I know what you’re thinking. Only 212 fines? Anyone living in Amsterdam will surely agree that there are many more idiots in the city than that. One only has to stand by a set of traffic lights and watch kamikaze cyclists tearing through red lights and putting themselves in the path of trucks and trams without a care in the world.


So I must admit to being surprised that only 212 covidiots were fined this past weekend. One doesn’t need to have superpowers to have noticed the groups of people who congregated all over the city. Groups of Jeroen’s, Lieke’s and Martijn’s were out in force, busy with lekker chillen anywhere they could in the sun. 1,5-meters social distancing? Doe effe normaal!

You were warned

The mayor of Amsterdam, Femke Halsema, warned that people breaking the coronavirus rules would be fined. Boats were once again banned from the Amsterdam canals and access to the Vondelpark was limited. Her warnings were as effective as a chocolate teapot.

Purely there for decorative purposes

Useful Dutch phrases to use when threatened with a fine for being a covidiot

1. “Dat is belachelijk!”

This phrase is not only useful during the Sinterklaas season when defending criticism of Zwarte Piet. It can also be used to express one’s disgust at being forced to obey a law or rule that you don’t agree with.

2. “Meen je dat nou? het is ongelooflijk.”

Are you serious? Do you mean that the kut coronavirus rules apply to me? I’m just sitting here chilling with my besties, Lieke and Mieke drinking Chateau Migraine and shouting as we Dutch girls tend to do. And that’s not allowed because we’re not related and don’t live together? Meen je dat nou? Het is ongelooflijk.

Witnessed at the Vondelpark this weekend 😉

Tip: Make sure you raise your voice at the end of the sentence in order to really express your disgust at this infringement to your civil liberties.


Of course, there’s an easy way to avoid the risk of a fine. Simply maintain social distancing from others, even if they happen to be your besties from the same sorority or fraternity. Kom op nou! On the plus (or negative) side, these rules don’t apply to the bedroom.

istockphoto tommaso79
This kut social distancing has gone way too far

No sunbathing besties were hurt during the writing of this post

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