Christmas presents for your Dutch boyfriend

Christmas is almost here and I know that what with being busy with going to Internations, meetups, hairdressers and beauty salons that many expat ladies have been too busy to buy Christmas presents for their Dutch boyfriends. But fear not, the Shallow Man is here with some superb suggestions for presents that your Dutch boyfriend will love so much that he might even admit that your country of origin is almost as good as the Netherlands.

The things I do for my readers!

Buying presents for Dutch women is difficult, but for Dutch men it’s harder than getting decent service at an Amsterdam eetcafe. Nevertheless, here’s my hot tips.

1. Brown shoe polish

Brown shoe polish is a wonderful gift. Not only can he polish his shoes, (you might have to teach him how to do this) but on top of that in November he can apply some to his face when playing Zwarte Piet in or out of the bedroom. 😉

Zwarte Piet photo of a traditional Zwarte Piet

Got the shoe polish, got the vibes, let’s get it on je lekker wijf!



2. Hair gel

You’ve chosen to date a man who spends more time and money on his hair than you, so make him happy with a years supply of hair gel.

Perfect Christmas present for your Dutch boyfriend

Hotter than freshly fried Oliebollen and just as greasy


3. Handy financial gadget

You know that the way to a Dutchman’s heart is through his wallet. So there’s no better gift than the Sumup air pin machine. You’ll be able to pay him immediately everytime you have the heating up above 18 degrees at home in winter. Or when you waste his cash by buying ingredients for soup instead of buying it in a tin like everyone else. He’ll be so excited about this present that you might end up having sex twice in an actual month. Geil!

perfect present for your Dutch boyfriend

The sexiest gift you can buy your Dutch boyfriend


4. Flood jeans

The Dutch like to be prepared for all eventualities, so a wonderful gift is, of course, a pair of jeans that will be perfect when large parts of the country get flooded with water. The other advantage of these pants is that while you’re out with your Dutchman he’ll be able to show off his sexy ankles to other ladies who will be wetter than the hair of a Dutch woman on public transport at the sight.

flood jeans

Ladies control yourselves


5. Samenlevingscontract

If you’re not living with your Dutch boyfriend yet but are planning to do so, then go and visit a lawyer and draw up a draft samenlevingscontract. This romantic document will ensure that before you move in that you’ve already listed all the items belonging to each of you which you’ll be able to take with you when you split up. These things are so common that they even sell them at the Hema.  This gesture will move him to tears of joy and will be proof of how Dutch you’ve become. Doe maar!


Don’t worry, the deep fat fryer and leopard print thong will definitely remain his after you break up

No lawyers were hurt during the writing of this post.

Until next time, rot op met je happy Christmas!