In what will not be a surprise to residents of this wonderful country, the Netherlands has been ranked as having the highest quality of life in the world by Numbeo.
To discuss the results, I interviewed Professor Anouk van de Witte Dorp from the University of Groningen.
Professor van de Witte Dorp
“Professor, you’ve put together a list of five reasons why the Netherlands has the highest quality of life in the world. Please explain”
The Dutch healthcare system is envied throughout the world. In the Netherlands, we save billions of euros a year by doing the following:
- Charging all adults an ever-increasing monthly healthcare premium.
- Employing doctors assistants that are trained in the art of evasive questioning, obfuscation and delaying tactics
- Doctors are taught to disbelieve patients’ symptoms openly and to send them home with advice to take paracetamol.
- Avoid preventative care as much as possible.
By doing the above, we save billions by stopping timewasters. So many people die this way that waiting lists to see specialists are extremely low. So those who survive and have managed to convince huisartsen that paracetamol didn’t cure them get to see medical specialists quickly.
2. Dutch food
Whereas in other countries, people have to be concerned about minor details such as flavour, wasting time seasoning food, or even marinating it overnight. Here in the Netherlands, we are much happier because cooking is simple and problem-free.
God gave us plenty of potatoes in this country and enough pigs, cows and chickens for our farmers to happily slaughter so we can have low-cost food. This enables the average Dutch family to be able to get home from work by 17.30, and boil, microwave or deep-fry healthy, hearty meals that are ready on the table by 18:00.
The time we don’t waste on cooking is much better spent on things such as watching Wie is De Kut Mol, Chantal blijft slapen, Chantal’s Pyjama Party, Chantal’s Tinder Dates, Chantal Gaat Marijuana Kopen or Chantal Has a One Night Stand. This really contributes to the Dutch quality of life.
Ignore the complaints from people who can’t afford to buy a home in one of our cities. I bought my first home in Amsterdam for 100,000 Guilders, sold it for 700,000 euros and now live like a queen in Groningen in a huge house! People need to focus on the positives. For example, yes to rent a home somewhere like Amsterdam is expensive. So you have to share. But what an experience that is! You get to share with people from different cultures. My daughter shares a home with people from Rotterdam, The Hague, Zwolle and Staphorst.
During the Sinterklaas season, the boy from Staphorst blacks himself up and invites some of his friends over who do the same. So she really has a chance to mix with black people even though they are black from the chimney, not Denzel Washington black. Lekker diverse!
Remember that in the Netherlands, you don’t see many homeless people. That’s because we hide them if we can. So that really improves the quality of life here.
4. Easy access to drugs
Please don’t underestimate the easy access people have to the drugs of their choice and how this affects their quality of life. In fact, I’m high right now. Dutch society positively encourages the consumption of drugs. Coffee shops, festivals, churches, working in financial services or for the police. All places where access to a steady supply of the recreational drugs of your choice is within easy reach. Some people might say that the increase in violent organised crime is a downside to easy access to drugs, but I live in a wealthy neighbourhood, and it doesn’t affect me personally, so I don’t care about that. Why would I?
5. Freedom to be direct, not rude
There are so many reasons why the Netherlands has the highest quality of life in the world. For example, the ability to ride your e-bike or scooter at high speeds through red traffic lights, on pavements or like a maniac on bike lanes and shouting “je moeder” at anyone that complains.
But the most important one for me is that you can say what the hell you like to people in the Netherlands. (As long as you are Dutch and not a foreigner). We take great pride in being direct. Yes, direct, not rude. So I can ask someone, for example, “zo errrrrr how much do you earn? Why do you wear so much makeup? Is it because you’re ugly without it?” If they dare to get offended, I can say in a weasel-like voice. “Are you upset? Dat was niet de bedoeling! Sorry hoor! I was just being direct. I’m Dutch! That’s how we are, and you better get used to it. If, however, she says that I look like a gecremeerde kroket. Well, she’ll hear from my lawyers. That’s just rude!
No white people wearing blackface were discriminated against during the writing of this post
Once a Doutche fella told me that there no homeless ppl in the Swamplands because they are being processed as frikandels.