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High heels

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Living in the Netherlands, the country of “doe maar effe normaal” it’s pretty unusual to see women wearing heels, something that in France, Italy and the UK is pretty normal. There are exceptions of course, one of them being Chantalle Laurent, who I’ve invited to write a guest blog piece about her journey from wearing typical “sensible” shoes with low heels to wearing the killer, gravity defying stilettos that she wears today. Over to Chantalle.

The Joys of high heels

Ladies, screw diamonds, believe me gay men are a girl’s best friend. I’m talking from experience here as I have a few and one in particular, my best friend forever (bff).  He’s my personal fashion advisor keeping me up to date on all of the latest trends as well as acting as my personal stylist.

Find your balance, strike a pose, and smile
Find your balance, strike a pose, and smile

Treat him just like a Chanel purse and he will be your best man

As much as you need your bff advising you about fashion, love, gossip and so on, he needs you, especially the fabulous you. The higher the heels, the longer the hair, the sexier the look, in other words I’m a bit of a faghag, a woman who associates mostly with gay men. Also known as fruit fly or queer dear.

One day, like Cinderella, my dear bff proved that a pair of shoes could change my life. A few years ago when we went to look for new outfits to shine bright with in the Amsterdam nightlife, he came to me with a pair of the highest heels I’d ever seen in his hands. “Look how gorgeous they will fit below that new skirt of yours. If I was a woman I would wear these even to go shopping.”  Somewhat intimidated by the size of the heels, and surprised that he’d even suggest such a thing I said to him “oh yes darling… I see. Do you want me smile all night when we go out or just be grumpy? Sitting somewhere in the corner complaining like a pussy as I’ll be in such agony from wearing those shoes?”

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Luckily for him, they didn’t have his size for the gorgeous pair of heels he held in his hands, otherwise I would have loved to have seen him walking from one side of the store to the other in them.

Stairway to Heaven

“Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world”

Here is where having a gay bff really came in handy. Due to my fear of breaking my ankles with killer heels my bff came up with a solution. We opted for 8cm heels. I must admit that I had some pain now and then initially when wearing them, but soon I was strutting like a diva on the heels. The next time we went shopping together, I graduated to wearing a pair of 10cm heels, these I found to be no different pain wise than the 8cm ones. Feeling brave having not broken my neck or any other part of my body I then moved on to a pair of 13cm heels and finally to a pair of gravity defying 15cm stilettos. Still no broken ankles, instead a powerful feminine feeling, addictive and hard to resist. Heels do it for me big time, in so many ways. I believe that heels and femininity go together like Range Rovers and Amsterdam organized crime. A real woman wears them with a straight spine; chin up, tits pointing 90 degrees.

Stilettos
Six ways to break your neck but die looking fabulous

Nowadays I see girls staring at my….…..heels the same way I did in the beginning, in shock and disbelief.
Everything is possible ladies, but please take it step by step. The last thing you want is to look like is like a newborn calf.

Another piece of advice, just as Cinderella got herself transported by a beautiful coach, don’t forget in these modern times we have something called a taxi, which makes your heel adventures a lot easier. Well… some taxi drivers make me feel like a real diva. Not because of their gentleness – forgetting to open the door – but the look on their faces when I ask them to take me to a place nearby. With a smile on my face I’m saying “please take a look at my heels”, while I’m actually thinking ‘shut up my heels are bigger than your d**k, now please take me there before I arrive too late’. Time to change to Uber.

Walk around like you’re bigger than Prince

I agree with the Shallow Man that Ladies in heels equals HOT. I just wonder if any man could be sexier in high heels than Prince? With his confidence and ease he knows how to get my attention as much as the ladies do. Men in heels, YES!

Can’t get enough of high heels too? Then you’re in for a surprising show, you should come this Saturday to the Kiss Bang Affair the second edition of the newest gay/open minded party in Amsterdam!

kiss bang show
Men in heels performing at the Kiss Bang Affair

 

Another outrageous act
Circus duo Milena & Christopher will surprise you this Saturday at Kiss Bang Affair

 

I guess for me it’s about time to take it to the next level: Lady Gaga style!

As much as the Shallow Man despises Lady Gaga, I’d like to thank Chantalle Laurent.

No ladies in flat shoes were hurt during the writing of this post.

 

About Simon Woolcot

Infamous blogger, annoyance and self-confessed Shallow Man. Simon is a British expat who has lived in Amsterdam since 2004. As well as writing this blog, Simon also has a YouTube channel of the same name, writes and directs videos and hosts seminars about life in the Netherlands. He also works as a content marketing and SEO specialist.