How to Attract Dutch Men
I’d like to paint a picture for you. Just imagine for a moment that you put aside all of your hipster, right-on, PC, middle class principles, and decided to go out hunting an animal, let’s say for example a Lion. Well you wouldn’t just turn up on some savannah, then hang around until a Lion appears then start shooting. You would I hope carry out some research about the habits of your prey, and then strike with knowledge about how best to bring down your target. Dating with Dutch men requires a similar amount of preparation to avoid disappointment.
The Shallow Man has written many articles about dating Dutch men and the mistakes that women often make when hunting this most eligible of prey. In the past I’ve often received comments from Dutch men or their expat partners saything things such as “my Dutch boyfriend isn’t like the men in your articles, he likes me dressing up“.
So I was pleased to finally have some evidence to back up what both I and many of my readers have been saying for some time about Dutch men from no other than the magazine of the highly respected Dutch newspaper the Volkskrant. Which brings me to the subject of today’s post, how to attract Dutch men.
The Volkskrant Magazine, together with the University of Utrecht carried out a unique survey of 3500 Dutch men about what they find attractive in women. Of the men that took part in the survey, 95% were born in the Netherlands and 73% had followed higher education. The results of this survey were apparently a surprise to the editorial team at the Volkskrant who are obviously not readers of my blog. The results actually confirmed many of the things that are as obvious and predictable as a group of Dutch women sitting outside a cafe smoking in sub-zero temperatures.
The Shallow Man has read the survey, and has drawn a number of conclusions from the results that will help you (if you’re interested) in knowing how to attract Dutch men.
Now my analysis might upset some, and if as a result I’m captured by a group of angry expat women who are in relationships with Dutch men, and am forced to watch multiple episodes of Grenzeloos Verliefd while being told all the reasons why this article is incorrect, I’ll shout at my enemies, “You’re wasting your time, I’m not a Dutch guy and don’t allow myself to be bossed around”.
The things I do for my readers!
How to attract Dutch men according to the Volkskrant
As I read the article in the Volkskrant magazine, I’m not ashamed to admit that I wept. The Shallow Man wept for all those poor innocent expat ladies out there who’ve been on dates with Dutch men with high hopes, only to see their efforts not appreciated. I wept for all those attractive women, out in posh cocktail bars in Amsterdam, and the Hague, looking like a million dollars only to be ignored. I wept for all those expat ladies who’ve gone home (alone) and asked themselves “what does it take to attract Dutch men?” Well below I have some answers.
How to attract Dutch men don’t wear high heels
Firstly, the Shallow Man would like to apologise to all the Dutch women who he’s made fun of for wearing what I like to describe as dangerously flat shoes. Now I understand why they habitually wear these, keeping their feet firmly close to the ground. Women are biologically programmed to ensure the continued survival of the species. If Dutch women were to routinely wear high heels the Dutch race would die out!
High heels to Dutch men are like a crucifix to a vampire. When they see a woman in heels they shield their eyes and shout NOOOOOOOO!
How to scare Dutch men
“Anouk you’re wearing high heels, NOOOOOOOOOO!!”
The survey showed that 79% of Dutch men regard high heels as being not attractive. Absolutely bloody incredible. All those stylish and feminine Eastern European and Mediterranean women, tottering around Amsterdam in their killer heels are not appreciated by local Dutch men. Fear not ladies, in Amsterdam South there is an incredibly Shallow Man who always smiles when he sees an attractive lady in a pair of stilettos. Doe maar! However, if you want to attract Dutch men, tie a couple of table tennis bats to your feet and walk loud and proud down the street, that’s how to attract Dutch men, they’re afraid of heights, no heels, doe maar normaal!
It’s all in the eyes
Here’s a question for all you ladies. Sadly it’s still relatively common for immature, sad men, to call out rude comments to women on the street. Have any of you ever had men shout out “lovely eyes schatje, come on show me those eyes”. I assume that this has occurred, as according to the survey the part of women that Dutch men love the most is…..their eyes!  If you wear a burkha, then the Netherlands is definitely the country for you, men go crazy here for eyes. This could also explain why in some of the chic cafes and bars in Amsterdam women appear to wear sunglasses all the time, even if the sun hasn’t shined for weeks. It’s a good way to stop men coming on to them. How to attract Dutch men? Don’t wear sunglasses.
The Dutchman loves a small cup
It always amazes me when you see these huge Dutch guys drinking tiny little biertjes. Well they also prefer women’s breasts in small sizes as well. One of the reasons I decided to remain in the Netherlands was due to the joyful news that Dutch women’s breasts were getting bigger. In spite of being surrounded by lots of women with natural generous assets, the majority of Dutch men believe that a B cup is large enough!!!!!  Apparently Dutch men like their women to reflect the Dutch landscape, the flatter the better. It’s like living in Russia and refusing to drink Vodka.
Another finding was that the cold blooded Dutch male takes a view that lingerie is ok, but not strictly necessary. (Shoot me now!)
How to attract Dutch men? Get a breast reduction and wear granny pants.
Lekker aantrekkelijk
No makeup!
Another thing often noticed by expats is the lack of makeup worn by Dutch women. Now I understand why, it’s another survival of the species activity. 53% of Dutch men prefer women to wear as little makeup as possible. Well just take a look around, their wishes have been granted.  A Dutch woman wearing makeup is like a black man playing Sinterklaas, apparently it happens, but I’ve never seen it. 😉
Dutchmen love the natural look
No rabbits
Did I say rabbits? I meant hare, pubic hair distresses the majority of Dutch men. Apparently even in movember, Dutch men are not keen to see a moustache in the wrong place.
Dutch women are competitive dressers?
The final point I’ll highlight from the survey appears to contradict all available evidence and common sense. According to the survey 94% of Dutch men believe that women dress up to compete with each other. How in the hell does that work? Considering that the majority of Dutch ladies run around town in flat shoes, denim, and mismatched tops with hair styled by a fruit bowl, how on earth do they compete exactly? Is it a case of, Â “Anouk, take your eyes off my Jeroen, he’s not interested in you as my shoes are flatter than yours”. Or, Â “I haven’t worn makeup for so long that I when I fell asleep on the train an ambulance was called as the other passengers thought I was dead. Jeroen prefers the natural look”.
I’m confused by what is meant by ‘dressing up’ in this context. I guess it’s all about how old the boots are, if a Dutch woman wears boots that are less than twenty years old she’s showing off.
Dutch women are fans of Star Wars and competitive dressers
How to attract Dutch men
I hope the above will assist you in your quest to capture a Dutch man. So to summarise:
- Don’t wear high heels
- Keep your eyes looking sexy
- Regular apply a razor down under (I’m not talking about Australia)
- The ghostly white corpse look is very popular
- If you have large natural assets, strap them down
- Don’t wear lingerie
If you do all of the above then you’ll be attractive to Dutch men. Happy hunting.
No makeup artists were hurt during the writing of this post
Till next time, ‘hou je bek!’
Hey- hold on- ‘B is large enough’ ≠‘I prefer small boobs’
Dear Shallowman. You’re a pathetic ass. Find a big bag of dildos and eat every one.
My boyfriend told me not to wear makeup, he said he liked me way better without it and i just thought he was sugarcoating???? Damn I landed a gem of a man.
Hahaha so the Dutch men are EXACTLY my cup of tea!
I recently broke up with a half Dutch guy who was half Eastern European and his taste was: high heels, sexy outfit, prominent makeup, lingerie, curves, sleek hair.
Blah ???? Like I was born for all this sh*** … I have better things to do with my life and my schedule is too full for high heels and tight skirts to be running around in …
I like: flat shoes or up to 5 cm heels, 2 -3 cm platform cos I’m 165 cm. But nice shoes. A nice outfit, but before all, comfortable and adjustable to the Dutch weather switches. ????
I have B-cup. But a “J-Lo bottom” so it evens out.
I don’t have time for the makeup! If I manage, I do some basics – mascara, a lippy. I prefer to spend that time exercising, on skin care etc and keep my natural beauty this way.
I have pretty eyes. They really pop out with the right colours. So I pay attention to my colours.
I cycle a lot so I have a little bit of tan, I don’t look like a corpse if I fall asleep on the train. And yes, I’m one of those light girls with no prominent eyebrows, lips or anything. Pretty plain.
I like my underwear neat and comfortable. I’m annoyed by the fake unhealthy materials and sh***. Ok I wear it for the special occasions. Just like heels, a nice make up and a sexy outfit. But it’s not my every day look.
I have pleasant symmetric features as well as body shape and make sure it stays that way so I don’t need all the make up and stuff to look normal.
Ik doe gewoon normaal.
Oh and about them not approaching girls randomly? I see it as an expression of the respect! I did not come to a certain place because of anyone. I came there because I have a business there. Or to relax. Give me a break. How dare you disturb my privacy?
And no, I’m not Dutch.
So according to this research – next time I’m going for a 100 % Dutch!
And I’m sorry if the author thinks that having a taste into girls like me is to be made fun of. There’s nothing wrong with my looks and I have much more to offer. Like intelligence, to start with.
I have huge breasts, wear high heels, and believe in the power of make-up. My Dutch man wouldn’t have it any other way. To boot, he open doors so I can glide on in, carries the bags, and has a sense of humor.
I let him have his balls and I am treated like a lady.
Love this!
I had so much troubke thinking of an opening line but I finaly thought of one: offer him or her a fishermans friend “ben jij ook zo op zoek naar een emotionele connectie? Of heb je al een erecte avond?”
I’ve seen that Dutch men like to be approached, nee, expect to be approached. Should you go in to a bar and approach a lady who they would have hoped might approach them then they might give you a cold stare. Only at your feet mind. If you order a whole pint, preferably of Guinness or a double spirit and ginger beer (the real man’s mixer), within hearing distance of them; you then assert your position as dominant male. In general I see them more as spiders, void of personality. Waiting on prey to approach them. Or a halibut or turbot
You’re correct in your assertion that Dutch men expect to be approached by women. It’s not their fault, they actually don’t know any better. Dutch women are a race of Amazonian super women. They call the shots and love nothing better than trampling over the bodies of wives, girlfriends etc to get the man they want. You should approach them as they are generally shocked to have men come up and talk to them. Be aware that they might respond with an aggressive “HEY WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME?” But if you like high stakes gambling and living on the wild side, go for it.
They are the best example of that Dutch trait of wanting to be in control but not really knowing what to do once the gain the control they wanted. My partner is Dutch, some of the stories I hear from her friends. Some of the ridiculous demands and expectations of Dutch men and women go beyond fickleness. I do also enjoy seeing groups of Dutch men trying to pick up non-Dutch women. It’s almost like when you’d put a slice of ham on your dog’s face and watch as the poor dog would spend an age trying to get to it. You know they’ll never get it because they have the wrong technique but they are too dumb to change their approach
Damn buddy, which Dutch guy hurt you so much? You seem to have a problem or harbor some ill feelings towards Dutch men, or Dutch people in general to be fair. Kind of confused as to why you’re dating a Dutch woman.
“Wanting to be in control but not knowing what to do with it” is this a “dutch” thing? I thought this was a human thing. Does any human even know what to do with control? Weird statement.
“ridiculous demands and expectations” again is this not a human thing? Depending very much on the individual? And is it not rather about the way you deal with the expectations being met, rather than the expectations in itself? Having high expectations could also be interperted as striving for something better/improvement.
“Dutch men trying to pick up non-Dutch women is entertaining…. dogs and ham….” now, its clear you are quite the generalizer. But holy shit buddy, you call others fickle while making statements like this?
“They are too dumb to change their approach” what basis do you conclude this on? The 2 dutch people you saw talking to foreign ladys? Or the fact that the netherlands is ranked 8th in terms of Average IQ? Being superseded pretty much only by Asian countrys?
Your comment/assumptions are not only generalising and insulting, but they are also untrue and ignorant. And if i knew your “dutch girlfriend” i’d suggest her to “toch nog een nachtje over slapen” about you. In my experience (27 years as a dutch man living in The Netherlands), dutch men do not expect to be approached. If they do its more so because of their ego/the individual than their nationality. Maybe it says more about your partner, and her friends/the people they surround themselves with, than you wish to admit.
Either way, you clearly have no clue what you are talking about.
Kind regards,
Dutch man with foreign wife
HAHAHAHA Jeroen!
Relax your horses man!
You certainly are a Dutch man! That is why I approached my boyfriend! SO MUCH HONESTY that I have to laugh hard. Thou is true what you say, it is not good to generalize much about people. Like me saying I will never date again a German guy because they are stupid just for one bad guy who cheated on me, and I thought they were honest people always! BUT NOT! Turns out that all that politeness is more a mask and it is useful for their own purposes but not so much when it comes to relate with others. But from all the Dutch people I have met, men and women, Oh my goodness, I can not say otherwise, you people are serious about being direct and sincere and that turns me on in many ways hahahaha
So, rustig dear and enjoy you are not to date any Dutch, because you are already the Dutch LOL ????
Amazing.
“Ja! Ja! Ja! Meisjes……..” I admit. I have only had a brief glance at what Dutch men like. I left for Australia when I was 12. How my ‘taste’ in the opposite sex developed since then ~ “mag Joost weten” ~ is the Dutch expression (“I don’t know.”) As always, perhaps a little off track: I SO remember that as I started to travel to high school, on the tram, here in Sydney, I went through a stage that I thought that none of the Australian girls were as attractive as the girls I’d loved in my primary school, in Gouda. But then, the girl whom I “fell” for, not long afterwards was from Hungary (where there had been a revolution) and, while I’m on this couch: I spotted her across the room at a birthday party for one of the fellow pupils at “Heartbreak High” (Then still the real Maroubra Bay High School) BECAUSE, she reminded me of a female cousin back in Gouda – but then with very dark hair! I’m a bit worried that A.Petrov has ‘touched’ on something sensitive.
And let me explain: After she eloped with the editor of a major newspaper and made it clear that way that perhaps I would not be the father of her children, I’m pleased to report that I met a colleague who became the mother of my children.
Gosh. There it is: The story of my life!! 🙂
Any other dating tips? Please share them here
Well ladies from everything I’ve read here it appears dutch men are still stick in libido-kindergarden. Just take a look at the list and all the can be attributed to young girls. I dunno maybe it’s just me 😀
Only the small boobs part. Most young girls wear shitloads of make up trowelled on!