Good morning dear reader! Yesterday evening Mark Rutte announced the latest coronavirus lockdown policy updates.

  • Primary schools to be reopened on May 11th for 50% of the time
  • Nurseries and after-school care to resume on the same date
  • Primary school children can do team sports together from April 28th but no competitions
  • Middelbare/Secondary school children will also be able to do sport together
  • Professional athletes will be allowed to train at approved locations but must adhere to the social distancing rules
  • All events remain banned until September 1st
  • Dentists and oral hygienists are allowed to open again
  • No changes for the Horeca sector they must remain closed
  • Contact professions such as hairdressers and masseurs remain closed
  • Visits to care homes remain forbidden
  • People who can work from home are expected to continue doing so

The winners of the coronavirus lockdown update

1. Parents of 4 to 11 year olds

If around 19:00 yesterday evening you heard the sound of incredibly loud cheering and wondered what the hell was going on. Here’s your answer. The celebrations ringing out throughout this denim and leopard print loving land was the sound of parents, overjoyed that basis schools will reopen (for 50% of the usual time) on May 11th. All nurseries and after-school care (BSO) are also approved for opening again at the same time. So break out the frozen bitterballen and Chateau Migraine. Let freedom reign!

2. Whiners who choose to live in city centers then complain about noise

All events and football matches are banned until September 1st. So no Gay Pride, Pink Pop nor festivals in the Westerpark or the RAI. Wonderful news for people who choose to live in the center of a busy city but then whine about the noise of events. This is indeed a wonderful time for those who have always yearned for village life while living in the most densely populated city in the Netherlands. Lekker logisch hoor!

3. Producers of home fitness products

My Instagram and Facebook feed is one long list of workout apps and fitness products that I can either buy or rent for home. Wonderful! Like many others, I continue to pay a monthly gym membership but am unable to use it. It’s an absolute boom time for people selling home fitness equipment. In fact, I even tried to buy some barbells but they’re pretty much sold out everywhere.

I used to be a pimp but selling fitness equipment makes me much more cash

4. Supermarkets

It’s Sinterklaas and Christmas every day for the supermarkets at the moment. Wonderful times for them. Not so good if you’re not a panic-buying anti-social idiot. In my area the first possible delivery from the AH online is on May 6th.

The losers

1. The Netherlands top manufacturers and exporters

The producers of one of the Netherlands top export products were devastated at the announcement that all festivals and outdoor events are cancelled until September 1st. Hardworking manufacturers and distributors of XTC simply don’t know how they’re going to be able to get rid of the vast inventory of products they’ve produced for the annual festival season. I spoke with one of the leading manufacturers of this product based in Brabant. Rob de Grote Boef.

Dit is echt kut man! /I’m seriously not a happy chappy that the Dutch government is ignoring the producers of one of the countries largest export products. Hardworking innovative businesses like mine contribute to the Dutch economy. People who consume our products spend large amounts of money on Red Bull and junk food. They’re also happy to pay festival promoters huge amounts of money to not dance in a park to repetitive EDM. Have you heard that shit man? Our products make it bearable! Plus my distributors also help the economy by buying Range Rovers, expensive watches and Louis Vuitton accessories. Cancelling the festival season will hurt the economy. I’ll have to sell one of the apartments that I paid in cash for in Amsterdam! Dit hele gebeuren is echt triest en zielig.”


2. The Hospitality Business/Horeca

Restaurants, cafes and bars will remain closed for the time being. It’s a bitter pill for them to swallow as many have to continue paying rent for premises they’re unable to use. Let alone the fact that the sun is shining, a time when the terraces of cafes are usually so crowded that you can see the cigarette smoke from space.

3. Instagram food bloggers

Please spare thoughts and prayers for the 500,000 Instagram influencers in the Netherlands who visit places like The Avocado Show cafe and post pretty images of their exclusively priced creations. How are food influencers supposed to survive with all the restaurants and cafes being closed?


4. Small businesses and people on temporary contracts

Speaking as a small business person myself, I can tell you that the extended lockdown sucks. It’s bad for all freelancers and small businesses. The banning of events until September 1st will cause many people financial problems and I expect that a lot of small businesses will not survive the lockdown.

5. Hairdressers

The continued closure of hairdressers is not only aesthetically displeasing but of course tough for people in that line of work.

Next major lockdown policy update on May 21st

Most of the lockdown measures will remain in place until May 21st when the government will announce if they will make any further changes to the rules.

I’ll end today’s post with a quote from former US President George Bush junior. “The problem with the French is that they have no word in their language for entrepreneur”

Many entrepreneurs were hurt during the writing of this post.

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Until next time. ‘Hou je snavel’.