Sinterklaas Pakjes Avond is coming
To all the expats with Dutch partners at this time of year, I feel your pain. Pakjes Avond is coming, which means that in the next couple of days, you WILL be getting together with your Dutch partner’s family to celebrate the Sinterklaas season. What an absolute joy that will be.
The bloody poems!
A gezellig time will be had by everyone, and yes, you WILL enjoy it, you kut buitenlander. (Foreigner). If you’re new to this, here’s what to expect. By now you would already have been given a list of which members of the family you’re expected to buy presents for and how much you’re supposed to spend on them.
The dreaded family WhatsApp app group will be used to request presents. So, for example, OMA (grandma) might say, “I’ll have the Rabbit butterfly vibrator, Zwart alstublieft”.
Then, the dreaded day will come when the entire family will get together. What’s really important is that you’re expected to write a bloody poem for the person you buy a present for. The concept behind the poem is that it should be mildly amusing and written as if it is from Sinterklaas. This is actually a good thing, as if anyone is offended by the poem, you put the blame on the old white guy with the bishop’s hat. Leuk!
So, let your creativity run wild. Here are some examples of poems you can use in 2023. I did write a post about this way back in 2014 when the Zwarte Piets were still black, and the Dutch folks were denying it had anything to do with race. Oh, I miss those days. 😉
Modern Sinterklaas poems 2023 by Sinterklaas for the family
For your partners sister
Esme, meid! What a year 2023 has been for you. You hate your job and don’t know what to do. You’ve spent thousands of euros on career coaching. But a solution is in no way approaching. So I asked the head Piet, who, when it comes to giving advice, has uncanny powers. That’s not bad for a man whose contract is zero hours.
He said, “The problem with Esme, as much as I hate to be the one to say, is that she hates people! Even if she was the last person on a call on Zoom, she could start an argument in an empty room.” We love you, Esme, for the way you are, and with your personality, the best job for you is to go and work in HR.
For your partners father
2023 was the year when you experienced your greatest fear. Your youngest daughter, my dear Sander, is in a relationship with a buitenlander. Not that you have a problem with foreigners from the UK. If asked about it, you would say, “When I first met him, I was echt geschrokken. But I was happy that at least he wasn’t Moroccan.
You are open and tolerant, as all can see, which is why in the election, you voted for the PVV.
For your partners mother
Ingrid, je bent echt een kutwijf!
For your partners grandmother
Gerrie. Always careful and never merry. So busy, so intense and as always you don’t put up with any nonsense. Sadly as Sinterklaas, I must say that even by Dutch standards, when it comes to saving money, you make Scrooge McDuck look generous
You are just so miserly and mean. Every single cent possible, you save. Some say that your refusal to ever turn on the central heating sent your man to an early grave. With your neighbour Jan, you had a quickie. He was shocked when you sent him a Tikkie.
All that saving has made you bitter and thin. And the Sint knows the present you were supposed to buy for your daughter you found in a bin. Fijne Sinterklaas Gerrie. Let’s hope it’s your last.
Feel free to copy and paste the poems above and adjust the names as required.
No people working on zero-hours contracts were hurt during the writing of this post.