7 Things You Need to Know about Dating Dutch Women
Think of Homer’s Odyssey (not Simpson), Dr Richard Kimble’s quest to find the one armed man in the Fugitive, or attempting to join the SAS. These are all child’s play when compared with finding and keeping a Dutch woman.
The Netherlands is full of expat men, whose confidence has been shattered due to their experiences in attempting to date Dutch women. Previously I provided some holiday season advice on dating Dutch women which many of my fellow expats appear to have ignored at their peril.
The Shallow Man has even started a counselling group called ‘Dutch women survivors’ for expat men who have been shot down in flames when attempting to approach Dutch women. My group also helps men who were in failed relationships with the most unapproachable women in Europe.
If your heart is set on successfully dating Dutch women, I’ll tell you seven things you need to know about dating these dominant (but hotter than freshly fried frites) Amazonian warrior women.
Here are 7 critical things you need to know about dating Dutch women.
Now this post might upset some, and if as a result I’m grabbed by a group of angry Dutch women, and am taken to my own personal hell, the drie dwaze dagen sale at de Bijenkorf, and am forced to carry their bags while they scream at me “IK ZEG SKINNY JEANS, DIT IS EEN BOOTCUT JIJ IDIOOT.” I’ll say to my enemies, “no need to be so aggressive, I was just telling it like it is.”
The things I do for my readers!
1. Opening doors will not lead to dating Dutch women
As Grandmaster Flash once said in the song White Lines, ‘don’t, don’t, don’t do it!’ In most of the civilised world, holding doors open for women is considered to be chivalrous and the behaviour of a gentleman. Women usually appreciate such gestures. Not in the Netherlands! Even after 10 years in the land of deep fried cuisine, I still can’t break the habit of opening doors for women. If I’m about to walk into a cafe, and there’s a woman walking in at the same time, I’ll pause and hold the door open for her. What do I get in return? A look that says “this guy has just escaped from mental health institution.” Holding doors open for Dutch women will earn you scorn and contempt.
The Shallow Man’s advice is that when you see a woman walking behind you, just let the door shut in her face. She’ll love it! She might even and come over and say “wow you’re so well integrated with Dutch society, here’s my phone number.”
2. Be confident
In nature, a pack of wolves will pick off the weakest caribou then strike for the kill. A similar pattern can be seen in the Dutch dating game. A key thing to know about Dutch women is that they like to hunt in packs. If several men are together, Dutch women, through a series of shouting, rudeness, and intimidation, will eventually home in on the man most likely to carry their shopping bags for them at Albert Heijn in the near future. They’ll persist until their chosen victim has turned into a lump of quivering jelly. What you need to know is that as an expat, if you stand your ground in face of the ugg booted onslaught, that Dutch women will forgive you and may even find your self-confidence attractive. From Dutch men, they expect total acquiescence, and the ability to follow orders. As an expat, you’ll get away with standing up to them, and using a little humor always goes down well. (So I’m told).
3. Dutch women are never wrong about anything!
If you’re from London, and a Dutch woman tells you the name of what she says is THE coolest club in the city, don’t politely point out to her that the place she’s referring to has been closed down for several years, and is in fact used as an old peoples home. A key thing I’ve learned about Dutch women is that they’re always right. So don’t argue, smile and nod politely and say “ja, je hebt gelijk.”
4. Flash the Spaarzegels
If you want to impress Dutch women, forget showing your car keys, or talking about how fine the wool is that your suits are made from. Instead, whip it out! (Not what you’re thinking). Whip out the Albert Heijn spaarzegels (saving stamps). Dutch women, are used to dating Dutch men, whose deep and passionate love of money is legendary. I was watching the Dutch news earlier this week where an entire town will be without gas for the next few days. You could see that some of the affected residents were rubbing their hands with glee at the thought of how much money they’ll save on energy bills as a result.
Spaarzegels can be bought for 0.10 cents a time with each purchase at Albert Heijn. When you have a full book of stamps (this will cost 49 euros) Albert Heijn will give you 52 euros cash. This is a higher interest rate than you’ll receive from any bank. Impress your Dutch lady by waving your almost full book of stamps in her face, she’ll be like krentenbollen in your hands, and hopefully not as greasy.
5. Never ask a Dutch woman to cook
If you value your life, never, ever, get the idea in your head to ask your Dutch partner to cook for you. Don’t even ask for a sandwich. A lot of Dutch women, just like their British counterparts believe that critical processes in preparing a meal involve a microwave, or a dangerous driving scooter rider to execute the delivery of the dish. If you actually have the temerity to request a home cooked meal (even if you’ve cooked for her before) don’t be surprised if she turns into an angry shouting demon as a result. “Hoe haal je het in je hoofd??????”
6. Never join in with her bitching about her friends
Another thing to know about dating Dutch women is that Dutch antelopes can be somewhat confusing. If you’re dating one, you’ll get used to agreeing with her the whole time just to keep the peace. If, as is highly likely you’re not paying attention, and she says “Who does Anouk think she is wearing such tight jeans, I think they were too tight.” Don’t whatever you do, agree with her, or make a comment such as, “yes her butt looks as if it’s attempting to stage a prison break from her jeans.” This will only earn you comments such as “What!!! have you been checking out her butt? Is that what you like then? WHY DON’T YOU GO OUT WITH HER???”
7. Know your place
This is how you’ll see yourself in the relationship with your Dutch partner.
This is how she’ll see you.
So to summarise, what you really need to know about dating Dutch women is the following:
- Be bloody rude they’re used to it, and will not respect you if you’re polite
- Agree with everything they say
- Be as tight with money as the untouched genitals of a virgin flea
- Order takeaways or do the cooking (all the time)
- Know your place
No pizza delivery riders were hurt during the writing of this post.
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How to become a cuckold in 7 steps 😛
Honestly, its pretty common to see this behaviour. Too often on dates I see them trying to dominate the situation by reaching out for that cage to put my balls in it. But this is also guy’s fault they are so impudent. So next time you’re out there cooking for her hoping that she ‘understands your value’ while doing her manicure, don’t question why you have antlers sticking out of your head…
Certainly enlightening. I do find Dutch ladies (is that too chivalrous)/women very attractive and the dutch way of life quite intriguing. Having been to Holland 4 times, but always accompanied by a English lady (my better half for one, and the other certainly my worst half), I at some point in the future will venture into the wilderness with the knowledge you’ve imparted and try to adhere to the social norms. Gonna be fun as I am normally go out of my way to make a lady feel special.
Lenin, I am married to one; a Harradine!
Whenever I start to pose a question, the IMMEDIATE reaction is “NO” and that’s before I’ve got half way.
Apologising is a foreign word to the Dutch female as is Discussion.
My friend offered this, when I asked what piece of advice he might have on upcoming marriage proposal – DON’T
I’ve bought my wife a T shirt, which says ” I’m Dutch and no discussion is required”
And all this is before THE MATRIACH, THE INVINCIBLE, THE ABSOLUTE GARGOYLE —— THE MOTHER IN LAW
Seriously, this article is so short minded!!! Dutch women aren’t all that “butch”. No idea with whom or where in the Netherlands you guys hooked up but this is not at all accurate in my opinion, nor accurate. Women are women and if you, as a guy, are rude to me?! I’ll set you straight in public and will ignore the hell out of you. If you slam the door in my face, I’ll return the favour. By no means will any of those things make you stand out or ignite my interest towards you. Most Dutch women do like confident men, clean ( as in hygiene) and somewhat poised. The Dutch are rude as it is, so a guy with manners is an elation, trust me.
For the guy that got “a look
“ from a a Dutch women when holding the door: this is more the exception to the rule. Sure there are a lot of feminist women who’ll have an opinion about certain things but who aren’t stable in the least. Leave her struggling with a heavy bag and she will scold you for not helping her, just saying.
The majority of Dutch women, young, and older, are women and are approachable. A lovely smile and a kind ( not rude) word, a look, a casual interest talk will go a looooong way. Try it 😉
Happened to me once when entering a starbucks (a4 near Hoofddorp), it was raining heavy, a woman was 10 steps behind me so I held the door for her. She scolded me for doing that but all other people in starbucks told her “doe eens normaal idioot” this was the first time in my 50 years that I got a look (and more) for holding a door for a woman.
I am not Dutch but I have lived in Netherlands for a long time. Dutch women are very manly and masculine. That is fysically and mentally. After 30 years they get a wrinkled face and start to look like grandma. I have the impression that Dutch men like manly women, like sportswomen and the like. They don’t seem attracted to girly girls.
LOL ….that’s why so many supermodels are Dutch
The Dutch woman are not only rude, but stupid. And this is why the Dutch are breeding themselves out of existence, and why the blacks and muslims are out=breeding them. No sensible man wants anything to do with them, even the Dutch men.
This is rude. You must be a moslim or you met de wrong dutch woman.
And you must be a racist?
You must be a real catch!
Very rude environment lol, why are some countries so unbalanced?
Why would I want to date a Dutch woman? Or, any woman for that matter? MGTOW for the win!
i like Natherland Girl
This is just fun to read. It’s amazing what culture does to us. I love the fact that women want to be treated equal and they realize they don’t need a romantic robot the whole time. However, more interesting is when we are able to go beyond our own culture and make us different on the surface but more similar deep inside.
I appreciate strong women who can do things alone, not meaning I appreciate to be cheated or fooled.
And they are sexy… Why is Cologne so close but so different? 😀
Just my 2 cents as a Dutch woman.
1. Opening doors won’t lead to dating – opening doors for people walking in right after you is seen as common courtesy. It’s not a flirtatious move, it’s just normal. If you act like you’re a god for opening a door for someone, the look you’ll get means ‘why are you making such a big deal out of it?’.
2. I don’t even understand what the point is you’re trying to make. In my experience, Dutch women are known for always carrying our own stuff and wanting to be independent.
3. It’s true we tend to have strong opinions, but we don’t mind a discussion.
4. That’s not even remotely how spaarzegels work lol. You get them for free with your groceries and if you save a lot you can get discounts or freebies.
It’s true Dutch people tend to brag about cheapness rather than about expensiveness. But in general, we don’t like you bragging too much in general. Just be yourself and don’t assume money is a good flirting topic.
5. Cooking is not something you ask for, it’s something you’re offered. In general, we like to be equal about domestic tasks. Usually we alternate cooking. Don’t ask her to cook for you, say ‘I cooked last time, shall we eat at your place tonight?’
6. True. But goes both ways. If you bitch about your friends/family, we won’t join in too strongly either.
7. Lol, funny. This is how we really like seeing you: as an equal! It can seem confusing to you if you expected a domestic servant who let’s you be ‘the man’, and you seem to find us intimidating. We just like to be 2 humans who love each other, without many gender roles. That’s why opening doors doesn’t matter much, we’d do the same. That’s why we go Dutch, paying isn’t a gender based task.
These are generalisations of course, but a lot more realistic than your version.
Said it alllll!!!
You are so right!
Dutch myself. Couldn’t agree more!
Especially the bitching part and the continuous ‘she will make you carry her bags thing that’s being repeated here a few times’…gets old after a while. It’s kinda like saying guys don’t like to do anything else but drinking beer and watching football….
Thing is….. Dutch women aren’t any more bossy or bitchy than Dutch men really. We just don’t do the entire gender role thing. Neither do we play hot/cold games when dating or do we look for excessive dominance or assertiveness or… anything that’s just not you. we just look for someone to hang out with and feel cherished by…again probably the same as you reading the comments.
The thing with the entire equality story is that it’s not a thing.
Any special treatment cause it just doesn’t come up in your mind. Were not that complicated we don’t do double meanings. We don’t dress up any more than you would. We just roll the same way. That’s all.
Well and then there’s the opionated thing. Which I think links back quite deeply in the way kids are raised and educated back here. All kids in the Netherlands grow up telling their opinion -in school it’s never so much about giving the answer a teacher wants to hear. If you, as a kid come up with a different idea or tell a story about your weekend there will hardly ever be a right or wrong. It’s less about discipline and more about stimulating creativity in boys and girls alike. That’s why the entire equality thing is not a thing. We simply have been encouraged to express our ideas and opinions from day one in school 🙂
Well so much for my comments here. Take it easy happy dating 🙂
I need Dutch lady to be with, I live here in Amsterdam, I love Dutch women
Disclaimer: if any Dutch woman is offended by what I write, I’m just “expressing my ideas and opinions” 😉 (more about this later).
Been reading here for a while, here’s my take, from a Southern European who worked and dated there for a few years (I moved away, thanks god).
When dutch women talk about “equality”, they actually mean they’re more equal than you: so yes, I totally agree with the author, they’re mostly after a potential submissive partner who’ll work while they part-time.
See, the official language there is not dutch, but Doublespeak: whenever a dutch will express a concept (rare occurence), you foreigner must not take it literally, but translate it into what the dutch means.
A few examples:
“Everyone’s opinion matters” = “We’ll pretend to listen to you.”
“We’re tolerant” = “Weed’s legal. What did you think, that your lowly culture was welcome?”
“We care about the environment” = “Just bought a tesla with tax discount. Last year I took 6 intercontinental flights.”
“We have the best healthcare in the World” = “Paracetamol and pray”
Plus, they suffer from the bully kid syndrome: it’s ok when THEY are “direct” (=patronizing) to you, not the other way around. With women even more so: THEY can make fun of your hobbies, even if they do twerkfit; THEY can drive as well as you, though they tell you how to when you’re behind the wheel (especially if you had a licence for twice the time); THEY can complain about your cooking, not you of theirs (if you survive the tasting that is).
To wrap up: enjoy the perks of not having to chase them, but when you hear the words “moving in together”, tell them you have AIDS. 😉
Coming from Southern Europe, I was a bit shocked by the behavior of some Dutch women. However, after dating a few of them and getting into 2 long term relationships with Dutch women, I have to say they are pretty amazing. Very sexual, educated, open minded and feminine. Yes, not fake feminine like wearing a ton of make-up, but naturally feminine.
Unfortunately, I moved to London where British women are just horrendous. I think this blog is written by some effeminate British guy who thinks setting boundaries and standing up for oneself can only be done in a rude manner and confuses confidence in European women with the shrill mannishness of British women.
Pay no attention to this post. Continental Europeans have far more in common than the AngloSaxons. And yes, if you’re from the Anglosphere you probably won’t do too well with European women, Eastern European women, or women in general. There’s a reason Anglo men drink so much on weekends. They know they won’t be getting laid anyway.
That’s the biggest load of baloney I ever heard, well done. Btw the dutch are more closely related to anglo saxons than anything else, so called european norms aside nice try lol
Great article! As a native I can tell you’re spot on. The comments of Mr Bond also partially true. Meaning the racial issue, but I guess you couldn’t mention it without the risk of being hunted down and ‘made example of’ . 😀 Poor expats . . .
I heard Dutch women generally think belgian men are stupid and talk funny. most of them are short and if by some miracle you ‘medidude’ had sex with a Dutch woman its not you f***ing them, its her f**ing you. As in your the designated F**k buddy or piece of used meat. Get over it. Dutch women are sweet, kind and nothing as described on this webpage. Was shocking to read it, its the universal law to be polite and respectful of women, any deviation from the norm means you have to compensate for something. i.e your rude or aggressive because your short, or ugly or don’t have a job or many reasons. Normally a nice respectful man with a good job, not ugly and tall wont have a problem finding a decent Dutch woman. The only key issue about Dutch women is they prefer taller western men. So if your a 5ft Chinese/indian/asian man, sorry to say but you have more chance winning the lottery 10 times in a row, its just not gonna happen.
I’m 5’7′ .. and you just made me cry 🙁 haha
So you “heard”, but I have experienced, because I am Dutch. Dutch women in general aren’t very feminine in a sense that they like to take care of their man. Hence why a lot of Dutch men seek Filipinos or Indonesian women to date. It’s not uncommon to see a white Dutch male walking with a darker Asian woman (and her kids). It is also very common to see Dutch women walk with other races, because they know how to put them in their place. Also, the divorce rate in the Netherlands aren’t isn’t low either. I recall more childhood friends with divorced parents than vice versa. I’ve dated Dutch women and they are different from other cultures for sure, you just have to know how to press their buttons correctly. This article isn’t as off as you think it is when it comes to Dutch women. Especially the fact that they see cooking for their man as a chore or a favor rather than love.
You’re right. Dutch women, for the most part, aren’t very feminine. And most men don’t want to date a butch giraffe who’s demanding all the time. It’s sad, though, that because of this, more and more Dutch men are choosing Asian women. It is so often a contrived arrangement based on who is taking care of whom. The Asian woman looks to the Dutch man for financial security, residency permit / citizenship, money sent home to family, legal power in marriage and divorce. The Dutch man looks for a steady sex partner, someone who cooks, cleans, takes care of kids without complaining.
As far as Dutch women with other races? Most of them are with these men to “rebel” in some way, or to make a mockery of Dutch men (whom they find less macho than men of darker races). Also, it’s to let everyone see how “tolerant” they are – wanting dark kids, covering up their white guilt, pretending not to see colour. Last but not least, it’s because some are just simply whor*s with low self-esteem who watch too much interracial porn, or fantacise about being overtaken by third world “savages”. German women are even worse when it comes to this.
In both cases, when these interracial relationships produce children, the white, Dutch bloodlines become eradicated. These people don’t care, though. They think it’s perfectly fine to wipe out future white generations as long as they get what they want in the present: someone “exotic”. I guess can “thank” both feminism and multiculturalism for the domineering, butch behaviour of Dutch women, the high divorce rates in NL, and for leading the path to cultural and racial suicide.
Not true, height has nothing to do with it. Even though there is some prejudice to it.
I am 1m64 Dutch man and I’ve dated plenty women that have been a lot taller than me. My current girlfriend, with whom I spend the past 11 years, is 1m81. We have 2 kids together and for what I can tell, they inherited their growth gene (thank god).
But I never had any trouble getting tall women. If you are having problems with getting women that are larger than you, it’s probably your ego not your height.
HAHA as a belgian man, this is not my experience… Most of dutch women I’ve dated were easy to lay as fuck and were more beautiful than your average woman( also taller and blonder, which I loved). I always had it too easy with them lol. What I love about them is that they are generally smart, openminded, as introverted as I am and I like their style… Also they generally like me, which helps. One thing I agree is that they love overconfidence in their men… the badder you treat them, the better they give themsleves to you( but that isgeneral with women i Guess!). Perhaps, one thing I like is that a sexual move is easily done and they like it lol, touch boob agresively, grab pussy, ask for BJ in public space,anything… they are ready to do crazy shit for us, basically be our personal little whores and I like that lol. To a point where it scares us and you wonder what the girl expects in return lol; anyway drifting….
Know your place? Lmao. Fuck you.
Just be a man. Women respect MEN. Not whipped little pussy boys.
You definitely know what you´re talking about…. after 2 years I’m totally convinced that the role model for dutch women is either Chuck Norris or Vinnie Jones. One must see it to believe it…
Its chuck Norris because he knows how to treat a lady . And if you are no chuck nOrris than she will save herself from the( as we Americans call it) the approaching f #*k boy who just wants the booty . No woman likes being used and if you come off as having a strong a lustful motive (undressing women with your eyes is usually the give away ) it’s no surprise you get the salty side of these women . They already know men want to shag them they want a guy to show he is worth it . . . Because let’s be real … guys almost always finish happy and are on to the next trophy however if your a woman and your man hasn’t figured out how to make you finish first you dont finish at all … ????
So seems to me they just know they have more to offer and likely nothing to gain .
But I will admit we are passionate people and it can be abrasive … ????
This cow of yours, called Predjudice, I think you milked her out. And the milk is sour as well.
That’s pretty profound and poetic.
Law of Jante
This was just horrendous. I am not sure if you have a Dutch girlfriend, but if you do and you used your own tips in getting her to like you… I just have no words for it.
I stand by my tips, they work well I’m told
i have plenty of hot dutch girlfriends, they do not demand anything from me but the bazooka, in fact together (3)
Dutch women, I know a lot of you read my blog. Any additional tips?
Maybe add the line
Don’t be rude all the time
‘cuz nobody likes to date someone who is a complete asshole 24/7:3
stuff your pants and film them, they are the worse when it comes to choosing between a man or his thing
Considering I’m not a male stuffing my pants would be kinda odd xp
Agree with Isabel ; I think a man should be rude a third of the time with her girl, good enough to keep a woman on her toe… Women love unpredictability. So 1/3 pure rudeness; 1/3 neutral and okay; 1/3 truely amazing behavior…. Generally women will appreciate those variations and It will show different facades of your personnality.