Stuff Dutch Men Hate the Top nine
The Shallow Man believes in equal opportunities for all. Having written about stuff Dutch people hate, as well as stuff Dutch women hate, It’s only fair that I turn my attention to Dutch men. In order to avoid the inevitable accusations that I don’t know what I’m talking about, I’ve reached out to my Multikulti flock and asked them for suitable suggestions on the stuff Dutch men hate. I’ve been inundated with so many suggestions that I couldn’t possibly fit them all into a single post, so will use only a small selection of the observations contributed by my fabulous readers.
Now my post might annoy some, and if as a result I’m captured by a group of angry Dutch men, who force me to eat slices of bread covered in hagelslag, and then force me to wash it down with a glass of milk, I’ll say to my enemies, “jullie zijn toch volwassenen, waarom eten jullie als kinderen?”. (You’re grown men, why do eat like children?).
The things I do for my readers!
1. Stuff Dutch men hate above all else black Shoes
Until I moved to the Netherlands, I thought that blue suede shoes was the title of an Elvis Presley song. How wrong I was. Dutch men, in spite of not being too keen on non-western immigration, happily embrace all possible colors when it comes to shoes. In fact, if you take a train into Amsterdam Zuid or Den Haag Central station, you’ll see shoes with more shades of brown than an open sewer. Dutch men hate black shoes as they have the same effect on them as a crucifix to a vampire.
2. Not receiving sex as a sign of gratitude
Second on my list of stuff Dutch men hate is an issue that appears to be quite common.
To my female expat readers, if you must live here, you’ve got to learn Dutch normen en waarden (norms and values). If a Dutch man does any of the following for you, the normal way of expressing gratitude is to offer, rampant, ear bleedingly loud, passionate sex.
- He spent precious time and petrol money, driving 1.6 kilometers out of his way to take you home
- He paid the bill on the second date, the entire bill!
- He walked you home at one am, and you live in a dangerous neighborhood (he spotted some brown skinned folks walking around)
Not reciprocating with sex in the situations outlined above, will anger your Dutch date, and might contribute to the ending of what could have been a beautiful one night stand.
3. Foreigners that give themselves fancy airs and graces
A Dutch man suggested this. What he means by foreigners that give themselves fancy airs and graces, are people that behave as follows:
- Opening doors for women
- Saying please and thank you
- Leaving generous tips in cafes and restaurants
- Giving up your seat on public transport for pregnant women or the elderly
- Not shouting about how many orgasms you had the previous night into your smartphone while on public transport
- Washing your hands after using the toilet
- Wearing a suit to a wedding as opposed to a pair of old jeans and a moth eaten jumper
Doe maar gewoon, dan doe je al gek genoeg!
4. Hair without gel
A Dutchman leaving the house without hair gel being applied is like a Dutch woman that doesn’t have sex on the second date, pretty bloody rare. Dutch men spend far more time in the bathroom getting ready than their female counterparts. The objective is to look just like a cross between a nineteen eighties footballer and Macgyver.
The second world war was a long time ago, we’re all friends now right? Wrong! Dutch men have no problem with Germans most of the time, but when they have the bloody cheek to win the world cup, (again), all of the anti-German sentiment comes rising to the fore faster than getting an erection every time they check their bank balances.
Suddenly comments about returning their grandpa’s bike, or “how does a German open an oyster? They knock hard on the Oyster’s shell three times and shout “AUFMACHEN!”. Once the shell is open the German then says “AUSWEIS!!!”.
6. Paying the bill on a date
I’m conflicted here, as, on one hand, I’ve received lots of messages from women who tell me that Dutch men always ask to split the bill on the first date. I’ve also received a few messages from angry Dutch men, telling me that it’s not true. The truth, as always, is somewhere in the middle and in fact a major cultural misunderstanding. Dutch men are happy to pay the bill on the first date, as long as you make it clear that at some point in the near future, (preferably the same day) your legs will spread easier than margarine on a boterham. Problem opgelost!
7. Women driving expensive cars
Nothing angers some Dutchmen more than seeing a woman driving a car more expensive than their own. This will lead to such pleasantries as “kijk uit je domme trut!” and other choice words not used by gentlemen, without any provocation whatsoever. Guys, some women are smarter than you and I, and are able to earn more money, get over it.
8. Buying flowers
Globalisation is changing good old fashion Dutch traditions. It used to be that in the Netherlands, men would only buy flowers after they’d euthanized their Grandparents. Unbelievably, Dutch women, are now starting to expect flowers on February the 14th. That’s a stupid tradition thought up by foreigners and brought to the Netherlands so that foreign companies can get their hands on the hard working Dutchman’s money. Some women even expect flowers, just like that, FOR NO REASON! Ongelooflijk!
9. Stuff Dutch men hate dancing
Dutch men don’t dance. In fact, the only time they feel comfortable dancing is when high on ecstasy or dressed up as Zwarte Piet. If anyone needs evidence that ZP is indeed, truly not meant to be a black man, just look at the video below. No brothers have ever moved like that. Instead of all of the pseudo historical arguments about traditions, I suggest that the supporters of Zwarte Piet simply show the video below as evidence that he really does have nothing to do with black people at all.
To summarise the stuff Dutch men hate
The key to success when dating a local lion is to avoid doing the things that Dutch men hate. So remember to insist on eating at FEBO on the first date, pay the bill, then invite him home for sex. Romance is alive and well in the Netherlands. Enjoy!
No women driving expensive cars were hurt during the writing of this post.
For more shallow Wisdom check out my YouTube channel.
Till next time hou je mond!
I have been seeing a dutch guy for a year. We had a night stand and had differences because of my race and geography. The truth is he supports me knowing my current situation and have not made me feel like his taking advantage of me. He is not asking me for sex and even if I try to….and btw he is not seeing anyone else….and yes there’s an age gap between us.
He tolerates me even when his super upset with me…he doesn’t let it visible but I’d be punished mentally…guess with globalisation some dutch guys adapt positive cultures and so far the most reasonable individual I’ve ever met in my 26 years in this planet????
And yes I am in love with him and don’t know if he feels the same way…???? any advise?
Oh simply couldn’t stop laughing.
Ah this is so herkenbaar…
Although my husband dóés bring me flowers for no apparant reason these days and he éven dances with me. Inside the house.
And he did pay for everything on the first few dates ánd turned down sex.
Oh ánd I make more money than him and he is very much OK with that. I thought that was a typically foreign thing to get worked up about actually.
But what someone below wrote: that her Dutch guy pays the rent… Why on éárth would you let someone pay your rent? I would be ashamed of profiting from someone elses money like that. But I am a Dutch woman so maybe that’s why I don’t understand. I’d rather die than let my husband turn up for all the costs. We split vacations, rent, groceries, everything, corrected for income… Is that really considered weird in other parts of the world? Why would the man have to pay for everything? What do yóú, as a woman, do with your money?
In the rest of the world, people don’t really “split” the expenses, because there is no such thing as “your” and “my” money.
Example: We don’t really care who is paying the bill, we select a debit card at random and pay them. It belongs to both of us.
I think the Zwarte Pieten in the video are women
My dutch bf is totally opposite, waited for sex for 3 weeks,though we were seeing each other almost every day, payed most of the bills, payed for some of the trips we took together, gives flowers, doesn’t use any gel, pays for the rent all by himself if he has enough money for it (though for me it’s not a problem to share), gives gifts and souvenirs to my and his friends and family which cost more than 20 average dutch euros and many many many other things that make him not fall under the stereotype(has to note though that he gets all the good treatments from me too, money, physically aaand mentally wise, i guess it never has to be one side game, is it?). For this he is known among everybody as not being typical dutch. Even his parents say so. Overall treat your dutch man good and he’ll repay you well! And the most important, tell him what you want and what you expect and use your girl charms and this is an advise you should apply not only to dutch but all men, coz they are in majority known to be slow and dumb when it’s coming to women.
It must be my 25% of Indonesian blood… but sex on the first (or even second or third) date?! Is that really common here? Am I such a prude or are the others just a bit loose…?
My poor future dates… they have no idea what kind of disappointment they’re in for 😀
Very true, all of it! Except for the dancing part – you forgot how they sway drunkenly from side to side during Carnaval (is that technically “dancing”?)
Gonna have to disagree with #2 – that’s been my experience with American men, not Dutch men! And I have to say, it’s not a bad thing to live in a society where women are so well respected they’re expected to actually, you know, pay for the things they want/eat/do. 😉
Except, the guy with the ‘Dutch’ hairstyle is an englishman!
Correct, Pat Sharp, well spotted.
Yet again a great post! Keep it coming!
Love it .. Love it !!! Darn you good ! Going to take my 2 seater out in a minute and said ” ga fietsen jongens” … Love this article !!! …. Thank you wee man -:))
Have the worlds worst ‘dress sense’ – something held over from the 60’s I believe, that somehow not dressing smartly & having a good hair-cut etc.was a sign of rebellion. It isn’t – you look foolish is your ‘washed to death’ t-shirt & jeans.