Tourists visiting Amsterdam how to put them off visiting

According to the Dutch Central Bureau for Statistics (CBS). In 2017 there were over six million tourists visiting Amsterdam. This is of course dreadful. I mean the fact that tourists spent over 10 billion euros in 2017 throughout the Netherlands and the tourist market is worth over 80 billion euros to the Dutch economy is irrelevant.

Who cares about trivial things such as the economy and the number of jobs created as a result of tourism? Amsterdammers are fed up with English speaking staff in their stores and kut tourists doing stupid things such as stopping at red lights while cycling. Bizarrely enough some Dutch politicians in Amsterdam are thinking about ways to reduce the number of tourists visiting Amsterdam. Well, I have several suggestions that I am convinced will work. If my ideas are implemented I guarantee that pretty soon Amsterdam will be Dutch and gezellig once more. In fact, Amsterdammers will have plenty of time to enjoy their tourist-free city while visiting the UWV to register for their unemployment benefits.

The things I do for my whiners! Sorry I mean readers.

Stop tourists visiting Amsterdam by using traditional Zwarte Piets

In Amsterdam, the traditional blackface Zwarte Piets are seldom used any more. All those unemployed white folks who previously blacked up during the Sinterklaas season can now have full-time jobs all year round in full black make up with afro wigs. What better way to scare away tourists from Amsterdam than to have Zwarte Piets welcoming foreigners at Airports and train stations? Wat leuk! For the Dutch, perhaps not so nice for tourists.

Tourists scare factor 7/10

two zwarte piets to stop tourists visiting Amsterdam

“and then I said, welcome to Holland!”

Make eating Dutch food mandatory

Tourists should be told that when in Holland they need to eat local food. It should be mandatory that every visitor eats a minimum of two Dutch meals during their stay. That should be enough to put them off ever returning to the Netherlands.

dutch stamppot

Extra points if you can name this dish

The Dutch love stamppot

Tourists scare factor 10/10

Force them to spend 24 hours in Hoofddorp

To be honest with you four hours should be enough, but some people are really stubborn so 24 hours should do the trick.

Visit Hoofddorp

The delights of Hoofddorp


Tourists scare factor 10/10

Force tourists to take a Dutch course

One of the causes of all the whining about tourism in Amsterdam is that many stores and cafes employ people that don’t speak Dutch! Belachelijk! Force ALL tourists to take Dutch lessons before they’re allowed to visit Amsterdam.

Force tourists to learn Dutch

Tourists scare factor 10/10


If the above measures are implemented, I’m sure that the numbers of tourists visiting Amsterdam will be reduced to all-time lows. The Dutch can reclaim Amsterdam for themselves and during the long bouts of unemployment that will follow can bask in the glory of a city full of alleen maar nette mensen. (Only nice people).

Doe maar!

No tourists were hurt during the writing of this post.