How to Date Dutch Women Essential Tips
Having lived here since the time when Geert Wilders had normal hair, the Dutch football team were actually capable of winning football matches and Carice Van Houten wasn’t the only Dutch celebrity, a lot of expats see me as a kind of father figure and come to me for advice in many matters.
Over the years, one particular theme has cropped up repeatedly, how to date Dutch women.
The young expats come to me, with tears in their eyes and say, “Shallow man, we have no problem dating Italians, Germans, French, Russians, Latvians and Polish girls. When absolutely desperate, we even date British girls, but the Dutch? Why are they so difficult?”
Having had some experience in this area, and even though what I’m about to write may be somewhat controversial in some quarters, like John the Baptist, I feel that the truth must be told, and if as a result, my head is served on a plate at FEBO or in a food hall at HEMA then so be it. The things I do for my readers.
Every woman is different, so of course, I will have to generalize. The tips I will provide are just ways of helping to at least get as far as a good conversation, or better still the things that expat men should not say to Dutch women.
Important Tips on How to Date Dutch Women
How to Date Dutch Women? Respect their Religion
To get anywhere with a Dutch woman you have to be able to understand, respect and tolerate their primary religion which is smoking. Dutch women worship smoking above just about anything else. Take a wander through the Pijp or the nine streets on a freezing cold day, when even the Penguins are wearing Burberry scarves, hats and gloves. The only people you’ll see outside the bars on those days will be Dutch women desperately smoking as if cigarettes are about to be prohibited and it’s their last chance to ever smoke again.
To get past the basic niceties of an introduction it will not help if you make comments about smoking being detrimental to their health, or commenting on why they are either in the freezing cold smoking or asking them not to smoke inside a busy bar as there is a smoking ban. If you can hold your tongue, you’ll be on to first base.
Learn to Love Denim If You Intend to Date Dutch Girls
Learn by my past mistakes. Never, even after a glass of champagne or four, make jokes about the tendency of Dutch women to wear jeans morning noon and night, at weddings, funerals, Michelin star restaurants, exhibitions, art galleries, private parties etc. This will get you instantly dismissed from any further conversation. Many Amsterdammers are firm believers in the Dutch philosophy of doe maar normaal. Which translated means, do not dare to display any individuality at all. Be a clone, if the next 50 women are wearing jeans then so should you.
Equality and Dutch women
IK GA PLASSEN
Did you write this all by yourself?
absolutly spot on i am not native Dutch but of African orgin but i could stop laughing how well you have figured out Dutch woman
please make another blog on the strange transformation Dutch woman make after marriage when they cut off their hair and start dressing like men
Could it be inferred from your research that shallow people such as you tend to attract unsophisticated lazy smokers in jeans and unkept hair that have trouble with colloquial English, whereas the more common gorgeous, sophisticated, health conscious, well-dressed ambitious Dutch woman with impeccable language skills prefers in their dating partner a slightly greater display of depths?
Damn!
My secret is out. Well spotted Sherlock.
In all fairness, I have good language skills, but I still need subtitles with some english programmes and movies. When Sherlock rattles of deductions or the 10th or 11th dr start firing of their technobabble, I’ve no idea how y’all keep up. Its not a sign of class or intelligence.
Your article on Dutch men is better, You can derive from this ‘article’ that you have more experience in and/or knowledge about dating men than women. I find this article quite incomplete and inaccurate compared to your article on Dutch men, which is somewhat true, but highly exaggerated and focused on only one ‘type’ of Dutch men, who are apparently interested in you or you feel attracted by them. Still interesting nonetheless to hear your take on (dating) Dutch men and women. May I ask where you are from? That allows me to bring things in a clearer perspective, although frankly people cannot be placed into static boxes in my opinion. Thanks for sharing.
Dear Shallow man,
As the female Dutch partner of an expat from London currently residing in Amsterdam, your blog regularly makes me giggle out of a strange sense of familiarity. I just felt the need to point out that, to make matters even worse than you may expect, some Dutch women equally say “Ik ga plassen”, when really, they are going for a number two, but somehow announcing that, as opposed to announcing one is going for a pee, would cross all borders of modesty.
Dear Shallowman,
I feel incredibly hurt by this blog.
Greetings, a dutch lady
Dutch lady, no need to feel hurt. It’s supposed to be humorous, I’m sure my examples don’t apply to you :))
Machteld, why in the name of Bob Marley do you think that I want to “get” the Dutch mentality. Assuming that there is even such a thing. My writings are based on my own experiences and observations. If you feel that you are able to write in a more original way, please go ahead. Send me the URL and I’ll be happy to read your work and even promote it. As you can see, I publish all feedback that I receive, good or bad. Have a good day 🙂
Dear Shallow Man,
How do you english anounce a bathroom break? Are you shy and just sneak away? What is a polite way to say were you’re going if you are eating (were I really dont want to hear ‘ik ga plassen’) or in a conversation?
I just read both articles on dating dutch men and women, shallow writers seem to display a disturbing lack of originality. It does have some entertainment value but maybe another attempt at “getting” dutch mentality is in order before you try to write about it……
Dude…this was awesome!