The IND has announced a new points system for British people who would like to remain in the Netherlands after December 31st. It’s felt that this points system is the fairest way to ensure that people who truly love the Netherlands can be allowed to stay here and contribute positively to Dutch society and the economy.

Brexit points system explained

Proposed Points System For UK Citizens post-Brexit transition. 80 points required to pass.
Mandatory RequirementsPoints
Believing that Zwarte Piet is black from the chimney10
Agreeing that the Dutch are the most tolerant people in the world20
Accepting ‘Dat was niet de bedoeling‘ as a reason for offensive behaviour
from a Dutch person regardless of the situation
Financial RequirementsPoints
Owning a property anywhere in the Netherlands outside of Amsterdam-20
Owning a property in Amsterdam-40
Having the 30% ruling-50
Renting an apartment within the ring in Amsterdam-20
Aanpassen aan Nederlandse cultuurPoints
Owning a bike or a bakfiets20
Owning a deep-fat fryer10
Refusing to apologise under any circumstances20
Owning at least two items of clothing with leopard print 10
Owning several pairs of brown shoes or a backpack from Fjällräven 10
Owning a hairdryer -20
Wearing visible makeup-30
Being able to watch an entire edition of “Wie is de Mol?” without falling asleep20
Has consumed XTC at a festival several times10
Stating your opinion even if it’s not asked for20
Giving up your seat on public transport to the elderly or to pregnant women-20

The Brexit points system. How did you do?

Less than eighty points?

Sorry hoor! Time to rot op naar je eigen kut Brexit land.

More than eighty points?


Goed zo! Now learn to speak Dutch and remember that ‘here in Holland’ the Dutch are always right and you’re only tolerated, so know your place!

No Brits were hurt during the writing of this post. Happy April fools day!