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The Twenty Types of Dating Apps Users in Amsterdam

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Dating Apps Users in Amsterdam the Top 20

Greetings my dear readers, I recently republished a rather controversial guest blog post called, ‘Living in Amsterdam is Killing the Woman in me’. As well as a heated discussion on the Shallow Man Facebook page, it led to this response.

The Expat Single Lady

Hoi! Ok, so I’m a single woman living in Amsterdam.  I am amazed that the theme of being single in Amsterdam wasn’t mentioned at all in the post. Probably she is not. But being single in Amsterdam is actually killing the woman in me. Thanks to all the apps like Tinder, Bumble, Happn, etc. women are treated like they are crazy just because wanting to have a relationship (how dare we?) and we are mostly seen as a piece of meat in the marketplace because it is easier to have sex thanks to the apps.

So as an example: I start talking to a guy that seems interesting and different from the rest, talk for hours for a week, meet, and he is expecting me to end up in bed that night with him. If I don’t, that is when the Tikkie comes in function. But even if I do spend the night with him: he ghosts me. I will never hear from him again. Nowadays there is a silent rule that forbids people to feel… that is what is killing the woman in me.

A date leaving my apartment after I’ve given him what he wants

 

Men on dating apps

The guys I’ve met on dating apps are like the NS Wifi in de trein, unreliable! I mean, what is wrong with wanting to meet a guy and hoping that it will lead to an actual relationship? A lot of guys on dating apps appear to believe that a match with a woman is the equivalent of ordering something to eat on Deliveroo. They expect their goods to arrive quickly, hot and ready to be consumed!

A brief history of online dating

The thing is that strange as it might sound to people under the age of 25, there was a time when people used to meet randomly, mostly through friends.  Although there were many situations where people were drunk (bars, parties, festivals, birthdays, etc). The fact is though, that before the age of the walking smartphone zombie, there was such a thing as eye contact and flirting. (If you’re Dutch Google that term). Online dating is now the second most common way to meet (meeting through friends is still #1).

from caveman to smartphone
Modern men

 

One dating app to rule them all

 

Tinder became very famous in the Netherlands when it was launched and it became the most popular dating app.   With the way Tinder works, it has changed the rules and expectations that people have of online dating.   You can find all type of people and it can (and in my case has) lead to many different awkward situations.

After Tinder there have been other online dating apps:

  • Lexa which is mostly for Dutch people.
  • Parship (If you would like to date seriously, mostly for Dutch people or people that speak Dutch)
  • Elite Dating (if you would like to find a long-term relationship)
  • Happn (this app shows you singles (or people who claim to be) that are close to you, in a sneaker store, in a metro station, in a supermarket, etc.).
  • Inner Circle (to enter, your photos need to be checked and it is said that the best-looking people are there because it is a very selective group)
  • Bumble (location-based, social and dating application).

The twenty types of dating apps users

Based on my experiences using various dating apps, I can tell you that ultimately, people fall into the following categories:

1. The Romantics

These are the people that still believe in love, online or not.   They still believe there is someone special somewhere for them and they try hard to find that person in all kind of situations.

romantic couple illustration
You’re not going to send me a Tikkie for these right?

2. The Butchers

These are the people that are only looking for a piece of meat that they can have for their personal satisfaction.  They are not interested in names, cultures or chit chat.  They are very practical:   Find, meet, eat, gone.

Dating apps attract zombies
What a lekkerwijf, let’s meat. I mean meet.

3. De Nep (The Fakes)

These are the people that hide in a fake profile.  The reason for this is that they can be married, they are looking for nudes, they are very shy, or they are from a culture that is not popular in online dating or they are just simply getting away from their boring lives by doing something exciting.

4. The Psychologist Seekers

These are people that use online dating to find someone who will psychoanalyze their lives and tell them what is wrong with them.  They are not looking for meeting in person, they just need to chat.  Normally they are very lonely people.

5. The Depressed

These are people that use online dating to get out of depression.  Most of them are just out of a long relationship, an abusive partner, are widows or just lost a loved one.  You need to be patient with them because they could end up crying with you if you show some pity.

6. The Tourist

These are tourists that are in town for a couple of days and think that in the dating apps they can find a tour guide and a one night stand.

7. The Fantasy seekers

These are the people that want to find a person or persons that can make their sexual fantasies true.   They are only looking for their own pleasure and satisfaction.  They think that the person they like has the duty to please them and fulfil their fantasy.  Here are also people that want to have only virtual sex. They are most likely married or in a relationship men/women that will never leave their partner, but they are bored.  They are also looking for nudes.

8. The Married

They tell you upfront that they are married or in a relationship, but they are looking for “a friend”.  They do not make any promises, they are just up for fun.

9. The Perfect Parents

They put profile pictures with their kids, and they promote their kids as if it is part of dating with them.  They put the ages of their kids in case you are interested to know.  They also tell you if their kids are living with them or with the ex.

10. Animal Lovers

They have their profile pictures with animals, it can be their own pets (cats, dogs, birds, etc.) or it can be with animals they love (cows, horses, lamas, etc.).  You definitely have to love animals if you would like to date them.

11. The Healthy and Spiritual Bunch:

They promote themselves as a yoga teacher, vegan, vegetarian, on their way to Nirvana, retreat lover, peacemaker, Buddha believer, In God, we trust, truth seeker, etc.    You need to be also looking or practising the same as them, otherwise, they will try to convert or convince you.

12. The Wannabe Parents

They are on dating sites looking for somebody to get them pregnant or giving them a kid, they can be men or women, and they are not shy to tell you what they are looking for on the first date or even before dating.  You can see that they are obsessed with it.

13. Culture Thieves

These are guys from countries that due to the overwhelming tolerance in the Netherlands receive a lot of rejections on dating apps here.   Rather than just accepting that they’ll have to deal with more (unfair) rejections, instead, they pretend that they’re Italian, American or even Dutch. They even adopt some language phrases and talk about those places as if they were born there with so many details that you end up believing them.

It’s a bit of a shock when you’re expecting a lion king haired blue suit-wearing Dutch guy from Hilversum and it turns out to be a guy who actually just moved here from Islamabad.  It’s not the race that’s the issue, it’s the deceit used to pretend to be something else. Even using a painting or ‘artistically manipulated’ photo in their profile. This happened to me three times! Obviously, there were no second dates.

 

14. The Nostalgia Lover

They post photos of themselves from 20 years ago, chat with you, and they think they can get away with it when you meet them in person and you realize that they are older or fatter.

older man young woman
He’s a little older than his profile photo, but where there’s a will there’s a way.

15. The ONS

The One Night Stand (ONS) seekers are the largest population on the dating apps.  Some of them promote themselves as ONS haters.  They try to make you believe that they are looking for a longer relationship in order to get you in bed the first night you meet with them and then you will never see them again.  Beware:  They can ask you to pay back that wine, beer or Netflix night via Tikkie if you do not give them what they want.

Dutch Dating Flowchart

 

16: The Duck Faces

They normally pose with a duck face, fake suntan, showing muscles, posing in bikinis, showing the most recent sunglasses fashion, the most amazing expensive yacht or vacation.   Of course, expect to pay the most expensive drinks or to be taken to the most expensive bar.  But most likely they will ask to split the bill.

 

17. The Problematic Weenie

Small, not working, nervous, smelly, precocious, culturally blocked, drugged up, drunk, etc. These weenies can fit in any category but they deserve a whole category for themselves.  They normally blame women for their unfortunate encounters/problems.  It could be you or their ex.  Also, they might have a mother complex.

18. The Fitness God/Goddess

Photos about muscles, exercises, diets, sports, sweat, running, water drinking, sporty clothes, marathons, etc.  These people will show you how beautiful their bodies are because they are obsessed with it. But hold on to your horses:  Probably you will never have a date with that person as they’re too in love with themselves.

19. The Promoters

They say they are on Tinder only to promote their company which can be of any kind.  But when you match with them (obviously because you are interested in their services) they start to flirt with you.

20. The Obsessed

These are people that in the beginning, they showed themselves as sweet, interesting and nice but over time they obsess as you are not reacting as in love or interested in them as they are in you.   They then proceed to text you constantly, call you, show up at your place unannounced, chase you online with fake profiles.   These are a dangerous bunch.  Unfortunately, there is not so much you can do about it because if you go to the police, they cannot do anything to them till they do something physically to you. So relax. If your stalker kills you, the police will be happy to investigate the crime.

 

So whatever you are looking for in online dating, for sure, you will find it.  But you need to be really patient as is not going to be easy.

No single people were hurt during the writing of this post.

With special thanks to our guest blogger, Silvia Titus.

 

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About Simon Woolcot

Infamous blogger, annoyance and self-confessed Shallow Man. Simon is a British expat who has lived in Amsterdam since 2004. As well as writing this blog, Simon also has a YouTube channel of the same name, writes and directs videos and hosts seminars about life in the Netherlands. He also works as a content marketing and SEO specialist.