Sifan Hassan Wins Bronze Medal For Holland Upsets Bigots
Sifan Hassan recently won the 5,000 meters bronze medal for the Netherlands at the world championships in London. Now usually the victory of a Dutch athlete is cause for celebration back in the Netherlands. In fact, whenever any Dutch sportsperson does well, cries of “break out the bitterballen and the Chernobyl Champagne” can be heard throughout the land. Sadly, not this time. While some have been kind enough to congratulate her on her success, others have chosen not to do so and have even gone as far as to complain about her representing the Netherlands.
Sifan Hassan is toch een Nederlander?
Yes, but no, but yes. Sifan Hassan moved to the Netherlands at the age of fifteen as a refugee from Ethiopia. She now has the Dutch nationality, and rather than conform to the negative stereotypes of asylum seekers claiming social security, she actually works for a living. She represents the country that was kind enough to take her in. Sadly, that isn’t good enough for some people.
The interview was posted on the Facebook page of Dutch national public broadcaster NOS. This led to some interesting reactions.
“Ridiculous that this thing represents the Netherlands. She doesn’t even speak the language properly! Represent the country from which you come, the language which you’re fluent in!! This is nothing to be proud of!!!!!”
“Does she come from the Netherlands? Haha, the only Dutch thing about her is the orange shirt she has on..”
“Now learn Dutch!”
Some Tips For Sifan to be accepted in the Netherlands
Clearly working hard and winning medals isn’t good enough to be accepted by some people in the Netherlands. Therefore I’ve put together some tips to help Sifan Hassan gain more acceptance with the haters on Dutch social media.
1. Buy a horse
Buy a horse. Sit in chic cafes in Amsterdam Zuid and speak in a loud voice about what fun you and your horse have together.
2. Dye your hair blonde
Nothing goes down better with the sports loving Dutch public than blonde women wearing the national colors.
3. Be grateful
At the end of each race make sure that you keep telling the media how grateful you are for being allowed to live in Netherlands. Say this in English, as most of the people hating on you on social media won’t have a clue what you’re saying but will at least be able to understand the Dutch subtitles.
4. Use white face
With black face being completely acceptable in the Netherlands, the locals shouldn’t have any issues with you “whiting up”. It certainly has worked well for another well-known Dutch athlete.
No makeup artists were hurt during the writing of this post
Until next time, keep your chimneys lined with chocolate vla!
Nailed it again!