Christmas Gifts For Your Dutch Partner
Contrary to outward appearances the Dutch are the happiest people in the world. No other country anywhere in this life or the next has things as good as the Dutch. Therefore, if you’re in a relationship with a Dutch person, choosing Christmas gifts for your Dutch partner is like a weekend in Friesland, yes it’s hell. Therefore, the Shallow Man has put together some recommended Christmas gifts perfect for the Dutch.
The things I do for my readers!
1. Leopard print home entertainment device
The Dutch love leopard print almost as much as getting consumer goods gratis, therefore, any gift with the beloved spots will go down incredibly well.
2. For her (stylish denim boots)
Dutch women (and men) love nothing more than ripped jeans. Regardless of whether it’s freezing outside the Dutch love nothing more than exposing their knees to the elements. This is the perfect Christmas gift for your Dutch partner, it combines denim along with the essential rips in the right places. The only negative thing about them is the heels but I’m sure any good shoemaker can replace the heels with something flat and comfortable.
3. For him (vintage calculator)
What better way to make your Dutchman happy this Christmas than by getting him a vintage calculator. Perfect for working out how much he should charge guests for the food he bought for a barbeque. Or for calculating how much shopping money you owe him when you stay for the weekend and eat his food.
4. Argument killing technology
Your Dutch partner might find themselves having to defend their harmless traditions to your expat friends or family members. Make their life much easier by buying them the latest in argument killing technology that they can bring with them to any gatherings where expats (or black people) will be present. This superb device has phrases that will kill any discussion about a certain blackface gentleman.
5. Lights for their bike
The Netherlands is a country full of Christian conservatives who believe that their faith in Jesus will be all they need when dressed all in black in the middle of night cycling home as drunk as a British tourist in Amsterdam for a weekend. Bike lights are horrendously expensive and not worth the “gedoe”/hassle for the average Dutch person. So get them a present that might save their lives one day.
If your partner is female and under the age of twenty-five, you’ll have to sit her down and explain to her what shoes are. Her initial reaction might be, “but where’s the stripe or logo? and where are the laces?” It could take her some time to get used to not wearing sneakers. Be supportive.
If your partner is male, get him something he definitely won’t own. A pair of non-pointy black shoes. His initial reaction is likely to be, “take these back to the shop, didn’t you notice that there’s a major fault with them? They’re not brown!” Explain to him that outside of the Netherlands it’s possible to buy shoes outside of the fifty shades of brown available here. His response might be “doe normaal!”. But after the initial shock, he might even grow to like them.
If you follow my advice, your Dutch partner will be so happy that they might even ask you to marry them.
No parrots were hurt during the writing of this post.
Until next time, have a bloody good Christmas.