Dating a Dutchman? Never Again
This somewhat controversial piece was sent to me by a lady who I’ll call Dutch, Loud and Proud. The Shallow Man recently posted a request asking for contributions from guest bloggers, and amongst the pieces received was this one. Now I’ve been procrastinating about publishing this piece for reasons that will become obvious if you read further.
On behalf of the author, I’ll add a disclaimer that this is entirely based on her own experiences and preferences. The author wishes to remain anonymous, and I intend to respect that request. So without further delay, we’ll move to the post, Why I’ll never do a Dutchmen again.
No Dutchman, no cry
I joined the dating game a few years ago, but I wouldn’t call myself inexperienced. Don’t worry, this will not be one of those graphic novel-type stories. However much I like to kiss and tell, I understand that subtlety is a virtue and that not everybody can appreciate the gore and raunchiness I’d unleash. Instead, I’d like to focus on the caucasian Dutch Male. More specifically, I’d like to present some arguments and examples on why not to date them. Since I’m a thoroughbred Dutch girl, I will do what my people do best. In other words, there will be a lot of generalization going on. I lack nuance just as much as the next Dutch person. So if you lack the ability to put things in perspective, get ready to have your feathers ruffled.
How not to flirt
First, let us be clear on what is implied when I speak of the native Dutchman. Let’s start with the looks. Most Dutch men can be recognized by their gelled back locks, dime a dozen t-shirts, ill-fitted jeans to compliment and to top it all off, a pair of run-down shoes, preferably Converse or the like. So far not too different from any other caucasian male from any given race or culture. What really sets him apart is his demeanour. Unless a Dutchman is comfortable with your presence or he is surrounded by his pack of friends, you can count on him to be very introverted and awkward. The sheeplike gaze that you get any time you try to make eye contact from across the room or on the street comes from the utter astonishment you leave the poor guy in. Such sophisticated flirting is unheard of amongst the Hollanders.
Either the woman walks up to the guy and expresses her sexual interest in him in a rather upfront fashion, or of course, the Dutchman tries to break the ice with his female victim by promptly insulting her. However much you’d like to punch the guy in the face for his rude comment, you most certainly should not.
You see, to a native Dutchman, telling a woman she’d be much prettier if she’d lose 8 lbs and the glasses she’s wearing after having slapped her ass (i.e. being rude) is a way of being direct. As we all know, directness is a virtue, and it should be appreciated as such. Other caucasian men wouldn’t even dare to dream of doing anything like sexually assaulting a woman as a means of flirting with her.
Why I don’t go Dutch
Yes, I despise native Dutch men. Can you tell? I think my dislike for Dutch men started back when I was little. Born and raised in Amsterdam Zuid Oost, I’ve always been exposed to a plethora of different cultures and their heritage. When puberty first hit me, I, of course, had a couple of crushes on Dutch boys, but soon I realized my boobs weren’t big enough, my hair not blonde enough, and my ass was not as flat as they’d prefer it to be, and my opinions were too strong and outspoken. My heart broke into a thousand tiny pieces every time I got rejected by Jan, Willem, Niels or Pieter.
Soon I started dating men of colour. They embraced my looks and loudness. I guess maybe my big and powerful presence reminded them of their mothers in some ways. They like to tell them what’s what, and so did I. After my first boyfriend, more men followed. With every man I dated, the difference between men of colour and Dutch men became clearer.
Of course, it’s like disliking certain vegetables or drinks: you can’t say you don’t enjoy dating the Dutchmen if you haven’t tried. So I did. But unlike cigarettes, dating Dutch men doesn’t get better with everyone you smoke. Their passiveness, presumptuous air, and disdain for women and people of colour infuriate me too much. Whenever you try to pin them down on their close-minded behaviour, they revert back to their 17th-century state of being and start channelling their 4th-grade presentation on Dutch tolerance. When explaining tolerating isn’t the same as accepting, they get pissed, throw out some racial slurs and call you a stupid woman-person whose sole purpose is to pop out babies and shouldn’t hurt her pretty little head over such complicated issues. Consider the argument finalised.
Okay, so that might be a too specific example. Let’s just say I’m stubborn, and so are most Dutchmen. I inevitably end up arguing with them about everything. They’re much like women in that they also like to be right about everything all the time. The problem, however, is that since I’m always right, Dutch men will often get the shit end of that stick, and they don’t like it one bit. So unless a girl is going to be meek, compliant, and doesn’t talk back, they’d rather hit the road.
So I end up dating a man of colour again. They adore the stubbornness, letting me go off instead of trying to curb my ranting and make it into an argument. Somehow they understand that a woman needs to vent. They understand that a woman is a passionate entity that needs the right type of attention and counterweight to flourish as a person and to use her fieriness in a productive way.
It’s a skill these men learned over the years, having their mothers teach them how to be functional and constructive people in a world filled with women. You see, in most foreign households, the mother is seen as the boss. She decides. Whereas in Dutch households, the patriarchy is very much alive and kicking. I guess that’s the main reason I can get with men of colour but refuse to date any more Dutchmen. Why would I opt for an unequal relationship with a Dutchman, where I’d be valued less than the man when I could be treated like a proportionate counterpart? I’ve made my choice, and I’m going to stick with it.
The Shallow Man would like to thank
Dutch, loud and proud for her guest blog piece. After reading that, you can understand why she should remain anonymous. She started the piece by saying that she’d be generalising and certainly did. All views are her own; obviously, her perception is her reality.
Till next time.
Both Dutch men and women are actually hardly bearable lol. Rude, loud, ignorant, always right, having quite a plain humour and lacking empathy. Yuck!
I agree do not agree with you. I also think that your opinion as well as the content of this blog is based on stereotypes, and written by people of color who hate white people, and therefore wants to denigrate everything about European and Dutch culture.
I am an expat, living in The Netherlands, married to a 100% Dutch man (blond, blue eyed, tall, European etiquette), and he liked me at first glance, for me being different, dressed in ladylike clothes, and high heels.He is also the best husband ever, he does not correspond with these false stereotypes created by wicked people. My husband, like many Dutch Caucasian men, is honest, caring, trustworthy and very good to me. These characteristics are very true of Dutch and European (Northern) men are the best husbands for any woman. Anyone who says otherwise is lying, and wanting to advertise against the Dutch.And much more trustworthy than Latinos, Arabs, any kind of colored men. A lot of Dutch man like feminine woman, with nice clothes. It is so wrong to generalise concepts based on stereotypes. This blog always generalises things, which is very wrong, that is why I strongly believe that the content of this blog is toxic, and anti-European values!
Dutch men are not honest nor clean & so very immature. Also cheap af.
I’m totally agree! Dutch guys doesn’t have feelings! They are pretty cold and direct. But sometimes they could be a little bit romantic you just have to push he to do it hahahaa.
Learn English, I hate all expats, ask me anything and you’ll end up with hearing every slur in the book.
The passiveness, the floppy hair, the sloppy dressing, the boorish sense of entitlement. In the words of my half-Dutch female friend : castrated frat boys.
I agree. I had a Dutch boyfriend. I never met any Dutch in my life before so basically I dont have any idea about Dutch or all these so-called stereotypes about Dutchmen so to speak! So I ended up with him ..so yeah..with my experience..yes it was a hell dating or having a Dutch boyfriend. Dutch is boring will prefer sleeping than spending quality or romantic time with their girlfriend. Dutch is cheap!!!…and they are also big liars!!! They can talk to you with straight eye contact but in reality they are telling merely lies. And worst of all…lately in our realtionship.. I suspect that my Dutch boyfriend is GAY!! which I think he is! He is so soft in his actions so feminine like the way his fingers sway by just holding a bottle.. I heard that a majority of Dutch men are gays or pretty hiding in their closets!!! My friends and some of my colleagues did not like the idea that I actually dated a Dutch guy. Eventhough my friends did not tell me exactly they dont but I can sense it from the way they act towards him..(now that I and my Dutch BF broke up which is by the way he just disappered from nowhere. He did not even have the guts to break up to me in at least a decent manner)..I realized now why everyone is telling me NEVER DATE A DUTCH GUY!..boring, cheap, liar, arrogant, rude, narcisstic attitude, closet queen/gay,no sense of romance, no sense if fashion!!!
ahahahahahahahah OMG I’m feeling quite better now, to read this… I had exactly the same situation with a DUTCH horrible boyfriend… e him is exactly like you say! just horrible. a pitty
I have the same experiences, perhaps we could discuss it! I am going crazy with has happened to me….
Such bullshit. And yes im dutch.. No not a men but BS!
well i had a bad experience ,i was married with Dutch guy and i was LIKE dating a Dutch guy but nothing serious 🙁 because he did not want to have a relationship ,well i have 2 Dutch friends they are really nice,sweet, kind and honest guys.
I have been in NL two months, and I do agree with the writer that Dutch men are passive. They don’t seem to know when a woman is interested. It’s pretty deflating.
Try Dutch men from below the rivers ;-).
@soof I lived below the rivers ,Noord-Brabant to be precise and I found them to be a bit cruel while at least to me, blunt, rude and racist, this is coming from a dark skinned East African
hey gal, m from Kenya and i am experiencing this now
What a strange situation. And probably this is why many dutchmen feel attracted to asian and latin women. I am latin and my husband is dutch, a very sweet gentleman, always paying attention to my opinion and needs. And before someone thinks I am the dependable type, let me be clear: I am a professional, doing quite well in my job. I am not dependable on him, but I respect him and we always try to communicate about everything. This is not about dutchmen, is about how you are with them. Some of the guys I know agree that many dutch women are agressive with them, not very feminine, not taking care of what they think. Can be that both, dutch men and women, are doing something wrong, something that lead them to find their SO overseas. Think about it.
What’s wrong with being aggressive and not feminine or caring? You’re echoing exactly the point the author made, “unless a girl is going to be meek, compliant, and doesn’t talk back, they’d rather hit the road.”
haha so you’re lucky my dear, because Im also brazilian with a dutch boyfriend, im a engineer very independent, like many brazilians are. and had an bad lucky to date a dutch man, It was good to appreciate more men from my own country. because brazilians are the best always
I agree that Dutch men are a not the most skilled when it comes to flirting, if you compare to latino’s for example. Dutch men are indeed not very generous with compliments, but the positive side of it is that, in my experience, most Dutch guys are more genuine and honest than latino’s, Italians or French. Because if they give a compliment they mean it and they don’t use smooth talk on everyone girl that passes their eye to try to get her in bed.
Probably the author indeed had experiences with immature Dutch guys when she was younger and she based her opinion on that. And although I certainly don’t share the opinion of John Smith, I do think he has a point that our changing role as a woman and being very independent also has influence on the position and behaviour of the men in society. My opinion: most Dutch guys could be a bit more passionate but they have lots of good sides too, when compared to other nationalities.
Never had this problem. And I have dated ALOT of men, in fact: when they findout I havea brain they tend to be more interested in me (and that’s when I meet them at the club or the bar)! Maybe she’s doing it wrong or maybe she’s loud, but without content?
Funny… I have dated quite some Dutch guys, and also other cultures, and have never come across the problems you had! Maybe you receive what you attract… don’t know. I just don’t think you can generalise people (men) like that, there are rotten apples everywhere, just pick the right ones 🙂 Oh and by the way, I am 100% Dutch, as my name makes it seem I am Eastern European.
I’m just going to grab some popcorn and enjoy the comments section… Fight, my minions, fight!
Dear Nan, Erik and John,
Just so you know, your comments below show the same way of thinking as the one you’re commenting on. You’re all very narrow minded but mostly generalizing and discriminating. If one of you have found a woman and she stuck with you, you’re very lucky she’s tolerating your way of thinking. Keep that in mind..
I am a woman. And i prefer a model of give-give relationship, not give-recieve (the one quite an egoistic anonymous author is advocating).
Very lucky to have a woman? Stop overrating your existence, you just got lucky nature forces men to empty their sacks and that’s why you consider yourself the greatest gift.
It continues to surprise the heck out of me as to why Dutch women haven’t realised yet why the Dutch men have transformed into herbivores – because the reason is really very simple. It’s because you, Dutch women (or more specifically, their mothers), made them that way! The Dutch dating scene you see now is the result of nearly three generations of careful, radical feminist indoctrination, and women are merely reaping what was sown since the 60s.
You may not like the results, but hey, tough noogies. Suck it up, buttercup!
If they wanted Dutch men to be more masculine, then maybe Dutch women should have remained more feminine.
When the women behave like men, one cannot be surprised if the men end up behaving like women: meek, mild and passive.
Dutch women are famed for acting all sweetness and light until they have their men on lockdown, and from that point on they mutate into dragons. I’ve seen it too many times in friends’ relationships. Heaven forbid she gets pregnant – too late, there’s no escape! I quit dating Dutch dragons years ago, and have never looked back.
Here’s a tip for all Dutch men – forget dating your women. They may look reasonably pretty on the outside, but the insides of their heads most certainly are not. As Shallow Man has previously documented, Dutch women are shameless copycats. They mimic each other’s hairstyles, modes of dress, and banal ways of thinking and acting. Ray-Bans, Uggs, faded/torn jeans, and wet hair when leaving the house – whatever is in fashion at that moment, Dutch women are guilty of all these travesties, and more. Of course, female uniformity and conformity is not only a Dutch trait – women everywhere are guilty of it, to a greater or lesser degree. But the Dutch have it down to a fine art.
Dutch men would be well advised to look to the east for women that are just as attractive, if not more so, but that actually care for their men. Eastern European women actually like to (SHOCK! HORROR!) cook for their men, wash their clothes, or buy them gifts, they often give massages on request, and they don’t see it as demeaning or degrading, or an attack on their femininity. Quite the opposite, in fact. Get yourself a good one and you’ll never go Dutch again.
Don’t worry though, the welfare state is beginning its inevitable collapse under its own weight in all European nations, all the signs are there, we must merely be patient. Tax revenues are down, way down, and there won’t be much left for the “gibs me dat” crowd after the EU technocrats have had their fill. Once that day arrives, haughty and entitled ice queens everywhere will again realise that, in order to achieve their life goals, they will need a good man, with his superior providing skills. Because the state won’t suffice as a surrogate husband when the uitkering handouts don’t flow as freely as candy during a Sinterklaas parade.
“Eastern European women actually like to (SHOCK! HORROR!) cook for their men, wash their clothes, or buy them gifts, they often give massages on request”
I, personally, don’t like to do anything on request, but that just might be me. Not all Eastern European women are cleaning ladies, you see. You are partially right, I do like to cook, do the laundry or give massages, but I accept the same from my man and Dutch guys have no problem with it whatsoever.
An Eastern European woman
Funny you mentioned the massages. I do this frequently tomy husband, and I normally get paid back. Is about caring and loving, has nothing to do with loosing dignity (how women can be so confused?) If you love your man, let him know, respect him: is very easy to do that.
For your information, Dutch women are not specially feminists. Most of them stay at home or do part time jobs, which surprised me because I thought the country was more modern than that. I respect the decision of being housewife, but there is some social pressure here which I do not like, since not having your own money leaves a woman in a very vulnerable situation.
And about Dutch men, I find them funny and cute in their rude and stiff ways. They can also be very sweet. Latins may know better how to flirt, but Dutchies have their own charm and look more reliable to me. Maybe it is because you can trust that they will speak their minds. I also have a couple of friends that are dating a Dutch and they are happy about how considerate they are. In fact I am thinking that I should get myself a Dutchie. 🙂
People do not “look” reliable” Elena. looks has nothing to do when you talk about values. And it is true, people have their own ways.
Wich doesnt means they are more or less reliable or selfish (not caring)!
You got these observations down to a tee. Was laughing all throughout. I am married to a wonderful Dutch man and this is exactly what he’s saying about the Dutch women (in general, of course. His mom and sister are the exceptions 😉 But really, they are incredibly sweet, thoughtful, soft and intelligent, which is luckily a far cry from the average Dutch woman I see on the street). They also think a lot of the “normaal” Dutch women are unfriendly and arrogant. I have lived here only two years and observed that: 1) it’s almost as if the Dutch women are wearing a uniform: the way they style their hair, their clothing. their posture, their demeanor are creepily the same; and 2) they are so afraid to stand out and almost always say the most predictable and “normaalst” things, as if deeply afraid to say something edgy in fear of being judged or set apart from the pack. It makes it very boring to talk to them almost. And an extra helping of bossiness to boot like they want to dominate / hoard everything – the conversation, the floor space, even the oxygen. Luckily I’m tall for an Asian. But that’s the 80% probably.
This is so fucking true. I have the same experience.
I am with a latina.. The difference is humongous. Never back to Dutch Dragon women. Bunch of entitled arrogant know-alls that actually have never handled something other than their office jobs. Atleast women from other countries do not pretend to know everything.
People like this is why I don’t date Dutch women; loud, obnoxious, arrogant and shallow. And she probably doesn’t even realize how racist she is.
Reading between the lines you can also tell she’s fat, and she’s bitter about being rejected a lot by native dutch men ;). That slapping on the ass part makes no sense at all btw.
I think the post should be called “Why I’ll never do a Dutch boy again”. It’s not men she came across, but rather recently out of puberty lost and confused children. And I talk from my own experience when I say that the pool of dutch men is, to everyone’s relief, a lot more varied than the individuals this girl came across. Dutch, loud and proud, maybe you should change area of research, try some new bars or even new cities.
God, this woman is monstrous, no wonder she can’t find a dutch guy. Rude, loud and of course like all the annoying dutch women is not prepared to bend a little, but choses that a man changes for her. Relationships don’t work that way. This article has once again proven why you should never date dutch girls in your right state of mind.