Amsterdam bike lane users were shocked and dismayed as the police actually did their jobs and fined people!

Amsterdam Bike Lane users are usually above the laws of man and god

As the man caught by his wife in bed with two women said,  “let me provide some context”.

Everyone that has ever cycled in Amsterdam knows that the 11th commandment is “blessed are the cyclists for they are holy and above the laws of man and god”. 

So it’s incredible that the police actually decided to apply the law to bike lane users.

Statement from the Amsterdam Police

Having finally carried out the job they’re paid to do, the police proudly boasted on Twitter that in response to reports about ‘overlast’ from cyclists and moped/scooter riders, they finally decided to do something about it.

I say finally because anyone who has had the pleasure of cycling in Amsterdam, especially during rush hour, knows it’s a complete free-for-all and a series of hair raising near misses.


The Politie in Action on a Bike Lane in Amsterdam and some of the results

To catch bike lane users in their usual mode, i.e. up to no bloody good, police officers bravely risked their lives and cycled with the public! (I’m sure the officers in question will win bravery awards just for that).

The shocking results

Please sit down while reading this, as the results are astounding!

If a policeman stops you and charges you for an infringement of the law, they carry out a proces verbaal/police report for later action, which can include a fine or even a court appearance.

36 people stopped for holding a telephone while cycling

My first reaction to this was, “only 36? really?” Shocking as it may seem, holding a phone while cycling became an offence in the Netherlands in 2019. Of course, the Dutch, who hate being told what to do by the kut government, largely ignored this law. The chances of being stopped by the police while texting, sexting or watching the White Lotus while cycling is as likely as a Dutch person not sending a Tikkie after picking up the tab for a coffee.

Illustration of woman angry at being stopped for using a smartphone on an Amsterdam bike lane
Anouk was not amused!

32 people stopped for cycling through a red light

Red traffic lights in Amsterdam mean ‘go, go, go’ for cyclists. My god, when I first moved to Amsterdam, I thought it was mandatory to ignore red traffic lights. I still remember the cry of , “KUT TOURIST, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU STOP FOR?”. Me, “the traffic light is red!”. Angry Jeroen. “NOBODY CARES ABOUT THAT, JUST KEEP CYCLING. IF YOU GET HIT BY A CAR AND END UP IN HOSPITAL, THE DRIVER IS IN THE WRONG. IT’S THE LAW!!!!”

“Yes, my foot is broken after I jumped a red light and was hit by a car. But I was in the right!!!!”

28 people riding without lights on their bikes

This is a gross act of class prejudice by the popo (police). You see, the middle classes are riding around breaking land speed records on the bike lanes with their kut opgefokte e-bikes. Opgefokt means that some e-bike owners have had their bikes tampered with so that they can ride faster than the average motor bike. E-bikes have integrated lighting systems.

Whereas Jordy and Fleur, frozen bitterballen from Aldi consumers have to make do with ordinary push bikes and are expected to spend their cash on lights and batteries so they remain visible to other road users in the dark. Plus, the police carried out this gestapo like action in January. January when everyone knows that Dutch people have spent all their money in December on fireworks! It’s class warfare!

19 police reports due to not having ID

More evidence of living in a politiestaat/police state. Not having an ID gets you fined? It reminds me of the old joke about how does a German open an Oyster? Two knocks on the shell followed by “open up and let me see your ID!’.

9 bikes riding in a pedestrian zone

“But officer, this is belachelijk! I live at number 415 of this street that’s why I’m on the pavement”. Police officer. “Yes, but that’s about a kilometer away, use the bike lane”.

That fine means I won’t be able to afford any E this month.

3 scooters on the bike lane plus one scooter rider without a helmet

Considering that the average opgefokte e-bike can outrace a scooter, I do have a tiny bit of sympathy for the scooter riders now banned from bike lanes. Again, the reality is that they know that there’s more of a chance of a Dutch person speaking Dutch with an expat than getting caught by the police so it is a low-risk option.

So that’s it for another year or five

So there you have it, the police have done their job and will no doubt wait a year or five before carrying out such an action again. The bike lane users will return to their usual asociaal behaviour faster than you can say, “Jordy has no game”. So fear not.

No Amsterdam bike lane users were hurt during the writing of this post.

Last thought. If the best things in life are free, why do I have to pay a Disney+ subscription in order to watch The Bear?