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What Expats Need To Know About The 2017 Dutch General Election Results

March 20, 2017 By Simon Woolcot

The 2017 Dutch General Election Results

On the day of the Dutch general election, the Shallow Man awoke with a sinking feeling. Would the PVV, a party that threatened to close all Mosques in the Netherlands and ban the Koran, win the largest number of seats in the Dutch Parliament? They were ahead in the polls for months before the election. ?The VVD, the party of Prime Minister Mark Rutte began catching up and was even ahead in some polls during election week, but following Brexit and the US election I’d learned not to trust the predictions of political pollsters.

Which brings me to the subject of today’s post, what expats need to know about the 2017 Dutch general election.

The 2017 Dutch general election was global news

In the week of the election, the world’s media descended on the Netherlands like a plague of biblical locusts. CNN, the BBC, Al Jazeera, The Daily Telegraph, The New York times and many others were full of news reports about the 2017 Dutch election. This was incredibly different from previous elections which went by without much interest from foreign media at all. Globally, Dutch elections were a good cure for insomnia and barely worth mentioning. The prospect of Geert Wilders being the winner of the elections changed all that, especially with his obsequious public kissing of Donald Trump’s orange tanned buttocks. He even stole one of comrade Trump’s slogans and claimed that he would make the Netherlands great again. (Pass the sick bucket).

Dutch general elections are usually pretty boring — “Please tell me more about the Dutch elections I’m so excited”

He’s not dead he’s only sleeping

Things were looking bad for the incumbent Prime Minister Mark Rutte. A man often compared with a jellyfish (by me) shocked the country by proving that shockingly?he had a backbone after all. Firstly by publishing a ridiculous letter aimed at bigoted potential Geert Wilders voters. The premise of the letter was to tell people that didn’t behave?normally (doe normaal) according to fictional Dutch norms and values to bugger off back to where they came from, which went down very well with ‘tolerant’ Dutch folk?all over the country. Just like Monty Python’s parrot, he wasn’t dead, only sleeping.

The Roar of the Jellyfish

Things improved for Mark Rutte when he refused to allow two Turkish government ministers to give a speech to Turkish expatriates in the Netherlands. ?The Dutch media was full of excited headlines such as ‘wij?zijn?hier de baas’. (We’re the boss here). Photos of Turkish-Nederlanders waving Turkish flags and rioting as a result of Rutte’s decision to ban the Turkish ministers from the Netherlands benefitted his party at the expense of Geert Wilders PVV.

Joke about the 2017 Dutch general election — “Are you looking for Mark Rutte’s backbone? ?I don’t think Jellyfish have them.”

Winners?of the?2017 Dutch general election

The prospect of a victory for Geert Wilders led to an increased turnout of voters up from 74, 6% in 2012 to?81,4% in 2017. An incredible 28 political parties took part in the election. If you’re not familiar with the Dutch voting system of proportional representation, here’s an article that explains it?as well as providing some background info on some of the political parties standing for election.

Winners

The VVD

In spite of losing some seats in the Dutch Parliament, Mark Rutte is likely to remain Prime Minister. No doubt he’ll be sending a Magnum of Champagne to?Tayyip Erdo?an the Turkish Prime Minister to thank him for causing a situation that allowed him to profile himself as a no-nonsense tough guy. This went down better with Dutch voters than a ‘korting’ at?Albert Heijn.

behave like the Dutch — “I’ve antagonized the Turkish Government, my poll figures are up, up, and away!”

Geert Wilders

Onze Geert, the head of the “we’re not racist but…” party the PVV, ?is likely to have the second largest number of seats in the Dutch Parliament. It’s still quite an achievement for a party that only has a single policy, which is to discriminate against Muslims. There’s no cause for complacency or celebration about their results. I know a lot of people who like myself breathed a sigh of relief when the exit polls indicated that the PVV wouldn’t be the largest party. Nevertheless, it’s scary that so many people in the Netherlands in spite of being ‘tolerant’ are obviously Islamaphobic.

Dutch fraternities — Lieke, Monique, and Anouk?voted PVV as the number of non-blondes in their village doubled to four in the last twenty years.

Denk

Batman has the Joker, Kim Kardashian has Beyonce, and the PVV have Denk as their nemesis and natural opposite. Denk was formed by a couple of Turkish-Nederlanders who felt that the Dutch Labor party (the PVDA) was taking the minority vote for granted. Just as the PVV has positioned itself as the voice of native Dutch people that have problems with Islam, ?Turks, and Moroccans. ?Denk claims to be the party of minorities?so-called ‘Nieuwe Nederlanders.’

According to some elements of the?Dutch media, Denk is a bunch of pro-Erdo?an (the Turkish Prime Minister) extremists looking to implement his policies in the Netherlands. Whatever the facts may be, Denk’s appealed to minority voters, especially Muslims angry with Geert Wilders regular anti-Islamic rants. Denk’s policies anger many. ?I mean how terrible, some of the things they campaigned for were so extreme:

A tolerant society in which we accept each other.
A caring society in which we look out for each other.
A learning society in which we utilize everyone’s talents.

How extreme is that? It’s clear that their message resonated well with minorities in the Netherlands who felt that the mainstream parties weren’t addressing their concerns. In fact, in Rotterdam and the Hague Denk won more votes than the PVDA.

Groenlinks

Groenlinks are now the largest party in Amsterdam.?Nationally, they increased their number of seats by ten and are likely to end up being part of the next Government.

D66

The party of the Chai Latte drinking and bakfiets?owning classes saw substantial gains in the number of votes received.

A D66 voter on his way to a cafe for some Chai Tea and kinder Latte’s

Partij voor de Dieren

The Party for the Animals did incredibly well. This came as no surprise to the Shallow Man who has often observed that the Netherlands is a doggy paradise on earth.??You’ve seen Planet Of The Apes, well if a time traveler were to land in the Netherlands in 2017 he’d think he was on an?alien planet where dogs have seized control with humans as their slaves. Eventually, ?he’d utter the famous words, “Oh my god, I was on Earth the whole time, you maniacs, what have you done?”

Love and dogs — “So I told him, you’d better vote PvdD or I’ll hit the woof”

Losers of the 2017 Dutch general election

GeenPeil

Geen votes. 😀 Yet another wannabe Wilders nationalistic party, fortunately, they went down like a Dutch woman wearing a pair of high heel shoes and a dress to a Dutch wedding. In short, not very well at all.

Artikel 1

The party of the most hated woman in the Netherlands, Sylvana Simons. Her party did as well as a black family moving to a village in Breda.

PVDA

The biggest loser of the 2017 Dutch general election is the Labor party. They are like the formerly popular Dutch?social media platform ‘Hyves.’ Which died a death when the Dutch realized that Facebook was a much better platform for telling people that didn’t like Zwarte Piet to “rot op naar?je eigen land.” ?Their vote collapsed quicker than a group of British stag party tourists in Amsterdam for the weekend. Zielig!

To summarize

There were far too many parties taking part in the election to cover them all. However, it’s fair to say that with the relative success of the PVV and Denk, that there appears to be a fair amount of polarization in the Netherlands at the extreme ends of the spectrum. Thankfully, the majority of people are reasonable and voted for parties such as the VVD, D66, the CDA, and Groenlinks. Whether or not it will be possible to form a coalition to govern the country from those parties remains to be seen. Perhaps Dutch tolerance isn’t dead after all; it’s just seriously wounded.

No animals were hurt during the writing of this post.

Until next time, “rot op met je Baklava, geef mij maar ouderwetse vlaflip!”

Keep Zwarte Piet Black New Law To Protect Dutch Culture

February 16, 2017 By Simon Woolcot

Keep Zwarte Piet Black!

The PVV, the party of Geert Wilders, are proposing a new law to keep Zwarte Piet black. I say black, but actually, brown is also ok. Martin Bosma, a spokesperson for the PVV goes as far as to suggest that the physical characteristics of Zwarte Piet need to be defined in law.

His rationale for doing this is to protect Dutch culture from the influence of Islam, which makes perfect sense. I live in Amsterdam and it’s impossible to walk anywhere without people trying to convert me to Islam. Ok, it’s never actually happened, but it might, which makes the concerns of the PVV completely reasonable.

This law has absolutely nothing to do with the 2017 general election?and attempting to win the votes of bigots, sorry, I mean concerned citizens. ?In fact, the PVV are correct when they suggest that some elements of Dutch culture should be protected by law. Which brings me to the subject of today’s post, some suggestions on Dutch traditions that should be made law in order to protect them.

Fifty Shades of Black Acceptable Colors for Zwarte Piets

In 2016 several Dutch city councils moved away from having only traditional black Piets?and moved to having multicolored?ones instead. The PVV regard this as an attack on Dutch culture. If their suggestion becomes law, it will be important to know which shades of brown or black will be in compliance with the new law.

I spoke with a PVV insider who has provided me with the shades of color that will be allowed when playing Zwarte Piet.

Obama Brown

In honor of the most popular US President for many years. Geert Wilders couldn’t stand Obama, but what a beautiful shade of brown. Perfect for the new legally compliant Piets.

keep zwarte piet black by using this shade of brown — Perfect shade of brown for ZP

Tupac dark Brown

It’s a little-known fact that Geert Wilders is a huge fan of gangster rap. He can often be heard saying to his bodyguards, “yo, yo, if any Muslim tries to kill me, make sure you put a cap in their ass”. Naturally, he named this shade after the greatest rapper of them all, Tupac.

Golliwog Black

The classic, ‘definitely not a black man’, the?most popular shade of black used by Zwarte Piets in the Netherlands.

Golliwogs — Depending on the age of the person playing Zwarte Piet use the correct shade of black as per the photo

Kiwi black

Apply only this brand of black shoe polish on your face. However, it will be illegal to describe it as ‘blackface’.

shoe polish for Zwarte Piet — Legally approved polish for Zwarte Piet color

Physical Characteristics of Zwarte Piet

The law will protect the physical characteristics of Zwarte Piet.

Afro Hair

People playing Zwarte Piet have worn afro wigs since long before the discovery of the African continent. Recently,?some caves were discovered in the Dutch city of Venlo. On the walls of one of the caves was a painting of a figure in a bright red suit with afro hair giving what looked like small stones to a group of smiling cave children.

Bright Red Lips

You can’t keep Zwarte Piet black or brown without also enforcing the wearing of red lipstick when playing him. The color of the lips being bright red are simply part of the costume.

Surinaams Accent

Another important characteristic of ZP is naturally his accent. This should be thick Surinaams (when no black people are around or in a parade surrounded by lots of police officers).

Why keeping Zwarte Piet black is so important

Keeping Zwarte Piet black is critical. Every year, lots of Dutch people in small villages dress up as Zwarte Piet and are in and out of each other’s wives and girlfriends. When young Jeroen sees a Zwarte Piet leaving his mother’s bedroom, he thinks, “oh Zwarte Piet is here giving my mother an early delivery of presents for me wat leuk!”. ?What if the ZP only had streaks of soot on his face?and no lipstick? Jeroen would recognize his uncle Jan and realize that he’s been porking his mother. The very fabric of village family life would break down in the Netherlands. Won’t somebody please think about the children? For this reason, the Shallow Man says keep Zwarte Piet black. Het is gewoon een kinderfeest!

Sinterklaas Amsterdam ceremony not racist at all — Anouk, Mariska, Noortje, laat me met rust ik ben moo!

Other parts of Dutch culture that should be protected by law

Rokjesdag

Red jeans and crocs

Ugg boots and smoking

Blue?suits and brown shoes

White sneakers

The wearing of Birkenstocks all year round

Bitterballen

Loved by Dutch men and women — 1st date love food

Without a law to protect the items above, the Islamization of the Netherlands will continue and before you know it we’ll all be eating Baklava, Pide, and Couscous. Dutch women will be forced to wear headscarves, which would be a real shame for me personally as I’d laugh a lot less when out and about in Amsterdam.

No gangster rappers were hurt during the writing of this post.

Till next time, rot op naar?je eigen dorp!

Ik ben geen racist maar….. Sylvana Simons and the Death of Dutch Tolerance

November 27, 2016 By Simon Woolcot

Ik ben geen racist maar….

Dutch tolerance is dead! It?died a lonely, painful, and some would say shameful death.

As the coffin was taken to the cemetery, people lined the streets and could be heard saying to each other, ?”ik ben geen racist maar….Sylvana Simons”. Which brings me to the subject of today’s post, the death of Dutch tolerance.

Ik ben geen racist maar…negerzoenen

Some say that the slow and painful death of Dutch tolerance began when a left-wing multinational corporation, dared to stop calling one of its products negerzoenen. This literally translates to “nigger or negro kisses”.

According to some?Dutch people, there’s nothing offensive at all about the term ‘neger’. So changing the name of the product as not to offend actual negers was just political correctness gone mad! Hence the common (and false) claims on Dutch social media of “Ik blijf negerzoenen gewoon negerzoenen noemen”. “I still?call negerzoenen, negerzoenen“. What they actually forgot to add was, “when no black people are around”.

Ik ben geen racist maar…Sylvana Simons

In the Netherlands, it’s absolutely acceptable?to use racist language and hate speech on social media, when discussing the black political activist, “Sylvana Simons”.

If you want to see how Dutch tolerance was murdered, ?just go and check out the Facebook pages of mainstream Dutch news sites. You’ll see some incredibly?racist comments, but it’s ok if you start or end sentences with the disclaimer of, “ik ben geen racist maar”, ?(fill in racist comment), or simply mention?Sylvana Simons.

screenshot-2016-11-23-13-58-30 — Close the borders and send Sylvana back to the trees. Close the borders and everyone that doesn’t belong here keep them out

Ik ben geen racist maar Sylvana Simons deserves what she gets..

According to the majority of comments on many Dutch social media pages, it’s completely reasonable to respond to criticism of Zwarte Piet and racism in Dutch society by making a video in which the head of Sylvana Simons is photoshopped on to photographs of the corpses of black people lynched by the Klu Klux Klan.

It’s also fine to add her image to the body of a starving African child. It’s just a joke, a form of protest against a woman that dares to claim that racism exists in Dutch society. Which is of course not true, the Dutch are tolerant, even if they do respond to criticism by minorities with racist language. In fact?many commentators say, “the video is disgusting but……….she started it by accusing the Dutch of racism. Domme aap”. (Dumb ape).

ik ben geen racist maar it's ok to have pictures of a lynching to criticise someone — It’s ok it’s Sylvana Simons

Ik ben geen racist maar… taxpayers money to protect a neger???

Due to the video, and an increasing number of death threats, the Police are now protecting Sylvana Simons. Considering the fact that she’s probably the most hated person in the Netherlands, this didn’t come as a surprise to many. However, within minutes of this being announced, Dutch social media was flooded with angry Dutch people complaining that taxpayers money was being wasted protecting someone who had brought the hatred on herself.

With a stunning lack of irony, Geert Wilders, a man that’s had police protection for years, suggested that if she were to shut down her political party, then the problem would be solved. Excellent suggestion. I hope that Geert Wilders follows his own advice and leaves politics.

The ultimate hypocrite Geert Wilders — The ultimate hypocrite “onze” Geert

Don’t discuss racial hatred against Sylvana Simons on the BBC

Even the BBC has picked up on the story. Leading to people that would usually spend their time hurling racial abuse on Facebook pages such as Nederland Mijn Vaderland, joining the discussion to deny that there’s any racism involved. In fact?it’s her own fault for criticising Zwarte Piet. The death of Dutch tolerance has become global news.…

Sylvana Simons featured on the BBC News website due to Dutch race row — Embarrassing, Sylvana Simons race row featured on the BBC

Dutch tolerance is dead long live?hate speech

The body might still be warm, but Dutch tolerance is dead.

There are people that will say, “Shallow Man you can’t claim that the Dutch are no longer tolerant just because a few people make racist comments on social media”. To which my response is quite simply to look at the following:

Geert Wilders a man who?hates Muslims and has called for less Moroccans in the Netherlands, is currently ahead in the opinion?polls and his party will probably win the most votes at?the next election
The number of people who deny that racism exists in the Netherlands?by responding with racist comments
The?trouble that breaks out every time the Government tries to house Asylum Seekers anywhere in the country “Ik ben geen racist maar…why here???”

Hate speech on social media in the Netherlands is now gewoon (normal).??The Zwarte Piet debate, the hysterical and disproportionate hatred of Sylvana Simons, ?along with the increase?in popularity of Geert Wilders and his political party, shows that there is a huge number of hardcore bigots in Dutch society.

Ik ben geen racist maar… the Dutch approach to racism

Expat: Who is Sylvana Simons and why do so many Dutch people hate her?

Dutch person: Don’t ask about her, she’s just an ungrateful ape that hates the Dutch

Expat: She’s black isn’t she? You shouldn’t call her an ape, that’s racist

Dutch person: She’s the racist one, I’m Dutch, we can’t be racist

Expat: But you called her an ape

Dutch person: Did I say ape? I meant to say monkey

Expat: That’s disgraceful and still racist

Dutch person: I told you already, I’m Dutch, so can’t be racist. Are you a liberal left winger?

Expat: No, I just don’t like racism

Dutch person: Well it’s a good thing you live in Holland then, we’re tolerant

Expat: But you just called a black woman an ape

Dutch person: We’re tolerant as long as minorities agree with us, if they don’t then it’s justified to use hate speech, doe maar lekker racistisch! Gezellig! Anyway if you don’t like it here…

Expat: Let me guess, I should rot op naar mijn eigen land?

Dutch person: Precies!

racism in the Netherlands — No problem here look away

To be fair, it’s not just a Dutch problem, one only has to look at Brexit and the election of Donald Trump to see that everyday fascism is on the march, and with Geert Wilders ahead in the polls, the Netherlands will soon be the next country to have a?racist?in a position of power.

From the NOS Facebook page discussion about Sylvana Simons “send the neger to the gas chamber”

Dutch tolerance is as dead as Andre Hazes, the Dutch cap and the singing career of Lady Gaga.

The Dutch cap traditional Dutch headwear — The Dutch cap

No PVV supporters?were hurt during the writing of this post

Till next time, if you say things on social media that you wouldn’t repeat in the presence of minorities, then congratulations, you’ve integrated well into Dutch society, applause!

The Uitzwaaidag Islam Dutch Tolerance Strikes Back!

July 26, 2016 By Simon Woolcot

Dutch tolerance, just when I thought it was?as dead as disco, out of blue it?makes a grand return! ?Which brings me to the subject of today’s post, the uitzwaaidag Islam, Dutch tolerance strikes back!

Another day another uitzwaaidag event

If social media had existed during the time of the NSDAP (Nazi party) things would have been so much easier. There would have been no need for media such as Der Sturmer?,?instead, Goebbels and his propaganda machine could simply have used Facebook to create pages such as Deutschland mein Vaterland, and of course they could have arranged uitzwaaidag events for people they hated.

Fast forward to 2016, and what do we have? The far right movement in the Netherlands has a Facebook page called Nederland mein Vaderland. Which they of course claim has nothing to do with racism or intolerance, yet it has wonderful messages such as the image below.

The right wing obsession with uitzwaaien

Uitzwaaien, means to send away. Or to wave goodbye. ?Earlier this year a couple of PVV (the party of Geert Wilders) supporters, got together and created an event on Facebook for the deportation?of a lady who dared to be black while criticising Zwarte Piet. This event quickly went viral, with thousands of people signing up to attend. It was so full of hate speech, that even Mark (jellyfish) Rutte, the Dutch Prime Minister, criticised both the event, and its organisers.

Some of the ‘tolerant’ folks that made comments on the event page, such as wishing Sylvana Simons to be gassed in a concentration camp, may face prosecution under Dutch anti-discrimination law.

Jeroen, when we said stick some pork on the Mosque this is not what we meant — Jeroen, when we said stick some pork on the door of the Mosque this is not what we meant

The Uitzwaaidag Islam event

Another uitzwaaidag event has been created. Planned for March 15th 2017, is an event at Schiphol to wave goodbye to all?Muslims. The organiser, Sonya Bethare, is one of the intellectual giants of our time. Just read the quotes below taken from her description of the event.

“De islam is een intolerante ideologie die niet thuishoort in het Westen”

Islam is an intolerant ideology that doesn’t belong in the west

‘Wij zeggen NEE tegen deze haatcultuur en zwaaien graag de Islam en consorten uit op 15 maart 2017. Doe jij mee?’

We say NO to this hate culture and will happily wave Islam and its consorts out of the country on March 15th. Are you taking part?

I’m impressed by her logic, which seeks to fight alleged intolerance, with…..more intolerance. Sonya, is a member of the PVV, a party that claims to love the Netherlands, but apparently not its constitution which guarantees freedom of religion.

Dutch tolerance strikes back

Thousands of people have signed up to attend the uitzwaaidag Islam event. I was expecting a repeat of the Sylvana Simons event page, with a deluge of hate filled comments, but for the first time in recent memory, the Shallow Man was wrong. 😉 ?Instead of hate, an incredible thing happened. Lots of native Dutch people (and a certain shallow expat) have joined with Muslims in?ridiculing the event. Humor is being used in response to a?clear incitement to hatred.

Uitzwaaidag Islam reactions — Humor against hatred (copyright Facebook)

For example, in the above post, Alexis de Roode says the following:
‘Until now I wasn’t a Muslim, but there are so many nice people going on this group journey that I’ve got hold of a copy of the Koran. I’m going to read it immediately, so count me in! Thank you Sonya. (Tip: I’ve never been to Indonesia!)’

Dutch Tolerance, welcome back, do stick around

The event page is full of witty comments from both Muslim and non-muslim Nederlanders. Even the heart of a bitter cynic like me?was moved, to see people called Maike, Jeroen and even Anouk, using sarcasm and outright brilliant humor to make a fool of the event organiser. She?is no doubt shocked and upset to see her hate event turned into one of the most amusing pages on Facebook.

The event actually does promise a free trip out of the country, so I’ve asked that if I convert to Islam on the 14th of March, whether I’d qualify for a trip out of the Netherlands to my destination of choice, Montego Bay, Jamaica. After all, the purpose of the event is to send Muslims out of the country, it doesn’t actually say where to.

uitzwaaidag islam reacties — A Muslim thanking the event organiser for the free holiday

Final words on the uitzwaaidag Islam event

The beautiful irony of the uitzwaaidag Islam?event is that instead of fanning the flames of bigotry, it has actually, brought people of different faiths (or none) together. Yes it’s only virtual, but it’s a great start, and a slap in the face for the PVV and it’s bigoted followers. Even though statistically speaking, we are talking about a tiny percentage of the Dutch population, it’s still wonderful to know that there are many people out there that are smart enough to reject hate with humor.

In the past I’ve certainly highlighted the gaps between the Dutch self image of tolerance, and reality, but in this case, I’m happy to be proved wrong and see Dutch tolerance striking back.

Goed zo!

No bigoted event organisers were hurt during the writing of this post

Till next time,?hou je kop!