During the christmas break, in between hangovers and other activities, the shallow man reviewed the messages received from his expat flock during 2013, and came to the conclusion that the number one subject on which he’s constantly asked for advice is dating. This has led to me working on my next book which is the shallow man guide to dating the Dutch. Obviously, being the elegant, amusing (and some would say bloody annoying) fossil that I am, I have considerable experience in dating Dutch women. As the shallow man drives his car only on one side of the road, I have no experience in dating Dutch men. Therefore, I’ve reached out to a number of hot antelope, and have had them share their experiences with me so that I can also provide advice to women, on how to date Dutch men.

For today’s post, once more I’ve solicited the assistance of a young Dutch antelope, Roxy, of the blog Roxy’s Amsterdam Avonturen who will share her experiences of the most common mistakes made by men (Dutch and others) during dates. If as a result, I’m hunted down by an angry posse of Dutch men, and am tied to a chair and have vast amounts of hair gel applied and end up being forced to have a Lion King hairstyle, I’ll shout at my enemies, “opzouten jullie hoerenzonen.”  The things I do for my readers!

I’ll now step out for a glass of Margaux and hand over the page to the lovely, but incredibly selective Roxy.

Dating a Dutch girl, Roxy’s advice

I’m almost 21 years old and have been single for virtually most of my adult life. When I complain about this, I’m often told that I’m still very young, so have plenty of time to meet the right Lion. People also say that I’m too judgemental and I don’t try hard enough to make things work. I, of course, do not agree. I think the number of first dates I’ve been on where I’ve tried my best to make the most of the opportunity, but where the men (often boys) in question have made so many deadly mistakes that even the easiest of girls, who as the shallow man says, would normally spread their legs like margarine on a boterham, would reject them and refuse to have a second date, proves my point.

Either way, I’m noble enough to offer myself up for better first and second (and third and fourth) dates, so guys, please learn from the mistakes often made by your predecessors. I’ve compared notes with a few other women, and below are some of the seven deadly mistakes to avoid, if you hope to get a second date.

Deadly dating mistake number 1

Introducing her to friends, family or colleagues on the first date. This has happened to me several times. One date took me to a party where his entire group of friends were, another invited me to where he worked and introduced me to his colleagues, while another guy invited me to a cafe where his brother just “coincidentally” happened to be there, also having  a date.

Guys, it’s just not to your advantage when your colleagues keep interrupting to advise you to kiss her, or if your brother sits in the same cafe and spends the evening giving your date meaningful glances.

family friends on first date

Meet the family, on the first date!

Deadly dating mistake number 2

Please don’t mention that you’ve researched your date on Facebook. Yes we all do it. Met a hot antelope? Take a quick run through Google, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc, and you know if she’s really worth your time (and it’s just an enjoyable pastime). Chances are that you know more about each other due to social media, but PLEASE, under no circumstances admit to the fact you’ve been on Facebook stalking her. Better yet, pretend you don’t even know her last name, even if you do.

One guy that pretended not to know my surname then started asking me about a job that I absolutely didn’t tell him about, and made jokes that sounded very familiar to me, as they were ones that I’d made – on Twitter.

never mention the ex on a first date

my ex just didn’t understand me

Deadly Mistake number 3

Probably one of the worst mistakes a man can ever make is to compare his date with her friends. “You’re a lot prettier than….”, is quite simply just a terrible, terrible attempt at a compliment. A girl is pretty by herself, and I think that all my girlfriends are gorgeous antelopes. Every one of them is cute, nice, funny and intelligent, so a sukkel that can’t see that is not date worthy. Or in the words of the Spice Girls; “if you wannabe my lover, you gotta get with my friends”!

Deadly Mistake number 4

Don’t talk about your ex. It might sound incredibly logical, but apparently it’s not. I have absolutely no interest in the antelope you were grazing with before me. Not in what made her so nice, or what made her dumb and all of the problems it caused in the relationship. By talking about your ex, you’re also taking a huge risk, as firstly, there’s a chance that the girl you’re on a date with has a lot in common with your ex. Secondly, you are in effect giving the girl you’re on a date with tips over what she should and shouldn’t do for a successful relationship with you, and it’s only the first date!

If a girl wants to know about your ex, she’ll ask, otherwise focus on getting to know the girl you’re with, not wasting time, boring the hell out of your date with tales of the ex.

don't bore

Is it time to go home yet? To avoid this, buy the book!

The Shallow man

Has applied the crack dealer principle to this post. Give some away free and then you have them hooked for life. For the remaining deadly dating mistakes, you’ll have to buy the recently released book, the shallow man guide to dating the Dutch, which is full of dating tips that every Lion and Antelope should have.

A big thanks to Roxy for sharing the advice. My next post will be called dating a Dutch man, the seven deadly mistakes to avoid.

No friends, colleagues or family members were hurt during the writing of this piece.

The tale above is from my new book, The Shallow Man Guide to Dating the Dutch

Dating the Dutch

Dating advice and experiences