How to date Dutch women on New Years Eve? It’s the happiest time of year. If you happen to be the owner of a second rate club or bar, then you can charge an ever willing, naive and gullible public, outrageous amounts of money for a NEW YEARS EVE PARTY TO END ALL PARTIES. Huge amounts of money will, or already has been spent on tickets to various venues to see out the old and welcome in the new year and as any experienced hunter knows, NYE is the best time of the year to capture hot, drunk and willing antelope, which brings me to the subject of today’s post.
The Shallow Man has made it his mission in life to educate expats on the secrets of dating the Dutch. In doing so I’ve angered many a zeur Piet and have received some angry messages suggesting that I hop on a one way flight back to London. Well, undaunted by my brown shoe wearing, denim clad, wet haired critics, I will continue sharing years of experience gathered on the desert plains of the Dutch dating safari. If as a result, I am hunted down and held in a room, forced to watch De Toppers in concert, non-stop for 24 hours, I’ll look my critics firmly in the eyes and use my favorite Dutch curse word….. Hou je Bek!!! The things I do for my readers!
How to date Dutch women on new years eve
Regardless of which jungle Lions have originated from, every Simba knows that on new years eve the usual dating rules do not apply. It’s a feast out there and there is no better time of the year where so many antelope are freely available. An abundance of riches. However, in the Netherlands, if you are looking to eat well, without the usual long slow motion chase across the open savanna, follow the advice of your uncle, shallow man.
Are my eyes deceiving me or are they drinking champagne?
Dutch ladies, as they are used to dating Dutch men, are not averse to buying their own drinks, and on NYE go all out and will buy a bottle of Champagne (or Prosecco) to celebrate. So my advice to the Lions out there is, make sure that you get yourself within biting space of your Dutch prey. The gathered groups of ladies are highly likely to be a little merry already, and will have already have carried out their same sex greeting rituals of smoking, shouting, selfies and smoking again.
The Dutch antelope, lives in fear of missing a single moment of their evening, so will take thousands of photos of just about every possible event. Be a gentlemen Lion and offer to take two or three thousand photos of the ladies who will pout their lips like so many fish on an Albert Cuyp Market stall. Inexplicably, they will also take photos of themselves having a photo taken of them. Smile and spend the next twenty minutes being ordered to retake the same pictures again and again and again.
Usually by this time, the merry antelope is highly likely to have made the first subtle move. By subtle, I mean that they should have cornered you like a drone hovering above a wanted terrorist, and machine gun like, fired a hundred questions a minute at you until you crumble in submission. If this does not happen, this is one of the joys of NYE, the watering holes will be packed full of herds and herds of antelope. Simply, move on to the next herd and try again.
It was only a kiss, sorry Hoor!!
If you’re looking for love and romance, don’t expect to find it on NYE. If you’re looking to give your tongue much needed exercise, then it’s the night for you. Look up Dutch ladies in any encyclopedia and you’ll see a reference to hot! On new years eve, full of the spirit of the season, or just full of plain spirit, the hot Dutch antelope is highly likely to grab and kiss a Lion quite passionately. This does not mean that under any circumstances that the antelope will end up in your Lair as a result. Instead it’s quite common for Dutch girls to kiss away and then, lose interest and move on to the next Lion. Follow their example and don’t waste precious time chasing the same antelope, if they are obviously just having a good time.
The Smartphone is always around
Lions that have a Lioness at home, would be well advised to be wary of the multiple photo taking antelope. The last thing any Lion wants is for their lioness to see a picture on Facebook of Simba sampling some prime antelope. Remember that the Dutch antelope is obsessed with taking photos of themselves at all times.
Happy New Year
The shallow man wishes all of his loyal Lions and Antelopes a fabulous and happy new year. Watch out for the Dutch caveman who will act as if he’s never seen fire before, while lighting enough fireworks to start a small scale war. Enjoy.
No snogging Lions or Antelope were hurt during the writing of this post.
In 2014, the shallow man will be releasing his new book, the shallow man guide to the Dutch dating game, an ebook only special containing a compilation of my most popular dating posts plus some new material.