Louis XVI was in his palace, bored out of his mind waiting for the invention of Netflix. When one of his aides rushed in and said, “your majesty, the peasants are revolting”. To which he replied, “yes you’re right, I find them disgusting too”. The confused aide tried again, “no your majesty, the peasants are really revolting”. The slightly irritated King replied, “yes I agree with you. Perhaps you should get your ears tested you dove kwartel!”. Moving swiftly along to present-day (don’t call it Holland), the peasants are revolting here too. over the new firework ban that will take place on New Year’s Eve in the year of Anouk 2021.

Of course, as this is the Netherlands, the revolt will take place mainly on Facebook, Twitter and Hyves.

Why the Firewok Ban in the Netherlands is unfair!

Having lived in the Netherlands for over 16 years I can tell you that New Year’s Eve is always civilized and gezellig. Some people say that the Dutch channel their Neanderthal ancestors in their irresistible worship of fire. But, in my opinion, that’s unfair. It’s just a bit of fun right?

I asked my token Dutch friend, Jan van Strakke Broek his thoughts on the firework ban.

Yes, on past New Year’s Eve’s there have been one or two (hundred) incidents of people having their fingers and other body parts blown off. But that’s precisely what makes it gezellig! My Anouk lost an eye while cycling past a group of people setting off fireworks on the street. But did she mind? Nee! It’s all part of the Dutch New Year celebratory tradition. I personally think her glass eye looks much better than the original.

The first Nederlander to lose his ear on New Year’s Eve due to fireworks

Here are some comments made today on social media by lovers of the gezellig en leuk Dutch firework tradition.

Zoveelste wat ze ons afpakken mogen we tegenwoordig nog wel gezelligheid hebben? Diep en diep triest waar dit naartoe gaat!

Yet another thing that they’ve taken from us. Nowadays are we still allowed to have a pleasant time? Really sad where this is leading!

A translation of the comments above

Isn’t going to happen as life is too short and je zal Nederlands leren. Only joking. The comments above can be summarised as:

“Welcome in dictatorship Netherlands!”

“Thanks to the mayors of the large (don’t laugh) cities. They asked for this”.

“And you can be sure that a curfew is coming”

Don’t mention the ‘C’ word

The reason for the firework ban on New Year’s Eve this year is due to hospitals already being at breaking point due to you know what. Whereas the government is usually happy to spend taxpayers money on fixing blown off bodyparts in hospitals. The concern is that this year, the health system won’t be able to cope.

Here’s an example of the type of harmless fireworks thrown around by enthusiasts.

Cobra Fireworks, For Men That Need To Overcompensate For Other Things

Spare a thought for the poor firework dealers in Belgium and Eastern Europe

Part of the New Year’s Eve tradition is for lovers of explosives to travel to parts of eastern Europe and Belgium and buy enough fireworks to wage small scale wars. It’s not unheard of for Dutch people to spend thousands of euros on fireworks. Many firework dealers will struggle this year without their Dutch buyers. However, as the Dutch have a habit of ignoring any rules they don’t like for example:

I’m sure that they’ll do as much business as usual.

Reasons for the firework ban in the netherlands
Amsterdam West on New Year’s Eve 2019

No hands, eyes or ears were damaged during the writing of this post. (But will be on New Year’s Eve).

Until next time, fight the power! (On social media from the comfort of your own home or bike).