A day in the life of an NL breakfast TV presenter
Hiiiiii, it’s me again, Miriam, your favourite bekende Nederlander from Morgen van Morgen, MVM. What a Kut dag, (crap day) I’ve had today.
In Laren, I recently spent a fortune of mummy and daddy’s money to have my teeth bleached in a style that we in Het Gooi call California white. Since then, my colleagues have taken to wearing sunglasses whenever they see me, that is niet leuk (not nice). So I called the dentist to ask if he could do something about it and he laughed at me! Well, my Daddy will be calling him, how dare he?
Yesterday evening, football fans smashed up Dam Square. I wanted to go on the scene with my film crew to report on what was going on but Daddy, who you might remember is the Chairman of the media company that produces my show, refused to allow me to go. So instead I was sent to interview some members of our target audience, the over sixties, who have formed their own motorcycle gang. Well when I say motorcycle, I mean scoot mobile (mobility scooter) gang. They ride around together very slowly, annoying cyclists and pedestrians. It was so Leuk, to interview them, they really have fun, but I would have preferred to have been in Dam Square.
This morning, I was sent to do a serious interview with prostitutes in the Red Light district. I have a lot of knowledge about this business as I’ve seen Pretty Woman at least twenty times! I asked one of the ladies (we kept her face hidden for the recording) if she found it nice, to have a job that allows her to lie around all day. I also asked if she’s able to deduct things such as condoms, and cough medicine against tax. She didn’t want to answer that question. When we visited another window and I asked one of her colleagues if she’d ever fallen in love with one of her customers like in Pretty Woman, our overprotective security guard stepped in between us, ended the interview and escorted me back to my Mini. I was happy to leave, I don’t understand how women can allow men to pay them for sex. Yuck!
For lunch, I met the famous producer responsible for the “I have no talent but want to be on television” talent contest franchise. I was honoured to be considered for the job as co-presenter for the next series. Little old me, just a simple Dutch girl from Laren could end up hosting one of the most popular programmes in the Netherlands! It has a huge audience, over 100,000 people watch it. I’m so flattered.
We met at Ciel Bleu, a beautiful 2 Michelin star restaurant in the Okura Hotel. He told me that if I can stop squeaking like a mouse, that perhaps I could have the job! After a fantastic meal, we ended up in his hotel suite and let’s just say, he didn’t object to me squeaking in the bedroom.
After a quick shower, jumped into my mini and drove to my next assignment, an interview with Holland’s most famous DJ Buurman van Armen. The transcript is below.
Miriam “Buurman, it’s so exciting for me to be here with you, you’re amazing!!!”
BVA “Thank you, I agree it is amazing for you to be here with me.”
Miriam “You’ve sold, like 50 million copies of your music”
BVA “fifteen million yes”
Miriam “You’re amazing. I’m so excited.
BVA “Ouch! What is that high pitched noise?
Miriam “Oh Buurman!”
BVA “Is there a mouse in the room?”
Miriam “Oh you’re so funny! But seriously, you DJ at famous clubs all over the world, The Ministry in London, The VIP room in Paris, the Cooldown cafe in Amsterdam, how do you know when one of your songs has finished and the next one begin?”
BVA “What do you mean?”
Miriam “Well, your songs do kind of all sound exactly the same, I was just wondering how you know when to change to the next song. Sorry, you have to leave? Already. Oh Buurman”
Some DJ’s are such prima donna’s. Oh, I’ve received a text message from the producer of “I have no talent but want to be on television” sadly he’s decided to give the job to someone else! I feel so used, how dare he. Wait till I tell Daddy!
No Dj’s who produce annoying repetitive music with the same beat were hurt during the writing of this article.