New Year’s Eve in the Netherlands A Time For Heroes

Meet Jan-Willem. He works for a Dutch bank in the blue suit capital of the world, Amsterdam Zuidas. He’s a lovely chap. He’s good to animals, gives money to charity, goes on dates with expat ladies and never sends a Tikkie. He even thinks that it’s ok to change the appearance of Zwarte Piet so that all kids can enjoy Sinterklaas. He’s an all-round nice guy. But as New Year’s Eve in the Netherlands approaches, something happens to Jan-Willem. Our mild-mannered banker transforms into a new kind of hero, Super Aso.

On new year's eve in the Netherlands people turn into super asos

He drives abroad and spends thousands of Euros on illegal fireworks. Of course, having spent so much money he can’t wait until New Year’s Eve to set them off, so in his neighbourhood, in Amsterdam, he starts setting off mini-explosions weeks before December 31st.  But it’s ok, after all, it’s just a harmless traditie! Having blown up a metal bin or two on NYE our hero goes full super asociaal. From 8 am he’s outside with other superheroes, a sort of Dutch Avengers ensemble who instead of saving the universe are committed to destroying it with as many explosions as possible.

group of people on white background,

The Dutch Firework Avengers. Their primary superpower is stupidity!

NYE Anarchy 2019-2020

Jan-Willem and his fellow superheroes are responsible for some of the following:

A record number of emergency cases on NYE in Rotterdam Eye Hospital

A specialist eye hospital in Rotterdam reported a 50% increase in the number of people needing treatment after 11.30 PM on NYE. They called it a ‘night of horror’.

A father and son died from smoke inhalation in a lift in an apartment building

A father and his four-year-old son died after they were trapped in a lift that was filled with smoke after two teenagers set off fireworks inside an apartment building.

Firemen and police attacked with fireworks while trying to do their jobs

In Vianen, Utrecht, De Bilt, Zeist, Rotterdam, Zwijndrecht, Alkmaar and Ede Firemen and Police were attacked with fireworks.

20 cars and scooters set on fire during NYE night in Amsterdam

Throughout Amsterdam cars, scooters and underground rubbish containers were set on fire.

NYE and the right to be a super aso

New Year’s Eve in the Netherlands gives Jan-Willem and of super asociaal ‘heroes’ the right to go around blowing shit up. It’s a traditie! They have an absolute right to do what the hell they like, especially as the current Dutch government is simply too afraid to upset lots of potential voters by introducing a ban on fireworks.

In 2019 Amsterdam city council declared all parks firework free zones. This was of course ignored. As I walked by my local park on New Year’s Eve in the morning it already looked like a scene from Apocalypse Now as clouds of smoke drifted into the sky and loud explosions could be seen and heard.

It appears that right to behave like an anti-social moron with fireworks is far more important than silly things like preventing arson, not scaring the hell out of animals and protecting the environment.

In future, I’ll be spending my NYE’s outside of the Netherlands and will leave Jan-Willem and his fellow superheroes in peace to burn down the country. Doe maar lobotomized!

marked safe from fireworks

flying superhero

The world is on fire. My work here is done!



No anti-social morons were hurt during the writing of this post. Happy New Year!