On Monday, July 18th, in the year of Anouk 2022, the KNMI declared that with a temperature of 30 degrees, it’s the first official tropical weather day of the year in the Netherlands. The maximum temperatures in the Netherlands are set to reach 38-39 degrees tomorrow.

Practical survival tips for tropical weather in the Netherlands

1. Join a queue for some overrated fabulous ice cream

Contrary to the slanderous statements by a certain shallow man who has claimed that the Dutch hate queuing. On rare hot and tropical days, they love nothing more than standing in ridiculously long queues to get their hands on some of the most beloved ice creams in the Netherlands from the ijscuypje.

Even if you don’t speak Dutch, you can make new friends in the long queue by saying, “Wat is het warm, hè?” This will make you instantly sympathetic, even if you own a property in Amsterdam and are personally to blame for the increase in property prices in the Netherlands for the past 20 years.

via GIPHY

2. Do something original like visiting a beach

There’s nothing more refreshing during this tropical weather than getting in a car with Lieke, Mieke, and Annika to visit the beach in Scheveningen or Zandvoort. The time spent stuck in traffic jams will allow you to text with old friends, arrange Tinder dates and post the excruciating details of your journey on Instagram. #kutfile #gewoonkut #liekeiseenstommemeidvolgendekeergewoonmetdeov

“Hey, Mieke, I have an original idea. Let’s go to Scheveningen

In the Netherlands, when is it a good time to complain? Altijd!! (All the time). Here are some examples you can use.

Have you seen the advice on the RIVM page ‘wat te doen bij hitte?’ Belachelijk!!!!

Interestingly enough, the RIVM, despite having a lot of content translated into English, doesn’t seem to regard informing non-Dutch speakers what to do when it’s hot worth translating. So I’ve taken the time to translate it for them.

Official advice

1. Drink voldoende/Drink Enough

Drink lots of water, tea or coffee even if you’re not thirsty, but by god, please don’t drink like the kut British tourists that come and contribute to our GDP by spending lots of money on booze, drugs and self-employed ladies who work out of windows. Nee! Doe normaal.

Drink by all means but not like the British

2. Houd uzelf koel/Keep yourself cool

Do your shopping between 6 and 8 am before the supermarkets actually open. Or better still, get your shopping delivered by one of the many kamikaze food delivery services that will attempt to deliver your goods by bike with the maximum body count and minimum delivery time or die trying.

3. Houd uw woning koel/Keep your home cool

The Dutch version of the RIVM site mentions turning on the air conditioning, which is not present in most Dutch homes. So the practical solution for most people is to keep the crappy little ventilator thingy open. This will have about as much use as throwing an ice cube at a raging fire, but the psychological effect of doing something, no matter how trivial, against the tropical heat will help.

4. Leave work early

Have a bath or a shower. If your employer doesn’t have a bath you can use, make sure to complain to HR about the cruel and unhealthy working environment. Leave the office early and spend the rest of the day on a crowded terrace roasting slowly in the sun like a doner kebab on a spit.

Jeroen’s employer provided exceptional benefits

Or better still, have an impromptu BBQ on your balcony and fill the neighbour’s homes with the delicious aromas of freshly grilled food. If there are any complaints, you can tell them that at least they now know that their smoke alarms function correctly.

5. Work from an airconditioned hotel

If you’re a globetrotting digital nomad, working in Almere one day and Eindhoven the next. Continue as you are, working out of air-conditioned hotels at your employers’ expense. Doe maar!

Enjoy the tropical weather while it lasts and stay safe.

No digital nomads were hurt during the writing of this post.