Thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array. And by the seventh day, God had finished the work he had been doing; so on that day, he rested. And on the eighth day, he created the Dutch….

Stuff Dutch people hate pandemic special

The Dutch! They’re so special. If you tell a Dutch person to stay away from the edge of a cliff or they’ll fall off. They’ll look at you with malice and contempt and will say, “WAT ZEGT JE?” And will jump into the abyss. Yes, they might die, but that’s not the point! “Don’t tell me what to do flapdrol!” Why do you think that the Netherlands is one of the only countries in Europe that doesn’t make the wearing of crash helmets mandatory for cyclists? A Dutch person would rather have their brains scattered across the road like discarded scrambled eggs than have to wear a crash helmet. “I’m Dutch, you can’t tell me what to do, I know better!” Which brings me to the subject of today’s post.

1. Personal Space

When the Coronavirus rules were announced earlier this year including social distancing, I knew that in the Netherlands it would never work. Personal space is a concept that doesn’t exist here. I’m sure the only reason that a famous chain of clothes stores opened in the Netherlands was because it’s well known that if you show a Dutch person a gap, they’ll squeeze into it. 😉

2. Washing their hands

Around 2009 or 2010 I met the woman of my dreams in a bar in Amsterdam. Yes, she was Dutch and wearing denim and sneakers, but it didn’t matter to me, after 20 minutes of being interrogated by her about who I was, where I was from, what I was doing in the Netherlands and when I was going back to the UK I was in love. Well in lust but sometimes they can be the same thing. So anyway off she went to the toilet and so did I. The area where you could wash your hands was shared between the men and women’s toilets and this stunning lady walked right past without washing her hands! And that was the end of us.

I’ve seen this occur many times in offices, in bars and restaurants that people will go to the toilet and act as if taps and washbasins are invisible. They’re just not there. Why do you think that before the first lockdown in the Netherlands that handsoap sold out everywhere? Because a significant number of Nederlanders didn’t have such products at home. “Handzeep? Wat is dat?”

My reaction when I heard that washing hands prevents the spread of the coronavirus.

via GIPHY

3. Wearing Facemasks

This is largely due to Mark Rutte playing Pontius Pilate the Roman governor who allowed the people to choose if they wanted Jesus put to death or not. He literally washed his hands of any responsibility. Mark Rutte has been as indecisive on the subject of face masks as a Dutch woman at a sale in a sneaker store trying to decide which shade of white to choose for her lekker tof footwear.

The subject of facemasks is one of those things (like criticism of Zwarte Piet) that makes Dutch blood boil! They hate the bloody things. The fact that they are pretty much mandatory in many countries in Europe is irrelevant. The Dutch know better. In fact, the RIVM knows better. But finally, now that the number of people being infected with the coronavirus in the Netherlands is going through the roof, the government has decided to make the wearing of facemasks inside all public places mandatory. No doubt a combination of Bill Gates, 5G and George Soros will be blamed. And while we’re at it let’s throw in the Kick Out Zwarte Piet group and Black Lives Matter. It’s a conspiracy, to save lives! Disgraceful!

How Corona arrived in the Netherlands

4. Not being able to party (Covidiots)

While I have sympathy for nightclub and bar owners it’s a fact that a lot of people crammed together, singing, dancing and shouting will spread the coronavirus. There’s no getting away from that. But oh the whining of the privileged. The right to not dress up for a night out, pop some XTC and spend the night dancing is far more important than the health of friends and family. Here’s a helpful graphic that explains the mindset of people desperate to go dancing.

5. Lockdowns

All sensible people hate living through lockdowns. The latest emergency rules from the Dutch government include the closing of all bars and restaurants. So to all the covidiots out there all I can say is goed gedaan! Here’s a complete list of the partial lockdown rules in English. If you hate lockdowns, don’t behave like a covidiot and cause the problems that make lockdowns necessary. That should be easy for people to understand but obviously not!

On the positive side..

It’s not all doom and gloom though. Here are some positives of the latest lockdown

  • If you’re dating a Dutch person, it’s not possible to have a Dutch circle party of death with only three people
  • Think of all the posts you’ll see on social media of bread people have baked themselves
  • If you’re working from home you don’t have to dress up for work (Unless your Dutch then you can wear the same denim based outfit at home that you wear to work anyway)
  • You’ll be home to receive your packages from PostNL, no more hassling perfect strangers to pick up your parcels
  • There’s no need to shower if you’re working from home. (Business as usual for some people)

Neither Bill Gates nor George Soros were hurt during the writing of this post.

Until next time, wear a bloody face mask and keep your distance.