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5 Differences Between Dutch and American Girls

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Dutch and American Girls, 5 Differences

The Shallow Man was in Paris recently, and while sat outside one of my favorite cafes, was sat next to a table of American girls, one of whom spent most of the time discussing very loudly about whether or not some guy she’d been out with a couple of times was interested in her or not. Now if that had been a Dutch girl, she’d have jumped that poor mans bones or got rid of him in no time at all, which brings me to the subject of today’s post, 5 differences between Dutch and American girls.

For the purposes of this post I will of course generalise (somewhat) and I’ll focus on the middle classes ladies of both countries of whom I know well. This post might be upsetting to some, and if as a result I’m rounded up by a group of American girls, and dragged handcuffed and blindfolded to Starbucks and am forced to drink overpriced Chai Tea, followed by a skinny latte and then made to sit through every episode of Modern Family, with an icy demeanour I’ll shout at my detractors “Fat is NOT a feminist issue, eat less and get some exercise.”

The things I do for my readers!

Disclaimer: All the observations about Dutch and American girls made below are based on people I’ve known personally or know.

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1. Feminism Dutch and American girls

Dutch Girls

Dutch girls believe that feminism involves the following:

  1. Shouting
  2. Eliminating as many outwards signs that might lead one to conclude that they could possibly be female.
  3. Telling every poor sucker that has the misfortune to get into a conversation with them that they are feminists.

differences between dutch and american girls

American Girls

American girls believe that feminism involves the following:

  1. Blaming every misfortune, mishap and lack of career progression on sexism.
  2. Hating men
  3. Looking for proof of sexism everywhere. The Subway is late? The driver was probably too busy looking at pictures of semi-naked women on the Internet. The Taxi driver asks you where you’re from? “I feel so sexually harassed”. A man holds a door open for you? “How patronising of him, it’s benevolent sexism, how dare he?”
  4. Whining about the fact that they can’t sunbathe topless legally in the US, this of course is a far more important issue than child poverty, high mortality rates amongst the poor, lack of health coverage etc, etc.
American feminism is different to that practiced in the Netherlands
American style feminism

2. Political Correctness

Dutch and American girls approach political correctness in fundamentally different ways.

Dutch PC means:

  1. Making  comments about Moroccans, people from the former Dutch colonies, Muslims, Bulgarians, Romanians etc that in most countries would be considered outrageous. However, the Netherlands was the first country in the world to legalise gay marriage, this makes all Dutch people super tolerant because they love gay people.
Zwarte Piet Dutch blind spot
No PC nonsense for us

American girls believe that being politically correct means:

  1. Referring to their fellow citizens using labels. For example, African American, Indian American, Latin American, African, Jamaican, British American. Martian American. Illegal Alien American etc. If you’re really unlucky you’ll meet an American girl who when you ask her where she’s from will say  “well actually, I’m a quarter latino, quarter african American, quarter caucasian and a quarter Japanese American.
  2. Telling everyone that they voted for Obama. However, many of these same women would still walk across a busy highway rather than risk being on the same side of the road as a black man on a dark night. “Did I say black? Call the PC police immediately, I meant of course African American”.


3. Marriage

There are major differences in how Dutch and American girls approach the question of marriage.

Dutch girls tend to view marriage as:

  1. An optional next phase in a successful relationship

When the Dutch marry, they’ll often marry during the week to keep the costs down and make it a small affair with close friends and family. Providing presents is usually optional but not expected.

American girls tend to view marriage as:

  1. The objective of being in a serious relationship. Marrying the right man is as important as choosing the right University, the correct profession and living in the right neighborhood. It’s also a great way of furnishing your new home.

When an American girl is going to marry, she’ll invite five hundred close friends and will spend weeks deciding who should sit where and next to whom. The wedding has to be the biggest and the best of all time, and she’ll happily go into debt to tell the world, “I’ve got the right man” Americans in general have the bloody cheek to create a wedding list of overpriced household appliances and other goodies, even being kind enough to list the shops where you can buy the items. Depending on which item on the list you choose will determine if you get ringside seats at the reception, or end up being seated close to the toilet on a table with their great uncle who emigrated to the USA from Germany in July 1945.

4. Dutch and American girls and smoking

Dutch girls view smoking as:

  1. A human right
  2. The closest relationship they tend to have in their lives
  3. Something to do before, after and during sex

American girls view smoking as:

  1. A crime against humanity
  2. As something that shouldn’t even be allowed in a public park, what if a passing bird inhales some of the smoke? The Irony that Americans tend to drive the shortest possible distances instead of walking, thus polluting the atmosphere with exhaust fumes is often lost on them
  3. Something that people working in advertising agencies used to do in the sixties

5. Dating

While on a first date with a Dutch girl they’ll usually:

  1. Ask lots of questions (similar to a terrorist being interrogated by intelligence officers)
  2. Will pretty much make it clear if you’ll end up in bed together at some point or not

While on a first date with an American girl they’ll usually:

  1. Talk about themselves as if they are the star of their own reality TV show and are explaining to an audience of the unemployed, hungover students and lazy housewives every possible excruciatingly tedious detail of their lives
  2. Tell you their views on politics, even if you went out of your way to avoid such a discussion. This can be particularly annoying if she happens to be a republican, or even worse a tea party supporter.
  3. Will give off hundreds of conflicting signals, including telling you all you never wanted to know about their previous relationships

In closing, I guess it’s a matter of what you’re used to, but like a Dutch man on a second date, I think I’d still prefer to go Dutch.

No housewives were hurt during the writing of this article.

For the differences between Dutch and American men, click here

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About Simon Woolcot

Infamous blogger, annoyance and self confessed Shallow Man . Simon is a British expat who has lived in Amsterdam for over 11 years, and due to Brexit may soon be applying for asylum. As well as writing this blog, Simon also has a YouTube channel of the same name, writes and directs videos, and hosts seminars about life in the Netherlands
  • twentysomething

    you choose Dutch but the question is, would you marry them

    • Simon Woolcot

      Well it would be a lot cheaper than marrying an American 😉

    • Sugarsail1

      that’s not the objective, you must be an American female: See 3.1

    • As an American, I definitely would consider it. Am I wrong to have this fantasy? (Yes, I would become fluent in their language).

  • TheGuy

    Hmm are they still talking bad about the Romanians? Probably the ignorant Dutch. I am a Romanian and never felt mistreated by anyone in NL. Maybe I don’t look like “some” people that are coming from Romania, numbering about one million 😀

    Anyway, back to the subject, I agree with it mostly, but I am not sure I like it. American girls might say a lot of things, but actually they might change their mind immediately or they would avoid to tell really important things about them, so you have to discover – things which make them interesting.
    Dutch girls ask a lot of questions (as you said, like being interrogated) then they say about them, likes and don’t likes. Their answers are a bit too straight forward, too honest,if you ask me, and then they expect exactly the same from you…For me this is not so interesting, it’s hard to call them for a second date; but of course it depends on the taste. Probably on the long run, we have to go Dutch 😉

  • trumpetsandtulips

    I’m a Dutch and American dual citizen (born in Holland to American parents, lived here for most of my life but spent the last 8 years in the USA. Wait am I sounding too much like the American girls described in 2.1?), so as someone who embodies both the best and worst of all of the above, I still found this hilarious!!
    Pretty much lost it at:
    “if as a result I’m rounded up by a group of American girls, and dragged handcuffed and blindfolded to Starbucks and am forced to drink overpriced Chai Tea, followed by a skinny latte and then made to sit through every episode of modern family, with an icy demeanour I’ll shout at my detractors “Fat is NOT a feminist issue, eat less and get some exercise.”
    How do you not like Modern Family though that show is gold!

    • Simon Woolcot

      To be perfectly honest, I just used Modern Family as it’s quite trendy. I’ve never watched an episode 😉

  • paleontologist

    Whether your wish was to make a deep joke or whatever it was, what you are using here are three spesific country names and much more importantly a religion name which consist of around every one of six people in the world with a truly unpleasant way. This kind of “being light-hearted” is too unutterable and disgusting. I am sure you guys even act like good people in your real lives as if you have ever thought about how to be.

  • BG

    American girls are so annoying! Just the worst! Can they ever, like, say “like” only, like, maybe every, like, four words instead of, like, every two words? And can they finish, like, sentences… and stuff… with a normal intonation and not, like, a question-like intonation? 😀
    Seriously, so hard to listen to high-pitched LIKEs and question-sounding statements on the streets!

    • Rachel

      What a ridiculous stereotype. I’m an American girl and do not fit any of these labels. People need to stop generalizing about each others cultures and putting all girls in one category. Get to know a few American girls, you might be pleasantly surprised.

      • shara neiman

        It depends on where in America you live too. And considering America is a multi-cultural country who exactly are the “American” girls he’s referring to? I don’t fit into any of these labels either lol.

    • xXTitaniumArcherXx

      Have you heard my voice? I can’t even sing as high as Shawn Mendes, where the hell did you get “high-pitched” from?

    • kelleth

      Dutch girls are the same, except they have an extremely annoying giggle. Its like walking past a chicken coop.

      • Steele Dutchess

        and eat like hogs at a trough . I watched a chick on New Years Day on the train from Vlissingen back to Amsterdam WOLF down 2 McRibs. ZERO manners- just horked the things down . I do not know what you mean by in moderation unless it also includes the inhalation of an entire flounder in less than 10 minutes , that would be my Dutch sister in law who thinks I am too thin @118.

  • Angélique

    LOL the picture of the woman kicking the man is BDSM.

  • shara neiman

    Whatever, sounds like a lot of bitter grapes from someone who didn’t have success with either.

  • Angela

    Funny! Of course in general! !!

  • cagonker

    500 friends, holy…shitus.

  • jr023

    reading number 4 then look up the cancer rate of the Netherlands explains the high lung cancer rates of women

  • Heavenly Troopers

    Murican any day! Love the post though, witty and elating 🙂

  • Alex Roozeberg (Blikje)

    I live in the Netherlands, and this is absolutely not true for me, and almost all the people (girls) I know. We know feminism mean equal rights between women and men, we see marriage as something you do once a lifetime, sometimes twice, but only if it really doesn’t work out. We see smoking as something that is very unhealthy, and you should never start with. And dating is for us pretty much how the american way is described.
    And besides everything, we don’t wear panty’s as pants.

    • hahahaha 😀 Well thanks for the clarifications. As I said at the beginning of the article, it’s based on women I’ve met in both the Netherlands and the USA. Doei!

  • Kim

    I’m an American woman with Dutch ancestry. The way you described American women seems accurate IF you’re describing a liberal American woman. Those of us that are conservative American women are not described here.

    • Steele Dutchess

      Wrong , I am a liberal and in no way did he describe me .

  • Blueman

    LOL, this is just plain bullshit nonsense.

  • Gail

    It’s interesting that you described, pretty much, a typical LIBERAL American woman in almost every aspect of the article…yet you then turned around and derided conservative women who, in most aspects, are generally the opposite of what you were complaining about. Therefore, I have to look at your entire article with a jaundiced eye….being a conservative American female with Dutch-Swedish-German-French ancestry.

  • Frater Tencinbaulm

    Being a guy from Connecticut, USA and having traveled to Amsterdam in my earlier 20’s each for about 2 weeks at a time, or a bit longer, I agree with most of what you put here. You didn’t really cover the physical attribute differences much but that’s cool. I like the honesty of Dutch people in general, often perceived as rudeness by people from the anglosphere.. and as far as physically I think Dutch girls (not the ones who aren’t so much ‘Native’ I guess depending though) are big boned, which is also nice. 🙂 Friendship wise I’ve found they make loyal friends but if you cross them once that’s it, they might completely abandon you and get much more angry than an American might.. in my case it was some mistake I made by disclosing something I didn’t know was private I think, but yeah..

  • Steele Dutchess

    … and British guys live off the government and think working and marriage of any kind is too old fashioned (meaning they can’t get anyone and are too broke or just plain selfish enough to not want to contribute ) they are also rude and very condescending .

  • Speak_Truth_to_Power

    I just met a very attractive, intelligent, energetic woman whose paternal family is from Denmark, and whose mother is Colombian. Man is she cold. No overt sexuality, sensuality, playfulness or glimmer of affection. Is this the Dutch persona. Or is there a warm heart in there waiting for the thaw to bring out the romance, passion and wild Latin sex lying dormant beneath the ice.