltjes of television on SBS, or Amsterdam nightlife in general. I did notice however a trend in your recent posts that it is getting more and more narrowing down on just the akward dating scene, when can we expect some more comments on Dutch life in general?
Thanks for the message. I like cover various topics and will certainly have a feature with some observations on Dutch life in general in the next week.