Another place to meet singles in Amsterdam

Whenever the Shallow Man sees a young Dutch Amsterdammer participating on reality shows and claiming that they can’t find a partner,  I know that this simply can’t be true. There are more single people in Amsterdam than badly dressed women with suspect hairstyles at the huishoudbeurs. Which brings me to the subject of today’s post. Singles in Amsterdam and where to find them.

Horsing around

Picture a bar, on a Friday night, somewhere in the Pijp. It’s smaller than the tolerance of a PVV voter. Hotter than the temper of a Dutchman told to leave a tip of 20% in a New York restaurant. (True story, he wasn’t pleased).  The bar is so full that if your clothes are creased, the sheer pressure of so many people packed in like sardines in a tin will iron them out. It’s hot, it’s loud. The Shallow Man is feeling dizzy, as if there’s no oxygen in the place, then I turn round and see a couple kissing so passionately that I hope he’s wearing a condom. No wonder there’s no oxygen left, they’ve taken it all, yes, I’m in het paardje!  What a place! I’m sure there are plenty of women who’ve been shocked to find out that they’re pregnant, then they think back and say “tuurlijk, ik ben in het paardje geweest!” (Of course I was in het paardje)

The place is close to the Albert Cuyp, where they sell meat, in het paardje there is meat to meet to snog and eat. (Trying saying that three times quickly). It’s the place to be for singles, and tremendous fun. Enjoy. Unlike the average horse, you won’t leave there with a long face.

By Thomas R Machnitzki ( (Own work)

Amsterdam’s famous meat market


Het Paardje when the sun is shining

Whenever the sun comes out, getting a seat on the terrace outside het paardje is like watching a quality tv show on RTL, highly unlikely. The terrace is packed full of a fascinating collection of people. Makelaars discussing the latest stupid expats who’ve paid way too much rent for a rundown, mouse filled shoe box. Posh Dutch women discussing their latest hockey match in excruciating, time starting to stand still, slow motion, get me the bloody hell out of here detail. Young guys whose mummies and daddies give them far too much money, who make a big performance of displaying the keys to their Audi’s, BMW’s or Range Rovers, and loudly talk about what they’ve recently bought (with daddies money). You can also spot C and D list “celebrities” from slechte tijden, slechte tijden learning how to read while eating non-descript tasting food.

The food, yes they serve food, it’s really not worth mentioning. The staff do their best, in a kind of incompetent but friendly way. The service takes so long that I’ve seen children growing into young adults while waiting for my order to arrive, but it’s one of the sunniest spots in that part of Amsterdam, my advice is to drink and under no circumstances eat there.

No incompetent waiters or waitresses were hurt during the writing of this post.