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Learn all about life in Amsterdam from the point of view of a self-described sarcastic expat. Go beyond the usual cliches about the joys of cycling and consumption of raw herring and bitterballen. Obviously, no blog about this city can possibly not feature articles about cycling, however, here you’ll learn about the seven almost deadly sins of Amsterdam cyclists, and all about the kind of people one tends to come across on Amsterdam’s bike lanes.

In addition to features about cycling, learn about the common scams often pulled by taxi drivers, many of whom regard tourists and foreigners in general as being a kind of biological ATM, from which they can withdraw vast amounts of money by charging criminally high prices to the unaware.

In addition, my articles about Amsterdam also feature important local news such as Justin Bieber’s alleged plan to buy a penthouse in the center of town. Plus other useful information about life in Amsterdam

The Shallow Man’s Guide To Amsterdam

guide to Amsterdam

An expats guide to Amsterdam Having safely returned from Het Gooi, the Shallow Man paid a visit to an exclusive HiFi store to look at upgrading his state -of -the -art home entertainment system. The store is so expensive that they offer their customers a glass of champagne on entering. …

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Bio of the Amsterdam Shallow Man a.ka. Simon Woolcot

Amsterdam Shallow Man a.ka. Simon Woolcot Simon Woolcot is a privileged and some would say spoilt expat who came to Amsterdam from London for a six month assignment in 2014 and has remained ever since. Planning is obviously not his strong point. He spends his time commenting on various aspects …

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I Am Not an Amsterdam Elitist

I am not an Amsterdam elitist. Some misguided individuals, accuse me of having lost touch with my roots. They say, Shallow Man, you live in an apartment in the Pijp area of Amsterdam paid for by your organisation. You eat in Michelin star restaurants, wear bespoke suits and shoes, you …

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Tips for Navigating the Amsterdam Taxi War Zone

One of the reasons that I never became a journalist apart from the fact that I can’t spell, and have suspect grammar is because I was terrified that I might have ended up being sent to some terrible part of the world in the middle of a war zone. So …

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Amsterdam Shallow Man’s Nightmare

The Amsterdam Nightmare MIDWAY upon the journey of our life I found myself within a dark forest, they call it the Amsterdamse Bos. My dear sister had warned me that a life of fine wine, women and song could only lead to bad things. If only I’d listened to her. …

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Tips for Expats looking for apartments in Amsterdam

The challenges faced by expats looking for apartments in Amsterdam Firstly, I’ll start with an admission. I am not nor ever have been a vegetarian. You may wonder to yourself, what on earth is the shallow man talking about? Why should I care whether or not he eats meat? Well, …

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Update from the Amsterdam mouse catcher general

Update from the mouse catcher general Living as I do in Amsterdam Zuid, and knowing how spoiled and privileged the mice in this part of the city are I prepared a mouse trap with some good quality Parmesan cheese. Positioned the trap in front of the hole that mice appear …

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The Mouse Trap and How to Deal With Mice in Amsterdam

  One normally peaceful man, who has often been compared with Mandela, the Dalai Lama and Gandhi driven to fight a war with invaders. The comparison with the above figures is usually along the lines of “you are so annoying that even Gandhi would lose his patience and punch you.” …

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In Amsterdam I’m normally a lover not a fighter

However, everyone has their limits. Even the most peaceful of men can be driven to murder. I tried to do what I could to resist man’s primal urge, however I had to defend my property from invaders, squatters and thieves. Why should I stay awake at night afraid, listening for …

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A tip for Amsterdam female joggers/hardlopers

Attention, female joggers in Amsterdam there’s been a great new invention called a Sports Bra. Stop torturing the puppies. I’m a keen runner and when running along the Amsterdam Amstel River am always amazed at the number of women who allow their assets to bounce around like two puppies in …

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