The Shallow Man stands, like OJ Simpson, falsely accused. Now that I’ve got your attention, I’ll continue 😉
In recent postings, I’ve reported the experiences of a number of expat women who’ve had dates with Dutch men, where the men have insisted on going Dutch with the bill. This has led to angry comments from some readers such as:
“I really disagree with all this! I come from Malta and live here since 1998 and never had such experiences! These articles are complete rubbish!”
“I don’t know if I should be offended or laugh. I’m a Dutch woman but I certainly do not behave the way he describes them. And I certainly never dated some kind of cheap ass dutch men. I don’t know where he found these expat lady’s….but they definitely dated the wrong kind of Dutch men!”
“Like the “dating dutch men” part… We don’t eat fucking “bitterballen” on a date, that’s ridiculous, we eat actual food just like the rest of the world. And I don’t know anybody here that splits the bill after dinner with a lady you asked out. Check your facts before you talk nonsense”
The best and indeed most eloquent comment came from Martin Van der Velden on my Facebook page where he wrote the following:
The church of the shallow man is open to all denominations, and yes, I have many Dutch followers as well as expats. In order to respond to the implied criticism that the experiences of some of my expat flock are somehow BS or in any way shape or form playing to some kind of misinformed stereotype, I’ve reached out to a genuine hot Dutch Antelope, who in spite being drop dead gorgeous, is still single. I’ve asked her to share some of her dating experiences with Dutch men.
Just to prove even more that the shallow man is blunt but fair, the next part of this series will feature the tale of a Dutch woman who had an encounter from hell with an Englishman.
Please remember that I am but the messenger who should not, like so many grouse during the hunting season be shot. No doubt this article will again invoke more angry responses, but in the words of the film that I saw repeated yet again recently on television, catch me if you can. The things I do for my readers!
Dating mistakes made by men a Dutch Antelopes tale
Alice is a 25-year-old prime example of why I say that Dutch women are the most gorgeous on the planet. She even goes against the norms of the doe maar gewoon normaal crowd and dresses in a feminine way as well, indeed she could be mistaken for being French or Russian, which in the shallow man’s world is quite a compliment. Alice spent several years living where the sun always shines and the nightclubs make the ones in the Netherlands look like small barn dances in a village, yes she lived in Miami. (Please don’t write to me with the names of all of the famous Dutch Dj’s, I’ve taken taxi’s in Amsterdam before and am familiar with the dross played at maximum volume on Sky Radio)
Having returned to the Netherlands she continued her modelling and dancing career alongside studying, but something was missing, a Dutch Lion. A chap whose stylish mane she could run her hands through and think of warm nights on the Serengeti. To this end, a friend of hers arranged a blind date with a prime example of Dutch manhood, with whom she had a drink with in a bar. The first impressions were good and like the Great Gatsby, he was even polite enough to pay for the drinks. (She had a couple of cokes). They agreed to meet for a second date.
This time loves young dream went for a romantic meal at a Sushi place. Or was the Plaice made into Sushi? I digress, anyway, they had a nice meal, drinks and a good time. When the bill arrived, her date remarked at the cost of the meal, but then kindly paid. Alice thanked him for this to which he romantically replied: “don’t worry, you can pay me later.”
What this meant was to become clear after the meal when he drove her to an ATM so that she could withdraw money to cover her half of the bill. Unfortunately for him, the first cashpoint was out of order, but have no fear, he gallantly drove around until he found another ATM which was almost out of money, but he was a persistent fellow and on the third attempt, they found an ATM that was working and she handed over her half of the bill. He even told her how pleased he was that he now had some cash for petrol.
Now bearing in mind that by this time it was already pretty late at night, you would have assumed that he would have driven her home. Instead, he drove her to the Central Station so that she could get a bus or Tram home, needless to say, they never dated again.
The ex-girlfriend again
Not put off by the bad experience outlined above, Alice persevered and this time dated another Dutchman, another recommendation from one of her friends. I do admire an optimist. Anyway, so she met up with her date who appeared to be somewhat intimidated by the fact that she was well dressed, with nice makeup and of course shoes that should have been on death row, as they had killer heels.
During the course of the evening, her date, who in spite of her looking incredibly feminine, expressed his intention of seeing her again, and even started outlining his plans for their next date. “I know a great Spa place we could go to, it has a sauna, steam bath, whirlpool and great massages.
I know it well as I used to go there with my ex-girlfriend.” This, of course, is not what women wish to hear on a first date, a classic mistake compounded by the fact that yet again during the course of the evening he also made a point of commenting on the price of every item on the menu and insisting on going Dutch at the end of the meal.
Alices personal observations on dating the Dutch
I lived in Miami and dated a couple of Latino guys, they really treat their dates like princesses. Since returning to the Netherlands I’ve found that after a date, guys never offer to take you home and are quite happy just dropping me off at the nearest bus or tram stop and leave me to it.
I find that guys appear to be intimidated by the way I dress. If I’m at a club with my friends, guys rarely bother talking to me or ask me to dance. I also find that when a first date does go well, that I often get asked by guys if I’d like to go there place for a cup of tea or for dinner by them “thuis” Which is a weasel-worded way of saying, come round and let’s have sex. I’d probably have more respect for them if they just came out and said that instead of providing such cheesy invitations. Dus, I’m still single. I hope my experiences above will help some guys think about changing their approach when dating. All women appreciate gentlemen.
The shallow man
Would like to thank the lovely Alice for sharing her tale.
No weasels were hurt during the writing of this story.
Until next time, no neuken in de keuken.
I’ve dated a number of dutch men and have never been asked to share the bill..I always wondered why the common cliche ‘lets go dutch’ was used…I’m sorry for anyone asked to share the bill..that’s not nice..the thing about dutch men is that almost always they talk about sex very soon, instead of getting to know a lady better…
Can I have Alice’s phone number please?
LOL!! I’m afraid not.
What happens if the woman is not employed and she can’t pay? Would Dutch men date unemployed women?
Only one thing I feel the need to comment on:
Having lived (and dated) abroad and gotten used to the more “classical” approach to dating actually made it hard for me to date Dutch women for a while. A prime example of this is offering to escort a woman home after a date. I got some really weird looks as a result of offering that. I stopped doing it when I found out (through a mutual friend of a date) that it was considered weird and awkward to show someone where you live early on in the dating process.
So when I guy drops you off at a tram station it’s probably because he doesn’t want you to think he wants to know your address so he can stalk you.
haha auch, these are pretty painful stories. As a dutchman I do really like your ‘outsiders views’ on our little country and also your manner of presenting them. I have recognized myself, or the dutch mentality at least, in many of them, but in this case I’m not so sure.
I suppose that there are indeed many dutch men who like to ‘go dutch’ at a certain point during the dating process. I know for a fact however that many of my companions, will not suggest this on a first, second or (yes, be amazed with the Dutch hospitality) even third date. I can imagine though that the idea of splitting the bill at any point during the dating process is out of the question in more macho societies than the dutch (I don’t think that the English society is, in my humble view, amongst these macho societies I must say).
I also feel that you, granting yourself some artistic freedom of course, have selected a couple of the most horrific dating-stories to your avail. As said before, they are indeed very amusing, but maybe not so much representative of the average dutch male as you would like to depict it. Since I have got to know, for example, the English a bit over time, I would say that, quite effortlessly I would be able to find some utterly horrific dating stories about cheap English men. And yes, I would also be able to find an English beauty (well alright, that might be a problem) to share her stories with my audience. Does this prove that English men are cheap as a whole? It seems quite randomly motivated and doesn’t really provide a new angle to your previous statements on cheap dutch men now does it?
Considering you’re right though and our reputation is well deserved, you should perhaps take into account the mentality of the dutch female as well (as dating is about interaction between two people). Generally speaking (I’m sorry I know how much you dislike generalizations, and of course the example of Alice proves me wrong here) they are pretty happy with their (financial) independence (cant blame them, they fought hard for it and still are) and maybe less interested in the princess-treatment.
Hoping that the above was written down eloquently enough for you,