Dutch and American Girls, 5 Differences

The Shallow Man was in Paris recently, and while sat outside one of my favorite cafes, was sat next to a table of American girls, one of whom spent most of the time discussing very loudly about whether or not some guy she’d been out with a couple of times was interested in her or not. Now if that had been a Dutch girl, she’d have jumped that poor mans bones or got rid of him in no time at all, which brings me to the subject of today’s post, 5 differences between Dutch and American girls.

For the purposes of this post, I will, of course, generalise (somewhat) and I’ll focus on the middle classes ladies of both countries of whom I know well. This post might be upsetting to some, and if as a result I’m rounded up by a group of American girls, and dragged handcuffed and blindfolded to Starbucks and am forced to drink overpriced Chai Tea, followed by a skinny latte and then made to sit through every episode of Modern Family, with an icy demeanour I’ll shout at my detractors “Fat is NOT a feminist issue, eat less and get some exercise.”

The things I do for my readers!

Disclaimer: All the observations about Dutch and American girls made below are based on people I’ve known personally or know.

 

1. Feminism Dutch and American girls

Dutch Girls

Dutch girls believe that feminism involves the following:

1. Shouting
2. Eliminating as many outwards signs that might lead one to conclude that they could possibly be female.
3. Telling every poor sucker that has the misfortune to get into a conversation with them that they are feminists.

American Girls

American girls believe that feminism involves the following:

1. Blaming every misfortune, mishap and lack of career progression on sexism.
2. Hating men
3. Looking for proof of sexism everywhere. The subway is late? The driver was probably too busy looking at pictures of semi-naked women on the Internet. The Taxi driver asks you where you’re from? “I feel so sexually harassed”. A man holds a door open for you? “How patronising of him, it’s benevolent sexism, how dare he?”
4. Whining about the fact that they can’t sunbathe topless legally in the US, this, of course, is a far more important issue than child poverty, high mortality rates amongst the poor, lack of health coverage etc, etc.

2. Political Correctness

Dutch and American girls approach political correctness in fundamentally different ways.

Dutch PC means:

1. Making comments about Moroccans, people from the former Dutch colonies, Muslims, Bulgarians, Romanians etc that in most countries would be considered outrageous. However, the Netherlands was the first country in the world to legalise gay marriage, this makes all Dutch people super tolerant because they love gay people.

American girls believe that being politically correct means:

1. Referring to their fellow citizens using labels. For example, African American, Indian American, Latin American, African, Jamaican, British American. Martian American. Illegal Alien American etc. If you’re really unlucky you’ll meet an American girl who when you ask her where she’s from will say  “well actually, I’m a quarter Latino, quarter African American, quarter caucasian and a quarter Japanese American.
2. Telling everyone that they voted for Obama. However, many of these same women would still walk across a busy highway rather than risk being on the same side of the road as a black man on a dark night. “Did I say black? Call the PC police immediately, I meant of course African American”.

 

3. Marriage

There are major differences in how Dutch and American girls approach the question of marriage.

Dutch girls tend to view marriage as:

1. An optional next phase in a successful relationship

When the Dutch marry, they’ll often marry during the week to keep the costs down and make it a small affair with close friends and family. Providing presents is usually optional but not expected.

American girls tend to view marriage as:

1. The objective of being in a serious relationship. Marrying the right man is as important as choosing the right University, the correct profession and living in the right neighbourhood. It’s also a great way of furnishing your new home.

When an American girl is going to marry, she’ll invite five hundred close friends and will spend weeks deciding who should sit where and next to whom. The wedding has to be the biggest and the best of all time, and she’ll happily go into debt to tell the world, “I’ve got the right man” Americans, in general, have the bloody cheek to create a wedding list of overpriced household appliances and other goodies, even being kind enough to list the shops where you can buy the items. Depending on which item on the list you choose will determine if you get ringside seats at the reception, or end up being seated close to the toilet on a table with their great uncle who emigrated to the USA from Germany in July 1945.

4. Dutch and American girls and smoking

Dutch girls view smoking as:

1. A human right
2. The closest relationship they tend to have in their lives
3. Something to do before, after and during sex

American girls view smoking as:

1. A crime against humanity
2. As something that shouldn’t even be allowed in a public park, what if a passing bird inhales some of the smoke? The Irony that Americans tend to drive the shortest possible distances instead of walking, thus polluting the atmosphere with exhaust fumes is often lost on them
3. Something that people working in advertising agencies used to do in the sixties

5. Dating

While on a first date with a Dutch girl they’ll usually:

1. Ask lots of questions (similar to a terrorist being interrogated by intelligence officers)
2. Will pretty much make it clear if you’ll end up in bed together at some point or not

While on a first date with an American girl they’ll usually:

1. Talk about themselves as if they are the star of their own reality TV show and are explaining to an audience of the unemployed, hungover students and lazy housewives every possible excruciatingly tedious detail of their lives
2. Tell you their views on politics, even if you went out of your way to avoid such a discussion. This can be particularly annoying if she happens to be a Republican, or even worse a tea party supporter.
3. Will give off hundreds of conflicting signals, including telling you all you never wanted to know about their previous relationships

In closing, I guess it’s a matter of what you’re used to, but like a Dutch man on a second date, I think I’d still prefer to go Dutch.

No housewives were hurt during the writing of this article.

For the differences between Dutch and American men, click here

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