netherlands

Good morning dear reader! Yesterday evening Mark Rutte announced the latest coronavirus lockdown policy updates.

• Primary schools to be reopened on May 11th for 50% of the time
• Nurseries and after-school care to resume on the same date
• Primary school children can do team sports together from April 28th but no competitions
• Middelbare/Secondary school children will also be able to do sport together
• Professional athletes will be allowed to train at approved locations but must adhere to the social distancing rules
• All events remain banned until September 1st
• Dentists and oral hygienists are allowed to open again
• No changes for the Horeca sector they must remain closed
• Contact professions such as hairdressers and masseurs remain closed
• Visits to care homes remain forbidden
• People who can work from home are expected to continue doing so

The winners of the coronavirus lockdown update

1. Parents of 4 to 11 year olds

If around 19:00 yesterday evening you heard the sound of incredibly loud cheering and wondered what the hell was going on. Here’s your answer. The celebrations ringing out throughout this denim and leopard print loving land was the sound of parents, overjoyed that basis schools will reopen (for 50% of the usual time) on May 11th. All nurseries and after-school care (BSO) are also approved for opening again at the same time. So break out the frozen bitterballen and Chateau Migraine. Let freedom reign!

2. Whiners who choose to live in city centers then complain about noise

All events and football matches are banned until September 1st. So no Gay Pride, Pink Pop nor festivals in the Westerpark or the RAI. Wonderful news for people who choose to live in the center of a busy city but then whine about the noise of events. This is indeed a wonderful time for those who have always yearned for village life while living in the most densely populated city in the Netherlands. Lekker logisch hoor!

3. Producers of home fitness products

My Instagram and Facebook feed is one long list of workout apps and fitness products that I can either buy or rent for home. Wonderful! Like many others, I continue to pay a monthly gym membership but am unable to use it. It’s an absolute boom time for people selling home fitness equipment. In fact, I even tried to buy some barbells but they’re pretty much sold out everywhere.

4. Supermarkets

It’s Sinterklaas and Christmas every day for the supermarkets at the moment. Wonderful times for them. Not so good if you’re not a panic-buying anti-social idiot. In my area the first possible delivery from the AH online is on May 6th.

The losers

1. The Netherlands top manufacturers and exporters

The producers of one of the Netherlands top export products were devastated at the announcement that all festivals and outdoor events are cancelled until September 1st. Hardworking manufacturers and distributors of XTC simply don’t know how they’re going to be able to get rid of the vast inventory of products they’ve produced for the annual festival season. I spoke with one of the leading manufacturers of this product based in Brabant. Rob de Grote Boef.

Dit is echt kut man! /I’m seriously not a happy chappy that the Dutch government is ignoring the producers of one of the countries largest export products. Hardworking innovative businesses like mine contribute to the Dutch economy. People who consume our products spend large amounts of money on Red Bull and junk food. They’re also happy to pay festival promoters huge amounts of money to not dance in a park to repetitive EDM. Have you heard that shit man? Our products make it bearable! Plus my distributors also help the economy by buying Range Rovers, expensive watches and Louis Vuitton accessories. Cancelling the festival season will hurt the economy. I’ll have to sell one of the apartments that I paid in cash for in Amsterdam! Dit hele gebeuren is?echt triest?en zielig.”

via GIPHY

2. The Hospitality Business/Horeca

Restaurants, cafes and bars will remain closed for the time being. It’s a bitter pill for them to swallow as many have to continue paying rent for premises they’re unable to use. Let alone the fact that the sun is shining, a time when the terraces of cafes are usually so crowded that you can see the cigarette smoke from space.

3. Instagram food bloggers

Please spare thoughts and prayers for the 500,000 Instagram influencers in the Netherlands who visit places like The Avocado Show cafe and post pretty images of their exclusively priced creations. How are food influencers supposed to survive with all the restaurants and cafes being closed?

via GIPHY

4. Small businesses and people on temporary contracts

Speaking as a small business person myself, I can tell you that the extended lockdown sucks. It’s bad for all freelancers and small businesses. The banning of events until September 1st will cause many people financial problems and I expect that a lot of small businesses will not survive the lockdown.

5. Hairdressers

The continued closure of hairdressers is not only aesthetically displeasing but of course tough for people in that line of work.

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Harsh but true ??#dutchbun #doemaargewoon #doemaargecloned #kutexpats

A post shared by Simon Woolcot (@the_shallow_man) on Mar 27, 2020 at 2:49am PDT

Next major lockdown policy update on May 21st

Most of the lockdown measures will remain in place until May 21st when the government will announce if they will make any further changes to the rules.

I’ll end today’s post with a quote from former US President George Bush junior. “The problem with the French is that they have no word in their language for entrepreneur”

Many entrepreneurs were hurt during the writing of this post.

For more Shallow Wisdom join my Facebook group.

Until next time. ‘Hou je snavel’.

At a press conference yesterday, Dutch prime minister Mark Rutte announced that actually he didn’t really have much to announce. He was more slippery than a married man caught by friends of his wife with a profile on Tinder. “I was just curious to see what it was like liefje, seriously!” Getting back to the subject of the press conference, the prime minister was vague about when the current “intelligent lockdown” would be lifted.

There was however a glimmer of hope. The ministry of health is investigating the launch of smartphone apps that will warn people if they’ve come into contact with anyone that has the coronavirus. Such apps are already being used in South Korea and Singapore.

The elephant in the room

I’m amazed that with all the well educated and highly intelligent people working in the Dutch government, that not one person has suggested the obvious. Why invest time and money on the development of new tools when practically every Dutch person in this country is using one or both of the following apps.

• Tikkie
• Tinder

The government should simply declare a state of emergency and force the providers of the apps to add coronavirus alerts. Here are some examples of how this could work.

1. Tikkie Alert

Obviously for privacy reasons names and phone numbers will have to be removed from messages. But if you come into contact with someone who has the coronavirus you could receive the following Tikkie.

2. Tinder

The Tinder app could also be adapted to break the news in a positive manner.

Being spied on by the government, the new normaal?

Prime Minister Mark Rutte was pretty clear that the use of apps to notify and track people with the coronavirus would be one of the conditions for loosening the current lockdown conditions. He was clear that there would be a new kind of normaal once the lockdowns are eventually lifted.

The use of apps to track people who have the coronavirus triggers a number of concerns for me.

• Data privacy. Once part of the government knows you’ve had the coronavirus how do we know that this data won’t be passed on to other departments, insurance companies or even other countries?
• Is having a spy from the government in your phone 24×7 which will be able to track all your movements a good thing?
• What’s to stop someone who has the coronavirus and who doesn’t want their data shared to simply buy a second phone without the app?

Obviously, the sooner the lockdown ends the better. But I hope that our civil liberties and right to privacy won’t be watered down. What do you think? Post your thoughts on here or in the Shallow Man Facebook group or page.

No government spies were hurt during the writing of this post.

In a press conference this evening, the Dutch prime minister Mark Rutte announced that the current Coronavirus emergency rules in place in the Netherlands will continue until April 28th.

• Schools will remain closed up until the 28th, including the May vacation period, something that will bring tears to the eyes of many parents.
• Bars, Cafes and Restaurants will remain closed.
• The social distancing rules of 1.5 meters will remain in place
• The advice to work from home if possible remains
• Gyms will remain closed

Advice for individuals and families

• Stay at home as much as possible unless you’re looking after someone or need to do essential shopping.
• Leaving home to get some fresh air is allowed
• Even if you only have light cold symptoms, stay home

Education

• Schools will remain closed until the May vacation period
• For children whose parents carry out critical jobs, they’re can continue attending nurseries and BSO’s

Shops Markets and the hospitality business

• Markets and shops can remain open
• So-called ‘contact’ professions such as hairdressers and masseurs are banned
• Bars and restaurants to remain closed
• Food delivery services are allowed to continue to operate

Government support packages for businesses and freelancers

There are a number of emergency financial aid packages to support freelancers and businesses. What’s clear is that the longer these rules are in place, the more likely it is that many businesses will fail.

Emergency Coronavirus Rules to be reviewed on April 21st

A week before the 28th of April, the Dutch government will make a decision on whether or not to extend the rules again.

Coronavirus Testing

The Health Minister, Hugo Matthe?s De Jonge, announced that currently, the Dutch health system has the capacity to carry out 4000 tests a day. This will be expanded to 17, 500 per day but the goal is to be able to run 29,000 tests per day and to be able to test all health workers.

On the plus side

Supermarkets will continue to make a fortune from panic buyers stocking up on toilet paper and hagelslag. So even if many small businesses collapse, we can all go and work for Albert Heijn or Jumbo. They need all the help they can get.

No stressed parents were hurt during the writing of this post

The winners and losers of the Coronavirus outbreak in the Netherlands

Hello dear readers. At the time of writing it’s day three of the official semi-lockdown in the Netherlands.

Current status

• All gyms, bars, cafes, restaurants, coffee shops and sex clubs will remain closed until April 6th.
• From Saturday, March 20, there will only be two trains an hour from every station in the Netherlands
• Nightrains will no longer be running.? Check the NS website schedules if you’re planning to take a train.

Herd immunity

The medical authority of the Netherlands, the RIVM appear to be relying on ‘herd immunity’. In a speech on Monday, Dutch Prime Minister Mark Rutte stated (quite honestly) that the Dutch health system would not be able to cope with treating everyone who falls ill. He stated that most of us (60%) will catch the Coronavirus and will then be immune to it. I’m only a Shallow Man, so can’t help wondering how many of the 60% will die as a result, but well, helaas pindakaas.? As Bob Marley said, ‘everything’s gonna be alright’. Until it isn’t.

The world health organisation has been critical of the herd immunity approach, as without a vaccine it’s a high-risk strategy. Their advice is to test as many people as possible. Unfortunately, like many other countries, the Netherlands has a shortage of Coronavirus testing kits.

I’m not a scientist and of course, everyone has an opinion about the best way of dealing with the Coronavirus. The Dutch government and the RIVM are doing what they believe are the right things to flatten the curve of infection.? Here’s a link to the RIVM and their advice in English about the Coronavirus and how they plan to deal with it.

The winners and losers of the Coronavirus outbreak

The Winners

1. Retailers

I for one am ecstatic that clothes shops are allowed to stay open. They provide an essential service that’s often underrated by the general public. If Anouk realises that her favourite leopard print top has a cigarette burn, she can hop on her bike, cycle along the pavement (which due fears of the Coronavirus are almost empty) and buy a replacement. She can even get herself some new flared jeans, which will be fashionable this year. As they were last and the year before and the five years before that.

 

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A post shared by Simon Woolcot (@the_shallow_man) on Oct 3, 2019 at 2:52am PDT

 

2. Coffee Shops

Not cafes serving coffee, but actual good old fashioned famous Dutch weed cafes. They were largely taken for granted until last Sunday when the government announced that they would close from 18:00. Suddenly there were long queues as people panicked at the thought of having to wait until April 6th before smoking a joint again. Such is the demand in the Netherlands for weed that the government has actually excluded coffee shops from the lockdown. The exception was made due to the number of street drug dealers that decided to take advantage of the coffee shop closures.

The next time a Dutch person tells you that it’s only expats and tourists that smoke weed in the Netherlands ask them to politely rot op.

3. Supermarkets

Ever since Dutch prime minister Mark Rutte said ?Je?hoeft niet te hamsteren?, Christmas has come early for Dutch supermarkets. The Dutch are busy with Hamsteren, and in the words of that old song, “nothings gonna stop us now”.? Sales have increased by 50% and the Jumbo supermarket chain had its highest turnover in a single day ever.? In spite of the supermarkets being open, this hasn’t deterred street dealers.

Trying to order online from supermarkets is also a joke at the moment. In my area of Amsterdam, there are no available slots for delivery before April 2nd.

 

Losers

4. People who can’t work from home

It’s all well and good telling people to work from home, but not everyone can. What about people who actually do the real work in our society? What about cleaners? My cleaner is hardly going to schedule a video call and clean the house remotely. Taxi drivers who I usually have little sympathy for, are also well and truly screwed.

5. The Self-employed and people in the Horeca business

Now is not a good time to be self-employed or to own a restaurant or cafe. Not every cafe and restaurant can convert to a delivery-only model. Even if they do, many businesses will still have to deal with reduced income and in many cases high fixed costs.? ZZP’ers, one-man businesses have a double whammy of not being entitled to sick pay if they get ill and face the threat of losing assignments if as is expected the Coronavirus caused a recession. The Dutch government have just announced that the self-employed will receive emergency financial support of up to 1500 euros a month.

 

These are scary times. I’m following the advice of working from home, washing my hands for 20 seconds and keeping social contact to a minimum.

Be careful out there

No amateur virologists were hurt during the writing of this post.

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