• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • HOME
  • Amsterdam
    • Bar and Restaurant Reviews
    • Learn Dutch
    • Dentists In Amsterdam
    • Privacy Policy
  • Contact the Shallow Man
  • Dating
  • Recommended Sites and Services For Expats
    • The Easiest Way to Find A Good Cleaner
  • The Netherlands
    • Dutch Tolerance
    • Dutch Television
    • Fashion
    • Healthcare in the Netherlands
    • Property in the Netherlands
    • Zwarte Piet
The Amsterdam Confessions of a Shallow Man

The Amsterdam Confessions of a Shallow Man

Life in the Netherlands Through the Eyes of a Sarcastic Expat

People who are definitely not to blame for the latest lockdown in the Netherlands

By Simon Woolcot 5 Comments

1.3k
SHARES
ShareWhatsappPinterestLinkedinTweet
RedditMail

It’s groundhog day in the Netherlands again. Having tried to reduce the number of coronavirus infections using so-called ‘intelligent lockdowns’. The Dutch government has announced new coronavirus lockdown measures that will last until Jan 19 2021.

  • All schools close from today
  • Contact services such as hairdressing and massages to be forbidden.
  • All non-essential shops to be closed (Yes that includes the sale of sneakers and leopard print)
  • Places of worship will remain open so that people can pray for a reduction in the infection rates
  • Dentists and physios will remain open
  • Gyms will close
  • Nurseries and BSO’s will only remain open for kids whose parents do essential jobs (police, nurses, fireman, oliebollen sellers etc)

Being calm and rational. Dutch people immediately started panic buying as soon as information about the lockdown was leaked to the media.

seriously?#MerryChristmas #Albert_Hijn #LockdownNL pic.twitter.com/DrHNKtdyxb

— poomii (@poomii19) December 14, 2020
Ik ben geen covidiot, maarrrrrrr

Now before people start pointing fingers, I’ve decided to put together a list of people who are definitely NOT to blame for the latest lockdown in the Netherlands. Neeeeee!

1. Black Friday Shoppers

Expecting the Dutch to put safety ahead of the primal call of the ‘korting’ is simply too much. There was no way in hell that the average Dutch person was going to stay home when electrical goods and clothing were on sale at a discount! Just as grizzly bears are unable to resist one of natures greatest events, the salmon run, the Dutch will walk through fire in order to get to a store with a korting!

During Black Friday the shopping centers of Rotterdam, the Hague and Amsterdam were overrun with eager bargain shoppers. In fact, some of the shopping areas had to be closed down by the authorities due to dangerous overcrowding. Now some people might blame those who ventured out on that day on the hunt for bargains for spreading the coronavirus, but I tell you that the increase in infections a couple of weeks after Black Friday is purely coincidental!

shop window with korting
The call of the wild for the Dutch. The keyword that will get them into the shops regardless of a pandemic. ‘KORTING’

2. People that refuse to wear facemasks in shops

I was in my local bakery recently, looking to buy some delicious Dutch bread that goes dry and tasteless the minute you leave the shop. Lekker!. So while admiring the UGG boots worn by a fellow bread connoisseur. I was a little taken aback by a man who walked in without wearing a mask. When the lady behind the counter politely asked him to put on his mondkapje he replied “moet dat?” Which is indeed a reasonable question. After all, even though we’re weeks into a lockdown in the Netherlands and the number of coronavirus infections remains stubbornly high. Philosophically the existentialists would agree that his question was indeed profound. “Moet dat?”

“What’s with the facemasks? Moet dat?”

3. People hosting parties at home

I interviewed a young Dutchman who to protect his identity I’ll call him Bas van Rijke Ouders.


“What on earth are people expected to do? All of the kut clubs and bars are closed. There’s nowhere open where you can spend the night staring and staring at women and not say a word to them, in the hope that they’ll hunt you down like piranha fish in a feeding frenzy. Nowadays we have to use Tinder, and you have to have lots of conversations and pretend to be interested in their sneaker collection. Echt kut man! On the plus side as everything is closed at least you can suggest going to a woman’s home on the first date without being shouted at or blocked. Ha, ha, ha!

That we can’t party is a scandal! Corona only affects old people anyway. Don’t believe the so-called statistics, the Dutch government and Bill Gates just want to control the young, because they’re afraid! So what if we host a party for 20 friends in a 30 m2 studio apartment, well that’s our business. There’s no proof that our holding parties spread corona. I’ll tell you what spreads it, it’s fear! Fear of corona spreads corona. Echt!”

via GIPHY

Mieke, Lieke, Lotte and Maaike missed going to clubs and festivals and had to settle with hunting at illegal parties

4. Β People who take their masks off on public transport

It’s mandatory to wear face masks on public transport in the Netherlands. This draconian and oppressive piece of legislation fails to take into account several important and common behaviours of Dutch commuters.

  • The need to pick ones nose while travelling
  • The important discreet phone call that has to be made. “JA ANOUK, IK HEB DE CONDOMS EN GLIJMIDDEL!”
  • The irresistible urge to consume smelly deep-fried snacks and stink out the train carriage for your fellow passengers
  • Wanting to play tongue hockey with your travelling companion

I am indeed nostalgic for some of the pre-kut facemask behaviours that were common when travelling on public transport in the Netherlands.

Remember this:.

no one has been infected by corona from eating a sausage roll on an NS train

An amateur virologist 2020

5. Parents who do the school run

Parents who do the school run can indeed be terrifying.

  • Tearing around corners at high speeds with their bakfietsen.
  • Double parking their Teslas and SUVs and blocking the road in front of school

It’s only natural that upon dropping their little Jan’s and Mieke’s off at school that they’re going to stand around discussing the finer points of how their kids are not badly behaved brats but in fact must be in fact ‘on the spectrum’. That they choose to huddle together like a group of penguins and jak, jak, jak, incessantly, without wearing masks is OK!. They’re outside, in the open air. Anyway, it’s all a bit overblown this corona stuff. Doe normaal! The fact that the only parent standing by the playground wearing a mondkapje is a kut expat says it all!

6. The Dutch Government

The fact that they took the so called Bob Marley approach to pandemic management. “Everything’s gonna be alright, yes, everything gonna be alright now”. Is not the reason why the strategy failed so abysmally. Nee hoor! As I’ve said before, the Dutch are the most stubborn people IN THE WORLD! You cannot tell the Dutch what to do. In fact, the best thing that Mark Rutte could have done was to tell the Dutch, not to wear face masks. To ignore social distancing rules and to cram as many people into their homes as possible. I guarantee that the Dutch would have then done the opposite and we wouldn’t be at almost 10,000 infections a day in a country of 17 million people. Bear in mind that Germany has over 80 million people and 20,000 infections a day. It’s stunning that Mark Rutte clearly doesn’t understand his own people and how bloody stubborn they are.

The Dutch response to coronavirus rules
“IK HOOR JE NIET!”

No penguins were hurt during the writing of this post.

Until next time. “Moet dat?”

1.3k
SHARES
ShareWhatsappPinterestLinkedinTweet
RedditMail

Filed Under: The Netherlands Tagged With: coronavirus, lockdownnl

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Debra Campbell says

    December 19, 2020 at 6:57 pm

    Can they be amy more stubborn and complacent than some of the residents of the United States? That would be hard to do because most of the country has a rebellious attitude “not going to wear a mask no matter what”. Or, ” Ok I’ll wear one but I’ll pull it off or wear it around my neck as soon as I get in. Or I will at least completely uncover my nose. ” “Because you know, it’s all a big hoax anyway” says the most redneck of the residents. Yes, I get really tired of wearing a mask and gloves if I HAVE to go out only for essentials. Tired of wiping everything down before bringing it in the house. But it has to be done now. I wish they would get stricter here about following the protocols.

    Reply
    • Last of the Hapsburgs says

      December 31, 2020 at 5:00 pm

      It doesn’t really matter if they’re more or less stubborn or complacent than Americans, because he’s writing about the Netherlands. I hope you’re able to stay safe and healthy, it’s terrible when you feel so under threat and disrespected because of others’ behaviour.

      Reply
  2. Alfa Nuga says

    December 18, 2020 at 6:30 pm

    Finally someone says this. I am not the only feeling and thinking strongly about the whole situation. It shouldn’t be this bad if a clear unambiguous guideline with reasonable consequence is being made and enforced. It shouldn’t be this bad if people would slightly compromise their excessive freedom for just a temporary period of time for the collective benefit. Why is it so difficult to follow rules and not find a loophole or crappy excuses (to make a kringverjaardag)? Oh well, who am I but another kut expat.

    Reply
  3. Jo Lunde says

    December 16, 2020 at 7:29 am

    Another great read, thanks again β˜ΊοΈπŸ€—

    Reply
  4. Jasb says

    December 15, 2020 at 11:36 am

    This should be put all over The Netherlands! This is exactly why and how we are finally in strict lockdown, all of us : the ones who have always respected themselves and others knowing the rules were made for their own sake and ….all the others ones you describe so well…Thanks Shallowman, you should be recognised as being of public utility….

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Primary Sidebar

More to See

Five differences between Dutch and British girls

June 15, 2015 By Simon Woolcot

Dating Dutch women

5 Differences Between Dutch and American Girls

August 10, 2014 By Simon Woolcot

Dutch tightness

Dating a Dutch Man, Seven Deadly Mistakes to Avoid

January 16, 2014 By Simon Woolcot

Bitterballen popular Dutch deep fried snack

Essential Tips on How to Date Dutch Men

September 21, 2013 By Simon Woolcot

angry Dutch shooting tourists on bikes in Amsterdam

Stuff Dutch people hate

August 26, 2014 By Simon Woolcot

They are not black, they have been through a Chimney

September 24, 2013 By Simon Woolcot

political correctness and the Dutch

Dutch Tolerance Political Correctness and Racism in the Netherlands

May 31, 2016 By Simon Woolcot

Archives

Tags

amsterdam amsterdam cyclists blackface black pete brexit coronavirus Cycling in Amsterdam cycling in the Netherlands dating advice Dating dutch girls Dating Dutch men dating dutch women discrimination in dutch society discrimination in the dutch jobs market doe maar gewoon Dutch culture dutch fashion dutch normen en waarden dutch service dutch society dutch stereotypes dutch tolerance dutch tolerantie Dutch TV expat dating tips expat life in Amsterdam expat life in the netherlands expats in Amsterdam expats in the netherlands Koentact learn Dutch learn Dutch with the shallow man life in the netherlands mice netherlands pvv Racism renting in amsterdam renting or buying in the Netherlands? Sinterklaas sinterklaas zwarte piet the butcher tinder dating working in the Netherlands zwarte piet

Copyright © 2021 Simon Woolcot Amsterdam Shallow Man ​

SEO Services and Site Design
​ SEO Help Amsterdam ​

Close
Do you want to read more similar stories?

if you like our Facebook fanpage, you can read everyday such amazing stories.


Do you already like us on Facebook?
Do not ask me again for Facebook

Continue to the article »
1.3k
SHARES
FacebookTwitterGoogleWhatsappPinterestDiggLinkedinRedditMailTelegram